crash
by iamrotting
Summary: After the accident, after her girlfriend has forgotten about her, Anna finds herself walking down a road by herself to pick up all the broken pieces. Through that, maybe Elsa would finally come to love her once again. (elsanna) (rated M for explicit content)
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

_Chapter 1: PROLOGUE _

* * *

_Elsa…_

Anna continued to race through the hallways of the hospital. Fifth floor. She was on the fifth floor.

_Elsa…  
_  
Her heart was pounding. Her legs were tired. Bruised and scraped from falling upon entering the hospital. Tears stained her cheeks. She couldn't bear this feeling. This fear. This heartbreak. The thought.

A nurse had come to ask her where she was going, but she simply ignored her. Pushed her away. She had one thing in mind. Only one.

This wasn't happening. This really wasn't happening… NOT. AGAIN.

Every single thought of their happy moments together raced through Anna's mind. It seemed like just a moment had passed. It seemed like it was just a second ago that Elsa was smiling. Had said she loved Anna. Had confessed she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Anna. Had even made love to her in the perfect night. How was this happening? What kind of idiot would do this to her… to both of them?

_ELSA!_

She couldn't make it, screeching to a stop once she had gotten to the floor that she needed to be. Her widened eyes were brimmed with tears of their memories. The door was just right there. Elsa's parents were just right there. But it seemed like an invisible barrier was keeping her away from taking another step. She eyed the door in horror… in heartbreak… her hands clutching onto own chest. That was the love of her life behind that door. That was the love of her life… holding on.

But she couldn't make it. She couldn't bear this feeling… and if she even came any closer, she was going to _break. _

Slowly, she dropped to her knees on the ground, her palms pressed against her eyes as she continued to weep loudly. She rocked herself like a child, but nothing… nothing was comforting. She wanted Elsa to be okay. She wanted Elsa to be right next to her. Her own fingers clutched onto the watch that Elsa had given her the day before… only… it had stopped working during her fall. 10:32AM. It stopped then and there. Everything was over.

"Elsa…" she cried, her voice croaking. She had blocked out Elsa's parents. She had blocked out the doctors. She had blocked out all those people that were rushing through the halls to their patients. "Elsa… I need you… how could you do this to me…?"

* * *

_The evening was definitely an eventful one. Anna couldn't be more excited for their date in this five-star restaurant that her girlfriend 'somehow' made a reservation to. She was lucky to even get a reservation in the most secluded place. The moment she was shown the small reservation sheet just two weeks ago, Anna was absolutely ecstatic. And scared. She knew her girlfriend could have her way sometimes, but it was always hard to keep up with the unexpected. _

_She couldn't be luckier. As a senior in college, she was invited to a dinner in the psychology department and had a chance to win a thousand dollar dress. She didn't wear dresses very often. In fact, she just never was a fan of wearing dresses, but this… was the perfect chance to get pretty. _

_She gazed at the mirror, patting down the tight dress around her figure. She didn't look too bad, but she wasn't going to trust her own opinions. "Mm… Is it too tight on me, Elsa?" _

"_Hm?" The blonde turned around. She had been looking at other dresses in the room… and, yet, she still hadn't figured out what to wear. Her bright blue eyes reflected through the mirror, and Anna could see how pleased her girlfriend was._

_She didn't even react when she felt arms hugging her waist from behind, lips placed on Anna's neck. "You look absolutely stunning." _

"_Oh, you're just saying that right?" _

_Elsa chuckled. "We'll see about that when we get back from dinner. You'll change what you said." _

_Oh. __Anna knew she would say something like this. Swallowing, she noticed Elsa looking at their reflection too. "Well then… um, I can't wait for dinner to start." _

_The blonde leaned in to kiss her exposed neck. Honestly, if Elsa could stop being such a tease and actually give an opinion on the dress it would be great. Having to be with her for two years now was already a blessing… and never once Anna had seen her so playful in such a long time._

_While Anna was still in college, her girlfriend was working as an interior designer. Such a fancy job for a fancy girlfriend in her fancy shoes. Anna would always envy her, but in the end, she was always proud of Elsa for getting to where she was at. For God's sake, it was a miracle even that they were able to get a decent apartment with a view as high as the sky. _

"_I can't wait for dinner to start too. Then, maybe, I'll be able to take that dress off you -" _

_Immediately, out of embarrassment, Anna slapped the woman's wrist lightly, making her pull away with laughter. "Elsaaa ~ I told you I want your opinion!" _

_The woman sighed, turning to pick out her own dress. She finally settled with a black one to match with Anna's. "You look beautiful, sweetheart. It fit around your hips very nicely." _

_That's what I want to hear. _"_Oh, I nearly forgot." Elsa quickly strode to her desk to pull out a small box from the top drawer. "I thought you might like this." _

_The redhead gaped in awe once Elsa had opened the box to reveal a small wristwatch. "Elsa…"_

"_It wasn't so expensive," she said as she grabbed Anna's hand and slipped the object around her thin wrist, "well, I'm glad it fits. Do you like it?" _

_Anna was speechless. It wasn't rare that Elsa would always buy her gifts, but every time was always a surprise. Every small present, Anna came to adore. Softly, she giggled, placing the wrist by her ears. The ticking was gentle, but Anna could hear it loud and clear. "You know, every time you say it's not expensive, it's bound to be somewhat expensive." _

_Elsa shrugged and sighed in defeat. "You caught me." _

"_It's gorgeous, Elsa. I love it. Thank you." _

_She gently leaned in to peck Anna's lips. "Anything for you."_

_The redhead did take a few moments to admire her gift in silence. A watch… she never bore a watch before. Perhaps, it was the fact that Elsa would always wear one to work, she didn't want to be left out. Oh, now that would be an adorable reason. She sighed turned back to the mirror again. In the corner of her eyes, Elsa was beginning to change, baring herself naked with her back towards Anna. By now… they were comfortable enough to be able to change… or, well, stay naked around each other. _

_Anna always felt comforted by that - that, in a way… Elsa was open enough to change her clothes in front of Anna… and Elsa truly loved her. And that they had each other. She gazed at herself, freckles dotting her cheeks, red hair bundled up in a bun, her make-up light for the sight… Oh, if only her parents were able to see this. If only they could show how proud they were for Anna. If only they knew what a lovely girlfriend she had. _

_She pursed her lips together tightly. "Elsa?" _

"_Hm." _

"_Would my Mama and Papa approve of my relationship with you? Or the fact that… we're gay?" _

_The blonde slowly turned, letting her hair loose from her braid. Anna could just see how fast her girlfriend's expression had changed. From just smiling in one second… to glaring at Anna as if she had seen a ghost. "Anna, we have talked about this." _

"_I-I know, but…" she huffed, rubbing her watch with her fingers, "your parents are always nice to me. I wonder if they would be great friends with Mama and Papa." _

"_They would. Anna… why are we talking about this now? It's been three years." Her arms loosely crossed together, but Elsa wasn't moving. _

"_I don't know," she chuckled bitterly, "sometimes, you just can't help but miss them." _

"_Oh, beautiful…" _

_Arms… very warming arms hugged her back, and there was something about this embrace… that was so comforting. She missed this. Her eyes closed. This feeling of being embraced - thinking it was her mother that was embracing her - was almost like endorphins in Anna's head. She sighed, breathing in Elsa's fragrance… and she allowed herself to grasp Elsa's arm tenderly. _

"_Listen to me," her words breathed softly to Anna's ears, "your mother and father… though I've never met them, love you a lot... They adore you. You aunt had tons of photos of them hung on the wall. Just for you. They left you money. They left you a new car," she smiled, running her fingers through Anna's hair, "Even after the accident… they were still here to take care of you, __I'm certain they loved you a lot. I'm sure they thought about you… always thought about you." _

_She gazed down, smiling. It was… heartbreaking, to say the least. If only she had known the streets would be slippery that day, they wouldn't have to be driving so fast. If only she had called them to tell them to be careful. Anna didn't want to lose anyone anymore. She didn't want to lose Elsa. No… she needed her. More than ever. _

"_Anna," Elsa started again, "you have me. You have my mother, my father… and they treat you like you are their daughter as well. We're always here for you." _

_Anna nodded. "I know. Thanks." _

"_Anytime. Look at me." The redhead slowly turned when she felt fingers on her chin guiding her around. Elsa raised her eyebrow. "I love you. I will always love you." _

_She pouted. "Do you think we could get married then?" _

_The blonde smiled, almost laughing in shock, but Anna knew it was a ridiculous question. She turned back to the mirror, fixing her hair. She didn't expect Elsa to answer. Or rather, she didn't want Elsa to answer. Through the mirror, those blue eyes were as gentle as the light in the room… and all Anna could see was the gleam of happiness. "Would you __like to get married?" she asked. _

_Her face slowly colored red. "That's not…" _

"_Maybe when you finally graduate and find a career… we can discuss it." _

_Oh. __Anna wasn't sure what to say. Marriage… Anna's dream was always to get married to a perfect lover where they would reside in a small house or apartment. Just the two of them. Eventually… she would want kids as well. Did she think Elsa would consider it this quick in the relationship? No. _

"_You make this sound all like a dream, Elsa…" _

_The blonde smiled tenderly, tilting her head. Her eyes glimmered like a puppy. "Is it not, honey?" she asked. Honey. Elsa would rarely call her honey… and only when Anna needed to be pampered, oh, Anna just felt so __loved. _

_She gazed down on the floor, lowering her hands to hold her lovers. "I hope it wouldn't be a dream. Mama and Papa would have loved you." _

"_I hope so." She tapped her fingers on Anna's front before letting go. "We should hurry. The reservation isn't going to wait for us." _

"_You're the one still changing," Anna rolled her eyes. _

"_Well, then, I should have also shut you up." The emphasize and the implication that… well, it quickly shut Anna up, of course. Elsa could always say things in such a… nonchalant manner, and that was always something that Anna loved about her. Sure, she wouldn't ever be serious about the things she'd say, but Elsa was always unexpecting. _

_Any kind of talking like this… would leave them shedding clothes, their warmth shared in bed. And any kind of talking like this…. would leave Anna in a flustered mess. Well, that was always the beginning of their relationship, but even now, anything could be unexpected. _

_But she adored this. She adored having to be with a woman that really cared for her. That had her life together. That could support Anna in any way she could. Anna could never have imagined being with such a perfect woman with such a beautiful personality - though, a little stiff sometimes - and shining eyes that would look at her, and only at her. _

_She turned back quietly, leering at Elsa's slender bare back… leering at the way Elsa pulled her hair in a ponytail… leering at the way Elsa made her own dress fit perfectly around her curves. She smiled, turning back around to tidy up her hair. It was… just perfect. Everything was perfect… and Anna had fallen in love with such a perfect girl. _

* * *

_The sound of ocean waves crashing to shore sang wonderfully. The evening sky had grown dark, and the moon gleamed through the sky like it was only celestial body dancing in the galaxy. But it gleamed so brightly that no other stars mattered. _

_Seagulls continued to chirp as they flew in the air, and in the background, cars continued to zoom through the roads. It had never been so peaceful… so warm, and so incredibly lovely being out here. Everything was theirs. The sand, the water… the sky… and, in the moment that they had driven to the beach, they saw nobody walking around except for them. _

_The car also continued to sing from the radio. Lana Del Rey's, 'Thirteen Beaches' was playing, and honestly… that was Elsa's type of music. But who was paying attention? Who was paying attention when Anna was dancing around the sand, laughing like this was the last time she was going to laugh? _

_The air was quite bleak. Autumn was arriving. Their delicious dinner was over, but the evening was still early so Anna suggested they go to the beach one last time before the seasons changed. How could Elsa refuse? They always loved the beach… and the season was getting colder. But as Elsa continued to sit on the roof of her car, watching her girlfriend play with the water, collecting the shining shells gleaming in the light, and the beautiful pink sand… well, it was just absolutely warming. It was rare to see Anna have so much fun with such mundane stuff. But, at least, she was laughing, it was all that mattered. _

_Blue eyes continued to gaze at her red hair dancing in the autumn wind with love, leaning herself against the front window. _

_Marriage… Elsa had never thought of marriage. They were happy together. Elsa always felt delighted to be by her side, but when Anna mentioned the word… she was almost in heaven. She wouldn't ever dare to mind marrying her darling. Her precious. And if she ever hesitates while thinking about it, she would only be lying to herself. She loved Anna. But rushing it would do no good for anyone. Love… Love was a special thing. Love… took time. _

_It was hard for Elsa to love. No matter how warm her family was, how lovable they were, they could never open Elsa up. Until Anna came along. No… they never had much in common. Their personality clashed, but perhaps, the saying was true - opposites do attract. _

_The wind blew, her hair gently flowing along like the waves until Elsa had run her fingers back through her fringes. A sneeze could be heard from afar, and she raised her eyebrow. "Anna, I don't want you catching a cold." _

_The redhead looked up and waved. "I'm fine! Elsa, why don't you come, and play with the water with me?!" _

_She let out a small smile, shaking her head. She motioned her girlfriend over, and she could just see the pout forming on her bottom lip. "Keep that expression up, and I'll kiss you all night." _

_Anna rolled her eyes, arms crossed as she climbed up the car, sitting next to her. Silently, Elsa had allowed her own arms to wrap around her girlfriend, lips kissing her forehead. There were so many things in Elsa's mind, but how she could say it all? She watched her girlfriend continue to mumble about how she was always so firm and disgustingly parent-like._

_Elsa couldn't help but chuckle. "Anna, you are twenty-two. Sometimes, you don't act like it… so I have to parent you whether you like it or not." _

_The redhead leaned herself against Elsa's chest. "Oh yeah? Well, you're twenty-four so you should just stop trying to get into my pants all. The. Time." _

_Oh? Elsa hummed in disagreement. "I'm your girlfriend. Isn't that my job? You use such crude words… and you didn't even drink that much." _

_The younger woman laughed, turning face to face to Elsa and kissed her chin. "I'm kidding, why are you acting all pouty?" She caressed Elsa's cheek, only to have thin, cold fingers hold them and pull them away. _

"_Because I wanted to talk to you seriously." _

"_About what?" _

"_I wanted to know whether your ex-girlfriend has been talking to you or not." _

_Her smile disappeared, and soon after, Elsa's stern expression deepened. "Elsa, you know we don't talk…" _

"_You go to the same school." _

_Anna chuckled in disbelief. "It doesn't mean we have the same classes. Elsa…" _

"_I ask because I wanted to make sure. Yes, I've never talked to her. I've never met her." She entangled her fingers between Anna's. "But I don't want her to come to talk to you… and for you to come to me, looking sad for someone that wasn't worth your emotions." _

"_Elsa…" _

"_You… mentioned marriage." _

_The redhead nodded hesitantly, and all Elsa knew was try to reassure Anna that she wasn't opposed to it. She ran her fingers through her auburn hair, pushing back loose strands._

"_I want you to be happy. She never hurt you, I know. I trust your words. I know you two simply just fell apart. But I don't want you to be hurt. I want your happiness to be with me. Do you understand?" _

"_Elsa, you know I don't have her number -" _

_She put a finger up. "I'm not saying this because it looks like I don't have confidence in you. I do. I love you, so I trust you. I'm saying this… because I…" She eyed her girlfriend in silence, running her knuckles on the freckles of her cheek. "Because I __do_ _want to marry you." _

_Anna's eyes widened, and there was a small moment of shocked silence until tears immediately glistening on the bright teal color of her eyes. "Elsa…?" _

"_I want to spend my life with you. But right now, even if I am certain that I want you in my life, we are still young. We still have time." She breathed out, fingers running along Anna's cheek. "I know you can be so impatient, so that's why I'm saying all of this now. And you can keep that in your heart." She tapped her finger against Anna's chest. "But I'd like you to promise me something." _

"_What…? What is it?" _

"_That you won't be hurt because of her. That you would put up a brave face… for everyone. That if you ever see her, you think of me." _

_Anna didn't answer, but Elsa didn't expect her to answer. She remembered the day Anna would talk to her about her ex… how she would break down from stress, anger, and depression. No, Elsa didn't want Anna to experience that anymore. Not for her. Not for herself. She wanted Anna's happiness to flourish… and it would be such a lovely dream to see her smile more. _

_She wasn't always there, but every time Anna would speak of her past experiences… she could hear the heartbreak of her empty voice. She knew Anna would always try to stay positive. She knew it all… but she could never be positive all the time. _

_Anna merely smiled, leaning in to kiss Elsa's lips. Fingers caressed her cold cheek, another wrapped around her wrist… and all Elsa could do was accept her… and her small 'thank you' and 'I love you' from that one kiss. And through that kiss, she knew Anna would promise her that. Through that kiss… she knew Anna would promise that they would love each other, forever and always. _

_Pulling away, she gazed into Anna's eyes, glimmering with joy and adoration. That was what Elsa wanted. Needed. Silently, Elsa ran her thumb on the bottom of Anna's lips, her eyes admiring the beauty that was her lover. She had never seen such joy in her expression. Never seen such a wonderful glow from her face. "Shall we go back home?" _

_Anna giggled, nodding. "Yeah. Hey…" _

"_Hm?" _

"_I love you."_

* * *

a_/n: so... this is something. _


	2. Chapter 2: Impact

_a/n: previously, I deleted this chapter because I realized there seemed to have some confusion of what this fic is about. I don't want to spoil it, but I do think people got the idea that Elsa has been in a car accident. This first section below is right before the accident - and it continues to escalate from there in Anna's POV to the present time. Sorry for all the confusion._

_Although, I did not want this chapter to be too long because I often don't enjoy having to cram everything in one chapter, but I felt that this fic needed a bit of a push to get the plot going. In any case, I believe things will slow down a bit more, and I hope people will enjoy this fic! Please DM me or visit my tumblr: not-rotting, for further questions, analysis... whatever, I would really love that. Let me know what you guys think about Elsa!  
_

* * *

Chapter 2: Impact

* * *

The night was awfully warm at home, and they shared it. They loved it. Embraced it. And Anna had fallen into pieces with her… bare under the cover. The air was fevered, but it was all embraced out of love, desire, and there nothing more that Anna wanted than to feel it paint their skin. It felt _good - _hearing Elsa's voice whisper soft sweet nothings to her… hearing her voice drown in needy echoes of moans. The clear, blissful night took them… and Anna had allowed Elsa's touch to take her into the mighty heavens.

If memories served, her nails daringly left deep red streaks on Elsa's back, but she knew her girlfriend would turn a blind eye to it. She knew her girlfriend would always adore them, and Anna would always kiss the pain away.

While the night was long, and they had felt nothing more than the pleasure of being together… of loving each other, dawn had arrived. The morning sun basked the room with warm, red glow… and they were in peace sleeping together, arms holding each other tight.

This wasn't a special anniversary at all. This was their daily life, and Anna simply fell in love with it. She could sleep with a smile on her face, knowing her girlfriend would be right beside her once she'd wake up. Or perhaps, Elsa would bring her breakfast in bed.

She hummed, delighted when she felt warm lips kissing her bare shoulder blade. Whining, when she could feel Elsa trying to get out of bed. "Elsha…"

"Good morning, beautiful." Elsa nuzzled her button nose against the soft crook of Anna's neck, arms hugging her waist underneath the blanket. Anna, with her eyes closed, turned and did the same thing to Elsa, prompting the blonde to giggle in a much softer tone. "I have to get to work, Anna…"

"Stayyy…" She pouted, eyebrows scrunching. The sky was too bright for her to even open her eyes just yet. Though, after a moment, her lips stretched to a smile when she felt her lover kiss her there.

"Sorry, love. But, if you want, I can get you a glass of orange juice for when you get up."

Anna groaned, unwilling let her go. "I want a kiss instead…"

"You're so pouty." But she obliged anyway, hands tapping on the small of her girlfriend's back. "I have to go. Get up soon, baby. You have school today."

She rubbed her face against Elsa's pillow. Her scent could always energize Anna. "Mm… I think I'll skip."

"Well, make your best judgment, Anna. I'm not watching you fail your finals, alright? Isn't there one next week?" One more drugging kiss… and that one kiss slowly stirred Anna to stretch and get up. She blinked, eyeing the boringly white ceiling blankly, then to her girlfriend, laid by her side. How long had she been awake? Elsa was already in her work clothes. She always looked so tidy and beautiful even with a collared shirt and suit pants on.

Her eyes ogled at the button that could barely hold Elsa's chest in, only to feel a playfully judging eyes avert her attention to something else.

"You're really going? Can't it be just like last night?" she yawned, laid on her back, and she made no effort to cover her bare abused chest. Her own eyes fell to the bruised marks tattooed on her skin. Oh, last night… last night was absolutely fantastic. She wished things would stay like this… she wished to have Elsa's body on top of her once more, she wished to hear her agonized cries for the blissful pleasure. She'd damn near fall in love just like the moment they had met for the first time. There was no way Anna could forget how lost they were to each other… how they floated as contentment soaked their everlasting gaze.

Nonetheless, Anna didn't expect her lover to answer her. A thankful kiss on the back of Anna's palm was shared, her teal eyes catching Elsa's light laughter. "There will be plenty of nights like this. But I have to go now. Will you let me?"

Her voice was so soft… so loving. Oh, how could Anna refuse her when Elsa was staring at her with such adoration? How could she refuse her when those words were just filled with promises? Her words… were always filled with promises, and Anna never doubted that Elsa could fulfill them all.

"Mm… just one more…" She shut her eyes, puckering her lips.

"Well, alright, one more." _Kiss. _"Is that enough to fuel you up for the day?"

Anna simply looked like she was in heaven, her lips stretched to a wonderful smile, her eyes closed in glory. She nodded. "That's perfect." The early morning shimmered brightly through the balcony window, contrasting wonderfully on Elsa's pale skin - Gods, she looked like an angel - and Anna found herself drowned into the beauty… drenching into her words. To her touch. "Have a nice time at work."

"I make no such promises."

Two hours had passed in a blink of an eye. Anna was getting ready to go to school, having eaten only cereal and a few slices of orange that Elsa had left in their empty fridge. She sighed, gazing at the mirror. There wasn't going to be any major lectures today, so she wore whatever pieces she found in the closet - a green flannel, white shirt, and ripped jeans paired with white converse.

Obviously, she needed to hide those love marks as well. She was silent… the pad of her fingers tracing the beautiful wounds, barely hidden from her flannel. Elsa was never really so rough. Elsa was always loving… ever so sensual, but sometimes, she could be so playful that they just didn't mind a few marks here and there. But she remembered those certain words: '_I'm yours'_. The way it was whispered to her… the way Elsa would look at her always sent Anna into a puddle of impassioned mess. The woman always knew what would get Anna going…

And that night was simply _perfect. _

She blushed like a rose, licking her pulped lips, and there was still a lasting remnant of her honeyed taste. Her fingers began to wring around the watch that Elsa had gifted her last night. Elsa had always bought her jewelry, but it was always so rare for Anna to wear them, other than some piercings and rings. She was always a bit of a tomboy, but she always tried to be more like Elsa - and to be given watch was more than appreciated.

Smiling, she tucked an isolated strand of hair behind her ear, picked up her bag from the ground. She yawned, rolling her eyes as she got out to her apartment hallway and the elevators. _Morning classes are evil… _

At this time, Elsa would have texted that she was getting breakfast or if she was at work. She nudged the strap of her bag closer her shoulder, her hand reaching for her phone in the pocket. Unexpectedly, there wasn't a single text or even a voice message from her girlfriend. Though, surprised, she wasn't too worried. She realized Elsa could be busy talking to clients for an opportunity to let them take up her designs or to negotiate prices - even as early as talking to them the moment she had woken up at six or seven in the morning. Doing it at around nine in the morning wasn't so uncommon.

The middle elevator between the three in front of her welcomed Anna. Sighing, she entered the lift, and decidedly, she'd just tell Elsa she'd be in school once she was there.

It didn't take long for her to get there, and the campus was already full of people walking around to get to their different departments. Anna could easily take her time.

She took a deep breath of heavenly fresh air, sitting on the grass by the hill, her back leaned against a tall oak tree. The birds cried through the early morning, and it was a wonderful song to Anna's ears. Gazing up in the deep blue sky, she listened to the dozen students passing by her talking about organic chemistry. Science was never Anna's best suit, but she never tried to learn from it either. Elsa, however… always had a heart for science, and while it was never Elsa's strongest suit either, she could excel in every single subject better than Anna.

The redhead was extraordinarily proud. Sure, jealousy was sometimes a thing, but she was never starved for the amount of extraordinary stress and work Elsa would put herself in. Things were much easier now. Elsa was able to get into a fantastic designing company in the competitive industry, and Anna was on her way to graduate with a bachelor in psychology. There could be more, but… Anna loved the way things were at the moment.

Sighing a relieved breath - feeling the pleasant wind stroke her sun-kissed skin - she took out her phone. "_Hey, I'm in school now. Hope work is going well. Love you," _she typed, sent, and she waited for the 'read' to pop up.

It didn't. "Well, she must _surely _be busy with work…" she reassured. _Oh well._

She stretched, flicking her wrist to see the time on her watch. It was only nine-thirty, and her first lecture of the day was going to happen in just a few minutes. While she thought she would just hang out and reread her notes from the week before, there wasn't time for that now.

Getting up, she walked towards her class, passing the marble water fountain sitting smack-dab in the main campus. At times like this, more students surrounded the lucky fountain and would more than often flick a coin in there for good luck. Finals were just around the corner after all.

Students had quickly filled up the lecture hall, but thankfully, everyone had their own designated seats. Her eyes scanned through the auditorium-sized room, watching as people continued to swarm in, trying to squeeze through others. Finding her friends in a class this big was nearly impossible.

She huffed, only to choke on her own saliva in shock after she felt a dreadfully hard pat right on her back.

"Hey, feisty!"

She turned, eyes shooting daggers at the broad friend standing right beside her. "Kristoff, I told you, you need to lay off working out so much!"

"Aw, you jealous of my pecks?" He flexed his chest, wiggling his eyebrows. "Had a nice weekend?"

Yeah. Get off me."

"That's no way of talking to a friend!" His muscular arm - almost mockingly - wrapped around her tiny body. Which she tried to swat away, but there was just. Too. Much. Muscles. _Dickhead. _"Hm, is he even coming? He's late," he wondered out loud.

"He would have sent an email to us." Anna slowly strode down the stairs, finally, able to find two empty seats in the middle row. As always, Kristoff sat next to her, and though, talkative as always, Anna wasn't listening. Her eyes wandered around, scanning the number of people in the room. Usually, she wouldn't be so far from the projector, but it was fine today if this was just going to be a review section for the psychology finals.

"Hey, are you listening?"

"Huh?" She turned. The man was wearing a mask of concern on his face.

"I saw your ex-girlfriend today."

"Oh." Empty words were immediately stuck inside her windpipe. How did he expect Anna to react? Frankly, she didn't feel anything for that person. Neither did she expect her ex-girlfriend feel much. They were just… together at the wrong time, and Anna didn't blame her for being frustrated in their broken relationship. The death of her parents had taken a toll on Anna, but she was also in the right to want to focus on that first rather than… _her. _Her expression fell, and once she had noticed it did, she grabbed her laptop from her bag as a distraction. "So?"

He shifted, his whole body facing Anna's side. "She was asking about you. Said she was sorry for being selfish for back then."

Anna bit her lip. What was the point? They had already broken up, and Anna had moved on. _And Elsa wants to marry me. _"I mean… what do you want me to say? It's a long time ago."

He sighed, wringing his fingers together, placed on his desk. "If that's what you think, then sure. Anyway, it's not like you two are expecting anything. Plus, you already have a girlfriend of two years. I told her it's already too late."

"And is that what you really think? She's not expecting anything?"

He shrugged, unconcern. "She only said those words and left. I got your back, man."

"How did she look?"

He winked suggestively. "Devastated."

"Oh, ha-ha." She was glad Kristoff was able to support her like that. Things were different, and they continued to be different. Anna expected nothing of her, and neither should Anna be the face of her expectations either. Nobody in the right mind would want to get back to something that had caused so much pain and stress.

The naive, gullible Anna she once was, was gone, and she'd like it to stay that way.

Class ended on a good term, and perhaps, Anna didn't _listen _too closely, it wasn't anything she wasn't prepared for on the day of the exam. Other things still preoccupied her already-busying mind. She hadn't heard from her ex for a long time, and now that Kristoff had mentioned her… she didn't know what to think.

Packing her things, she followed her friend out the lecture room. He was talking about next week's exam… or something. Her mind had wandered off elsewhere, but she didn't have the heart to concentrate on exams right now. The door was stormed by students passing through, and finally, the sunlight hit their skin.

At first, Anna thought her ex would have shown up right in front of their lecture hall, but it was all just from paranoia. But it wasn't _uncommon. _She stopped just a few steps away from the door, looking to the side where the department bulletin board was located, filled with advertisements and student works. Her ex would always wait there for her classes to finish.

"Anna?" Her attention quickly fell to her concerned friend. "Hey, you okay?"

She pointed over her shoulder, grasping the strap of her bag. "Didn't you wanna get coffee before next class? Let's go."

"Yeah, hey -" He grabbed her arm. "If there's something I said that was wrong… tell me. Maybe I shouldn't have told you about Meg -"

"No, no." She placed a finger against his chest. "Actually, I'm glad you told me. Then I'd have to remind myself why we had to separate."

His eyebrows met together in worry. "But, Anna… that's not -"

"Hey, look. We were twenty years old. _Nineteen._" She pointed to herself as emphasis. "I learned… and I've moved on to being in love with a wonderful girl, who _you've _met. Right?" She raised her eyebrows. She could see the acceptance filling his expression, barely hiding the worry in his eyes.

"Well, alright. She didn't ask me anything else, so I guess she moved on too."  
"Yeah, I bet." Before she was able to take off with Kristoff again, her phone vibrated in her pocket. Taking out her phone, she squinted in concern, seeing Elsa's mother had called her. Multiple times too.

"Is... something wrong?" Kristoff questioned, prompting the redhead to look at him with such… uneasiness. _She'd always call but… she knows I have school today. _

Gazing at her friend, she slowly placed the device to her ear. "Hi… Idunn?"

"_Oh God, Anna! Anna, where have you been, I've been trying to call you!" _

Anna scratched her head, eyeing the floor. The urgency in her voice did not sound too excellent. "What do you mean? You know I have class today."

A sniffle… a short sob arose from the other end, and immediately, Anna's heart tensed. A short moment had passed, but Anna's life… had almost flashed through her eyes. She knew those sounds. She'd heard it before… back when her aunt would call her to tell her what happened to her own parents. Her hands had gone numb, her body tensed, eyes widening - and instantly, tears rested upon the layer of deep fear in her eyes.

"Idunn…?" she whispered. "Why are you crying?"

"_Anna… baby, get to the hospital. Right now." _

A droplet quickly streamed down her cheek as she had blinked. Memories… had taken in hostage, and she was in chains again. Was it deja vu? Was she living in a dream? Was God going to punish her for the wrongdoings that she didn't realize she had been doing? She had been good. She had been _clean_. She swallowed, gripping onto her phone, and though, she didn't want to ask why, her body moved on its own. "What…" she scoffed. "What are you talking about?"

"_Right now, Anna! Elsa… oh God, my baby… she's… she's got into a car accident -" _

Her whole world had ceased. From the moment, that heartbreaking voice called out Elsa's name… her fingers let go of her phone, and it had dropped to the ground. Her eyes that were holding in tears a moment ago began to let it all go. Her heart that was once beating like crazy had dropped like dumbell, and it had shattered like glass. Her surroundings had completely stilled… and all Anna could hear was the echo of Idunn's voice resonating through her mind.

This shouldn't have happened. It was never supposed to be like this. Anna just simply wanted _happiness_ to be shared with someone she loved.

But she spoke too soon. She shouldn't have been this happy yesterday. She shouldn't have discussed the marriage with Elsa. She shouldn't… have talked about her parents. None of this would have happened.

"Anna? Hey, Anna? What's going on?!"

Anna had dropped to the ground. No sounds of weeping. No signs of shaking. Shock was coursing through her body. "Why does this keep happening to me…?" she whispered to herself, her vision blurred. Every part of Anna's world… had completely ended.

* * *

_Multiple fractures… several damages to the brain… how long is she going to stay like this… we're not so sure… but her breathing is steady… we will monitor her… she'll be fine._

That's what they all say.

The clock ticked ever so slowly as if the world didn't want time to pass. The fluid continued to drip… and the vital signs monitor continued to beep at a consistent rate. The whole room was awfully pale in color - almost too ugly to look at - and the only sunlight that leaked into the room was through the crack of the heavy blue curtains. Whispers and small voices dripped into the room from just outside the door… and the shadow of Elsa's parents met with the doctor from the bottom crack from the entrance.

A single nurse had finished cleaning up the equipment and had just left. She was alone again.

Who was paying attention though?

Hours had passed, but Anna didn't care for the time. Her knees - scraped and bruised from the fall - hurt for those remaining hours. She lacked the care for that as well. Tears continued to trail down her reddened cheeks… and she hadn't let go of that limped hand of her girlfriend's. She held it so tightly, and she held it tightly because she wanted Elsa to wake up. To feel her.

Her head had been lowered this whole time, forehead touching the bedside. She couldn't bear to see her girlfriend. And the sun beamed against her skin like this was a miracle. The city… continued to keep going, but everything that was happening had stopped for Anna.

She had heard everything - every little agonizing detail. A truck driver, dozing off behind the wheel, had missed the red light, _crashed_… and it had crushed her white mustang completely. And Elsa, herself. Especially… it had crushed Anna's heart.

She… had been laying in bed. Her head bandaged, her left arm put in a cast… and so was her whole right leg. Her perfect skin on her face had dozens of bruises and cuts, stitched up from the loose glass that kissed her skin. A trail of tubes ran through her nostrils and her arm. And if Elsa could look any paler, this was what she looked like - a sick… hurt angel. Her eyes… were close, but just from the very first glance when Anna took the courage to come in, she could see the suffering and pain.

"Ghn…" Anna gritted her teeth, pressing Elsa's hand against her forehead. She was weeping again, but nobody here would blame her for it. "Elsa…" she whispered. "Please… Please, wake up…"

Silence met with her hopeless cries. "How could you do this to me…?" she cried, her body rocking… and she pressed the back of Elsa's hand against her lips. Blurred vision watched the blonde continue to sleep… and even then, Anna couldn't bear the sight. "How could you leave me in the dark…?"

The door opened, and quickly the two parents had come up to the girl. Idunn… was the first to hold Anna by the back, hand grasping her arm. "Sweetheart… sweetheart, everything is going to be okay…"

"NO!" the redhead screamed, almost selfishly… wanting Elsa all to herself, her head shaking.

"Anna, no -" Agdar began, and while his voice was soft, it was as firm as a fatherly voice could be. But did Anna care? _That's my girlfriend right here… _

"I'm _not_ leaving her…" was her reply. She doubted Elsa's parents would ever make her leave. If they did, Anna had to try her very best to hang on. She had wept even louder, falling to her knees. "Elsa…" her voice croaked, her one hand grasping the blonde's blanket. "You said you were going to marry me… You said you would…"

She could sense the two parents gazing at her with heartbreak. Pity. But were they not heartbroken themselves? Did they care? No, of course, they cared… of course, they understood how Anna was feeling. But with a promise that felt so real, with a such a woman laying in bed that made her such a promise, how could they understand how lost Anna felt?

"Anna…" She felt her girlfriend's mother's arms cradle her from the back, hand rubbing up and down her arms. "You have to stay strong. You have to believe. Darling, our daughter is strong and smart… and we're proud of everything that she does. Do you really think she would leave you like this? Hm?"

She sniffled in silence, her strength at loss.

"She has so many things she still wants to accomplish. Look… isn't she trying hard to start up a new company? Doesn't she have a beautiful apartment with you? And you're telling me she wants to marry you? Isn't that wonderful?"

Anna whimpered, "she's not _here." _

"She _is_ here," she gently tapped on Anna's chest, "and, in no time, she will wake up… and the first thing she will see is your face. The first thing you will see is her smile. Wouldn't you like that?"

_No. _No, she wouldn't. It wasn't… a _privilege_. She remembered seeing that every day. She remembered waking up… seeing that Elsa hadn't gotten out of bed at all just so she could wait for Anna to wake up. Together, they would be the first people in the morning that they would see, to say hi to, to _kiss. _

They wouldn't understand, but at least, they were trying. Anna had to be satisfied with that. But how could she feel something else other than agony and depression? Her heart had been painted black, and soon after, her mind continued to rewind through those happy memories like a recorder.

Shadows under her eyes began to show as she looked at her girlfriend. _Is… is this going to keep being like this for the rest of my life? _She asked an impossible question… but she couldn't deny that there was a chance that Elsa would be changed forever. Silently, she picked up Elsa's hand to her lips once again, letting her tears kiss her pale skin. "I can't do this without you..."

* * *

Two months slowly made its way through fall, and winter had come to stay. December was a slow month, and with each day that had passed… the more she began to despise it. The 21st was going to be Elsa's birthday, and in just a few days, Elsa would still be laying here. As always.

Anna decided that she would stop going to school for the time being to take care of her girlfriend, and while that would mean she would be graduating later, she was completely fine with her. Thoughts of Elsa filled her head every day, but it was not nearly enough that it would put a smile on her face.

As always, she listened to the clock ticking through the silence where the room lit up with the afternoon glow. Elsa, as always… was quietly sleeping. The bedside table was filled with such animated colors of flowers, but only Anna knew what types she enjoyed in their presence: cherry-colored roses.

Often, Elsa would describe the color as romantic and sexual love, and there was something so beautiful about that that struck Anna. Perhaps, it was her infinite beauty contrasting with the most beautifully fragrant flower… or, perhaps, often… she admired how Elsa would be drawn into the hypnotizing crimson of the petals. She always adored those blue eyes falling in love with those colors.

Standing by the door, her fingers wrapped around the bundle of roses. It was getting increasingly difficult to enter that room - and while she always meant to get used to it… she couldn't bear to see Elsa still sleeping. Her arm and legs were healed, her scars barely noticeable on her face… but no doctor could cure her of her two-months coma.

Silently, Anna stepped in and placed the flowers upon the dozen bundles underneath on the bedside table. "Hey, Elsa."

The ticking of the clock greeted her coldly, only.

Decidedly, she sat down beside her girlfriend, her hand - while hesitant - took Elsa's. Sometimes, it was always comforting to know that Elsa still felt warm. "Your mom and dad… missed you a lot. Didn't see you for a week. They're outside doing paperwork, but they should be able to see you in a bit. But I wanted to see you first." She sighed, and it was such an exhausted sigh. "Your birthday is coming up. Without you here… I don't what I should give you." She leaned in, pecking Elsa's hand. "Oh, by the way… I thought I should start going back to school soon. I really want to graduate, you know? But… I know my priority is taking care of you."

The door slowly swung open with Elsa's parents coming in. "Sweetheart, are you doing alright?" was Agdar's first question to Anna. In reply, her smile that was given to him was tight, and she nodded. He leaned in to kiss her forehead. "Sorry, we took a bit to finish the papers."

"That's fine." Anna turned to Idunn. She had quickly placed the flowers in a vase, half-filled with water. "Idunn?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think I should just… pack up Elsa's stuff? They've been living in the dust for a bit in the apartment."

The mother hummed in contemplation, and slowly organized the flowers into the vase. "It's up to you, baby. Do you want to move her stuff back to our house?"

She shrugged, turning to her girlfriend. "Wouldn't it feel so empty in the apartment…?" she asked herself, but mostly, she expected her girlfriend to answer. The sun gently beamed down Elsa's pale skin, her blonde hair dancing with the glowing twinkles. A smile tugged across Anna's face, and she ran her fingers through the thick strands covering Elsa's face. _You look so peaceful, darling…_

"Well, if it feels empty, why don't you just leave the boxes here?" Agdar replied, attempting to be logical.

"Yeah." She sniffled, standing. "Um, I'm going to go to the bathroom for a bit."

The man ran his hand through her hair. Even he could sense the impending sadness emitted from Anna. "Go on, we'll take it from here."

Anna didn't dare to flash a glance at both parents. She knew darn well what pity looked like, and she did not want it.

The empty bathroom really highlighted how she felt. Emptiness. In every way possible, a significant part of her had learned that from now on, she would be the one taking care of Elsa. Sure, everything had been steady since the start, but there was a looming dread that everything could go wrong in a matter of seconds.

She turned the faucet on, letting bubbles of water drench her hand. She eyed herself in the mirror. The same dreadful stare reflecting herself. The amount of sleep she was getting these days had gotten less. Shadows loomed below her eyes, but it was to be expected. Without Elsa beside her, how could she ever sleep? She even dared to say she hadn't washed Elsa's pillow for the past few months because she needed her scent. She needed something intimate.

Anna took this chance to clear her mind and wash her face before coming out. With hands in her pocket, she slowly strode down the hall. The hospital was scented chlorine, and her eyes wandered as nurses, doctors, and patients that passed her. She had gotten so used to the sight now. Day after day, she'd see more and more come in when she came to visit Elsa. Many times, she wondered if these people had experienced the same thing that Elsa had experienced. Maybe worse. But there shouldn't be a single comparison.

She sighed, knocking on the door before she turned the knob. "Hey, Idunn -"

Her body froze. Her whole world froze. She was glad she wasn't holding anything because she would just drop it instantly.

In front of her… Elsa's parents wept. In front of her, she could hear the cries. She could hear the relief, the joy. And, in front of her… those blue eyes that Anna had always yearned to see were clearly gazing back at her. The smile that Idunn had promised Elsa would show wasn't there, but Anna didn't care.

She was completely stunned. Idunn was calling her to come, but she could barely hear it. "Elsa…" she whispered, and before she knew it, she had run towards them, gotten between Elsa's parents, and lunged right at her girlfriend. Hugging. Hugging her tighter. "Oh god, Elsa…" her voice wept, fingers running through her hair. She couldn't believe it. She wanted this to be a dream. For all the days that she had wished Elsa to wake up… she didn't expect Elsa to wake up now.

Those blue eyes, while drained from her two months rest, was as clear as day. She missed it all. She had so much to say, but it was all drowned in her cries.

"Elsa… I missed you. Oh God, I missed you…" Gentle, trembling lips pressed against the crook of Elsa's neck, and she could feel her own tears streaming down her cheeks to kiss her flawless skin. Her heart raced with passion, with gratefulness, with thankfulness. It was a miracle.

Her body tensed as she felt a hand caressing her shoulder, and from just the touch, she knew it was Elsa. Her lips were gifted with their very own smile upon her crying face. For the first time, she welcomed Elsa's touch… she welcomed her home.

"Excuse me…"

Anna hummed against the crook of her girlfriend's neck. Only when nothing followed, only when Elsa had stopped caressing her shoulder, she pulled away. Her longing fingers slowly caressed her girlfriend's cheek - though, as dry as a desert. Her eyes… grew softer than the glow of the sun. And Elsa still looked beautiful.

"God, I thought…" Her hand cupped her pale cheek, "I thought you really were -"

"Excuse me… I'm sorry," Elsa's voice croaked. "Who… are you?"


	3. Chapter 3: Cherry

Chapter 3: Cherry

* * *

_The gentle peace drenched the dry summer air, and the birds chirped like they were all singing songs of fairytales. The sun gleamed down in the direction towards their air-conditioned living room, its ceiling lights turned off as the shine from that very star was plentiful. The calm afternoon was spent with just them in their own apartment, minding their own business, yet… still knowing their loving presence was nearby._

_Anna, clean and refresh from the shower, had come out of the bathroom. Her damp auburn hair, slowly dried with a pink towel, shimmered from the light once she had stepped into the living room. She leered in awe at the person standing in the balcony, those long bare legs gifted with appreciation from her turquoise eyes. _

_The weekend was often spent with them relaxing together, going on dates that, in the end, would leave them with satisfied exhaustion. Rarely would they stay home. But that day, they decided that staying home and tending to chores in the most laziest form would be their perfect date. _

_It __was_ _a perfect date. The most excellent of them all. _

_It was barely their first year together, having to have moved in just a few weeks ago. There were still boxes laid on the corner that neither of them had the temperament to tend to. Often, they would work together, and it would be their time spent with each other. _

_Anna felt at home, being here with her, at least. After the death of her parents, she had found nobody… but Elsa had found her. Of course, every perfect relationship would have the rockiest start, but every moment together, she cherished it all with great pleasure. _

_Moving in, she felt that the apartment was too big. Almost like a loft. But the blonde said this wasn't a loft. The words were almost laughable, but Anna was obligated to trust it. Despite their playful banter, she grew into enjoying the space - the extreme modernity and simplicity it came along with it. Her girlfriend always enjoyed that. Simple. Modern. Clean. It was no wonder that she was an architectural designer. _

_And life was perfect. Anna had never felt such… happiness coursing through her like a shot of stimulant. She loved how sophisticated her lover could be, and a deep part of her had quickly fallen in love with her playful side. Her nice side. Her… well, she could say, her girlfriend was perfectly __messy_ _sometimes. And that was what she was staring at, at the moment._

_In deep silence, she was still none but in complete wonderment, as she watched the blonde woman - simply dressed in an oversized white blouse, collar draped over one bare shoulder, and nothing more - sway her hips from one side to the other in repetition. Her body was outlined and drawn in the clearest, most glorious way as the sun seeped through the thin cloth of her shirt. Her slender legs gently caressed one another, and her long fingers carrying a scissor carefully continued snipping away at her dozen colorful roses and prickly vines wildly wrapped around their black wooden trellis. _

_Smiling, Anna strode to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge for a snack. A glass bowl of cherries finally found themselves in her hands, and she found herself just behind her girlfriend. The wind, while gentle and smooth, felt refreshing as she noted the way those blonde fringes waltz along as well. _

_Taking a bite of her cherry, she looked over her girlfriend's shoulder in curiosity. Her gentle face… though, concentrated, looked lovely. Just as lovely as her favorite roses she was trimming. Those inviting lips hummed along to the music she was listening to, letting her earphones shut the world out. _

_She chuckled to herself, cherry between her teeth, as she watched for a little bit more. It was cute that her girlfriend couldn't even notice her standing behind her, as distracted as she was. But this wasn't what she came here for. _

_As careful as she could be, she pulled one side of the earphone and placed them over her own ear. She hummed, head swaying, and her girlfriend had slowly turned over to her shoulder. Curious blue eyes met with the amusement and fun that were Anna's teal eyes. "I can see my baby swingin', his Parliament's on fire and his hands are up…" Anna sang, her voice as gentle and raspy as it could be, her free hand reaching to squeeze between her girlfriend's fingers, crawling up to caress her thin wrists. "On the balcony, and I'm singing 'ooh, baby, ooh, baby, I'm in love'…" _

_The blonde simply had an appreciative smile running along her pretty face. And in the melodic silence, she watched as Anna continued to sing, scissors placed on the glass table, back leaned against the cold metal balcony bars… and with much gentleness, Anna had pushed her wrist against those bars as well, and her girlfriend had let it. _

_Anna simply took that chance to press her body against her lover, their height just a head apart. "I can see my sweet boy swayin', he's crazy y Cubano como yo, la, la…" she continued, her whisper hoarse with desire, head tilting, nose brushing against Elsa's... and her two fingers grasped the thin stem of a cherry. Between her teeth again… she bit down on the crimson dessert. Eyelids were hooded, dreamy eyes gleaming, and her pupils were colored with expectations. "Hm…"_

_The blonde, as gentle as she was, held Anna's wrists, fingers tracing on her blue veins… and those lips that Anna had longed to kiss slowly came together with her own. She hummed, overjoyed, and while the sweetness, bitten between the two, overpowered her taste… she welcomed it. _

_Anna's freckled skin prickled with excitement, feeling her lover's gentle hair brushing against her brows… and she felt at peace when a gentle tongue danced with her own, but most of all… the blonde had drenched herself with the taste of cherry. _

_Soft hums and moans slowly escalated to giggles and prompted laughter when her girlfriend had the redhead suddenly wrapped with her arms around Anna's slender waist and had switched their two places. Still, their lips never once drew away from each other, like they paid no mind to the world… _

"_Mm…" Anna buzzed, and she had laid her delicate fingers on the sharp edge of her lover's jaw, her tongue pushing in with passion and the extreme longing… the drug that was her girlfriend's sweet honey. Only when they pulled away, a small series of pecks painted their lips… and the drawn smile she had spiraled into an expression of desire. And her girlfriend… looked nothing more than the same. Anna hummed again, vocals lowered this time, and her skin prickled when she felt hands draped over her thighs… when she felt those sharp ocean blue eyes stripping her from innocence, painting her with desire._

_But only then… only when they knew things would take them somewhere else, they pulled away. The song continued to play on repeat, but nobody was paying attention when their attention was all averted to each other. _

_Her lover's intense gaze… was leaving her in a puddle of heat - not to mention, the sun beating down on them. But those cold blue eyes had been a wonderful contrast - the pad of her gentle thumb caressing her bottom lip even more. The blonde had grinned, pleased, and she had leaned in once more, tongue licking the fruity wetness on Anna's chin. "You had a little juice." _

_The redhead chuckled. "It was for you." _

_She pulled away, spitting out the single pit over to the streets below. "You must be having fun," the woman stated, entertained and all. _

_Anna tilted her head. Decidedly, she turned, pressing her back against the blonde's front… and their arms held each other tight. Their body swayed, eyes twinkling in the afternoon sun, and feeling a sharp chin placed on Anna's shoulder… everything felt lavishing. "You paid more attention to those roses than you do with me. How else am I going to get your attention?" _

_A peal of light joyous laughter sang to her ears. "Are you jealous, baby? I'm sorry. I think that kiss made up for it." She licked her lips. "It's sweet." _

"_That's hardly a 'make-up'" Anna pouted, playfully. _

"_Should I get you a ring then?" _

"_Not everything is about money, Elsa." She paused. "Although... a ring does sound nice." _

"_Hm… I'll see to it." Fingers gently pushed back Anna's hair, stroking them like a child with repetition. Ah, Anna always adored these little attentions. "You should help me with the roses. I don't like letting them wither away." _

"_You pay so much attention to them, they might as well be more alive than ever." She reached out to play with the pile of trashed petals on the glass table in front of her. And Elsa continued to pamper her girlfriend with kisses on the crook of her neck, caressing her hair. _

"_Remind me why I'm with you again?" Elsa chuckled lowly, sweet words whispered into Anna's ears. "You made me feel alive. So alive. These roses…" Her cold hand slid atop of Anna's, fingers drawn between each other. The way Elsa eyed those their tightly knitted fingers… Anna could just feel them embracing their closeness. "They're for you." _

_The redhead almost rolled her eyes. Elsa was hardly good at being sentimental. "You're saying I'm a flower?" _

"_A representation of love, beautiful," she answered, lips kept to her ear. "What else could you be… if not, love? Keeping them tidy is one thing. Keeping them in pristine condition through the reminder of you is another. And I choose the latter." _

"_I mean, you always say they're your favorite, even before we were even together." _

_She laughed once more. "Well, then, having you here motivates my enjoyment for them even more, right?" Pausing, Elsa looked out to the accompanying building across the street. "Besides… I like my women with a bit of thorn to them," she purred._

_The rumbling voice sent shivers down Anna's spine, but she minded none of it. "Oh, you are just… sometimes too flattering." _

_Elsa hummed in agreement. "True. But you deserve it. After everything…" Anna's shimmering, the longing smile was abandoned, and her own eyes fell to the crowded streets. "I think you deserve a bit more pampering." _

"_Elsa, you don't have to guilt yourself anymore. It wasn't your fault… and I was being over-dramatic about your parents."_

"_It's not just that." _

"_Okay, I made some bad choices, as well, but they're not on you either," she replied nonchalantly. _

"_It's not up to you to decide. Well, maybe it is, but…" she shrugged, "if I can't love my girlfriend and make her smile, am I even deserving of her?" _

_She grasped the bars of the balcony. "I don't think I deserve you." _

"_And I think you deserve a lot." Lips kissed Anna's neck once more, and just as the redhead had turned around to face her, those once lustful blue eyes had softened with love. Happiness. Thankfulness. Words could not describe the beautiful grace that was Elsa. "You have me now. You have a home. While it may not be much, this is all yours." _

_She looked over her shoulder to the empty living room. "You… bought this apartment for me?" _

"_Mm… well, I thought of you. But the designs are all me," she half-joked, "I meant it when I said I'd give you everything just so you can smile for me." _

_And Anna did just that. "You're silly. How can such a good designer with a personality of a complete control freak who's able to do a switcharoo whenever talk so nonchalantly like that? Don't I smile enough for you?"_

_She huffed, eyebrows crossed. "Money gives power, and you have all the power in the world, baby. Did you just say I have a personality of a control freak?" _

_Anna arched her eyebrow, jutting her hip to the side. "Well, you are one, aren't you?" _

_The blonde's eyes wandered in contemplation. In reluctance and agreement, she sighed. "Sometimes, perhaps. But it's all to your best interest." _

"_Yeah, yeah, of course," she replied, words heavy with sarcasm. "Still… you're too kind. Too soft-hearted." _

_Elsa placed a finger on her lover's chest. "I'm your girlfriend. It's what I do. Look at me. I'd do anything for your happiness in return. I don't need anything from you… other than to see your smile. I would apologize a thousand times for my inconsideration, no matter how many times you have forgiven me. Your parents would be very happy with the way you are now." _

_Anna remained the quietest, relishing the lightness of the wind touching her sun-kissed skin. She'd always find Elsa to be considerate, but even the most perfect person would always have second thoughts about themselves and others. "God, I love you…" _

"_And I, you." _

* * *

A few dreading seconds of silence felt like a lifetime of torture. Perhaps, she heard her say the wrong words - those wrong, hurtful words that she never expected Elsa to say. Perhaps, it was her imagination. Or this was just another awful nightmare. But if this was ever a joke, it was hardly funny. Not to mention, it was the first thing her girlfriend ever said to her after two months of her slumber.

Anna's heart was expectedly tense, pushing her own body away to stare at the blonde in confusion. The tears that rested on her eyes remained there, and those same bitter tears that streamed down her cheeks rested on the tip of her chin. Everything… felt so foreign to her. Those curious blue eyes that stared back at her showed no sign of familiarity, and Anna… never felt more broken and confused.

Through the echoes of prolonged silence, through the robotic melody of her own heart pounding along with the vital sign monitor, Anna had turned to the two parents. The look of silent shock between the two mirrored Anna's.

She was in denial. She thought Elsa's parents had said she was strong and smart - what kind of person would forget about their girlfriend after two months?

Anna slowly separated from her, laughing, but it was such despaired laughter. "W-What? What did you just say…?" she questioned, disbelieved.

Those unfamiliar eyes stayed exactly the same. The blonde had ignored the question, looking over to her shoulders for the two parents. "I… I just asked, who are you? Do I know you?"

The remaining trust and hope of Elsa smiling for her had crashed down, and it was as if Anna was the one that had been crushed by the truck. Shock coursed through her… her body unmoved from the bed, and those loving eyes turned into fear. "E-Elsa…? Why are you asking that? Elsa, it's me! What are you talking about?!"

Just as she had put hands around Elsa's arms, she felt a pair of strong arms quickly restraining the redhead. "Anna - Anna, calm down!" Agdar shouted, each word agonized with heartbreak.

But Anna wasn't having it. That was her girlfriend. That was her love of her life… but in front of her, she knew she was only merely looking at a shell that was once her girlfriend. She whimpered, grabbing the father's arm in need to push him away. Her tingling fingers and her numbing shakiness resulted in her weakness, and she merely collapsed right on Elsa's lap in her bed. "You know me, Elsa! What are you talking about?!"

"Anna!"

Her hands quickly squeezed her girlfriend's shoulders. She was blinded. She wasn't seeing the fear in Elsa's face She wasn't seeing the way Elsa was trying to push her away. She wasn't hearing how her girlfriend was crying for help - or was she really Anna's girlfriend?

"Stop joking around, Elsa! You know me -" she wept. Unbeknownst to her, Agdar and a few foreign hands of doctors that had come in had struggled to pull her away. Idunn… from the side wept like a child before she got between the two girls. "YOU KNOW ME!" She tugged away from them harder but to no avail.

"Anna, don't do this!" the father yelled.

"LET GO OF ME! Elsa -" And as she felt the doctors continuously drag her away… the view of her girlfriend had gone farther and farther away. The sight of her girlfriend staring at her wasn't fear that Anna had once seen on her expression. It was pity. Apologetic. "You know me… Elsa…" she whispered, but only the sharp slam of the door answered her back.

And for a long while, every single sound of the hospital - every gentle voice, every comforting sound - sounded like ugly statics in her ears. She had been sitting on the row of chairs across Elsa's room, teal eyes completely spaced out, but she would always notice doctors coming in and out of the room. How Agdar would come out every so often to get her a cup of water. To comfort her.

No, all she wanted was to hear some news - but, perhaps, all she ever wanted to hear was good news. Good news that would ease her tense, shattered heart.

It shouldn't be her. It should never have been her. Elsa should have been by her side, as they had always promised each other. At a time like this, Anna still felt the gentle reminder… a remnant of her lover's touch on her hand. Caressing her cheek. All she could imagine were those fingers wiping away her tears, lips pampering her with soft sweet nothings, and kisses that would cure her unhappiness.

_It should never have been her. _Anna sighed, breathing shakily, and her head dropped to the ground.

The door that closed in front of her face before had opened for the seventh time.

"Sweetheart, would you like to eat something? It's almost six."

Anna didn't look up, knowing it was Idunn's turn to make her feel better. The older woman wouldn't understand. Hearing a long drag of sigh, she felt the mother sit beside her, her hand coming to soothe her shoulder. "I have some news for you." _She makes this all sound so comforting. _

Anna squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't want to hear it."

"I understand. I know you don't." Idunn gaped at the door. Of course, through the blurry window, they could both see simple outlines of Agdar… and the woman that laid in bed, still. "This won't sound good for you, but I want to get started by saying this. And I think… it would benefit Elsa a lot. Only, it would hurt you a lot as well."

Anna definitely did not want to hear it now. Like a child, she placed her palms against her ears.

"Anna, you must listen to me -"

"I don't want to." She took a deep breath, and with much courage, she managed to look up. Of course, Idunn's weary expression mirrored her own. "She… _doesn't_ remember me, Idun. What am I supposed to even do... ?"

"That's why I need you to listen to me." Fingers - and, oh, she desperately wished they were Elsa's - ran through her disheveled hair.

"I… I can't do a single thing for her…"

"I know, sweetheart. I know." A short paused quickly fell upon them. "Right now… I think the best thing for her… Anna, it's to not tell her you're her girlfriend."

Instantly, Anna stood up, ferocity and heartbreak shown in her widened eyes. "You… want me to _what?" _She squinted. "Are you kidding me?!"

"Anna, we don't want her to stress any longer!"

"She lives with me -"

"And she will _continue _to live with you… as roommates."

"Roommates… are you _fucking_ serious?" Anna scoffed, and she was just beyond disbelief. Her own hands folded in her hair, and her legs began to pace without any patience. There were so many things running through Anna's head. As much as she loved to pick one and choose to say, her lips were pursed tightly together. But the silence was deafening, and Anna had no clue what she should even say to Idunn. Her eyes began to water again, vision blurred, but deep down in her shattered heart, she recognized how true Idunn's words were.

Lacking any mental strength, she plopped back down on the chair, her hand wiping her face.

That door she continued to stare at was more haunting than ever, and she feared that if she ever entered, her girlfriend would be lost once more. She chewed on her lip in contemplation, in wonder… and she wondered to herself if her heart really wanted this.

She turned to Idunn, and the distraught in her eyes had been rebuilt with lasting comfort. Though, it was comfort that seemed so artificial. Anna could see it. Idunn was only trying her best, but her best was never enough.

"Anna… I know you don't want this. I know…" she sighed, fingers wringing together in a nervous touch, "I know there are some things that Elsa knew about you… and now, she doesn't. She's… a lovely girl. A grown woman. She loves you so much, and she brought that love to us, as well. You are my daughter as much as she is mine, and it hurts just as much to see you like this. To see _her_ like this. Think about it… if you told her now, imagine how heartbroken she would be. How sad she would be because she doesn't know who her girlfriend is anymore. She would want to take this slow, wouldn't she?"

Elsa always had the knack of wanting to take things particularly slow. Hell, even she realized wanting to marry in such a young age would be detrimental to their dream future. She wanted to hear those words again - _I want to marry you_. Waiting… it was always waiting… and it was time for Anna to be as willing and patient as she could be.

Though reluctant, she eyed Elsa's mother with such sorrow and exhaustion, the crimson color absolutely drained from her cheeks. Silence met the air, but her hurried thoughts continued to scramble to piece her words together. "Can I see her?" was her last plea, as much as she did not want to say those words.

But Idunn was understanding. Placing a hand on Anna's shoulder, she nodded in acceptance. "Sure, honey. Would you like the doctor to inform you what's going on?"

She nodded.

"Alright, we're here for you. Both of you."

The door was the only barrier between the lovers. She didn't want to touch the knob, and as if it burned, she turned to Idunn for assistance. Understandably, the mother obliged through unspoken words, and Anna… only took a single step inside.

Everything was quiet - and any words that were said before had ceased to sound. Agdar was looking at her. The doctor had been doing a thorough examination, but not anymore. And Elsa…

Silently, Anna gazed at the woman, who immediately eyed her back with nothing but… well, how would she describe it? Confusion? Peace? Of course, there the lack of love in Elsa's eyes disappointed Anna greatly. _And I don't want to see that. _Like a child being punished, she glanced to the floor, arms crossed together.

"Doctor… would you like to talk to Anna, please?" Idunn aided.

Agdar immediately turned to Anna, hand on her back. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

She nodded, and once she had gazed up, Elsa was still staring at her. _Can she stop? _

And while she was completely distracted with the hatred of seeing Elsa looking at her like she was a stranger, the doctor had stretched his hand out for Anna. "Hello, I'm Doctor Watson. I know you've been worried about Elsa's condition. May we sit down with her for a moment?"

The redhead, with a lack of enthusiasm, looked at the tall man. Her eyes shifted to his chest pocket, where his nametag spelled out "James" as his first name. "Sure."

"Good. Parents, would you like to give us some space please?" His overly enthusiastic smile… Was he _trying_ to make Anna gag? Ignoring them, Anna decided to take a seat on the chair beside Elsa. And still, their gaze… never left each other. Sounds from the background, voices from the parents became nothing but statics. And though, she was thoroughly tired, she made an effort to glance at Elsa's colored cheeks… to her frail hands… to the glistening eyes filled with questions and curiosity. Nothing could be said, but Anna… didn't have the words to say much either. _I guess… I'm still in shock. _

The door had silently shut, the doctor finally approaching the two of them.

"Okay," he took a deep breath, "Anna, if you would just listen carefully…"

The girl shifted her attention to James immediately. She had no more will to see those frequent distant blue eyes. The doctor had crouched to her level, elbows placed atop of his knees, and because of his tall structure, his long white coat dragged against the floor.

James, for a moment, took a chance to look at Anna. To Elsa. "Right, so… as you know, Elsa was in a car crash two months ago. She has been informed about that moments ago, but she's steady right now. Still a little shaken up with everything, but that's okay. I recognize that you… have also been feeling an unbearable amount stress because of this, so I wanted to wait until her parents have all been informed and calmed down as well."

Anna simply nodded. _Well, I'm trying to stay calm. _"So? What is it?"

"To simply put it, she's suffering from retrograde amnesia. Multiple damages to the brain from the accident, unfortunately, was the cause for all of this."

_Retrograde…? _She knew exactly what that was. With bulging eyes suffering in fear, she turned to her girlfriend once more. "Elsa…" she whispered, each word dragging out like her last breath, but she doubted Elsa knew how hurt she felt. No, Anna knew exactly how Elsa felt, and she realized how much help her girlfriend needed. How much love she would need as well. "How long?" she asked, but her eyes never left Elsa.

The doctor sighed, turning over to the blonde. "Elsa, would you mind telling us how old you think you are again?"

The same muddled stare switched from the doctor to Anna multiple times. Of course, Anna knew the uncertainty in her expression. After all, she was the one that had panicked on her. With a gentle smile, she slowly reached for Elsa's hand - as cold as always - and her eyes glistened with love. "Go on, you can tell me," she breathed as lovingly as her breath could mutter.

Though knowing that Elsa was hesitant, Anna was patient. She listened to the woman exhale a short wisp of breath, head tilting… and she turned to Anna once again. "I… I'm seventeen years old."

_What? _In disbelief, Anna had pulled herself slightly back, her hand that was caressing Elsa's hand had left immediately. She squinted in confusion, she scoffed in frustration… and, most of all, her brain could not comprehend the words that came out of her mouth. "_Elsa… you're twenty-four… _turning twenty-five…" was her reply, but it was a reply to herself.

The blonde quirked an eyebrow up. "Twenty-five…?"

"That's how much memory she's lost," the doctor continued. "Eight years. Not to mention -"

Elsa immediately groaned, eyebrows furrowed. All attentions were shifted to the blonde, watching as her hand grasped her right leg. "I… I can't move my legs." The woman lifted her torso as if attempting to sit up. Another agonized groan slipped out, and her grasp grew stronger.

"Elsa…?"

"_Why_ can't I move my legs?" she questioned, and it was her words that were agonized now.

Promptly, Anna came to her side, hand reaching for Elsa's. Fear was written in both of their expressions, but it was Anna that needed to remain firm. "Elsa… Elsa, calm down - Doctor, what is this?" Her fingers gently swiped through her blonde hair.

"Muscle atrophy."

"M… Muscle, _what_?"

"She's been in bed for too long. With the injury and the lack of physical activities, her muscles were wasted. She will need physical therapy for a bit."

"Are you… serious?"

"This is a _very_ serious matter, Anna. Doctors would never lie about this stuff." He paused. "Not to worry, she will be back on her feet in no time with a few sessions of physical therapy."

_No shit she will be back on her feet. _

Every single destructive emotion crashed through Anna like flaming meteors. Her eyes wandered, as if crazed, and as much as she wanted to pay attention to the doctor… her girlfriend was suffering. Crying. Tears rested upon those beautiful eyes, and like the girl she once knew… Elsa wasn't giving up, despite not a single muscle was moving for her.

And Anna felt like she had lost everything. Glancing at the legs unmoved under the thin violet blanket, at the fingers that showed only skin and bone, she felt as her whole world had fallen apart. _Remember… it's for her. _

Taking a deep breath, Anna immediately stood up, her arms slowly wrapped around her lover's head. She shut her eyes, lips pressed against her hair. And as Elsa continued to struggle to get her legs to move, Anna kept her close to her arms. Every little hurtful thought had turned to whispers of encouragement and reassurance. Deep down, she knew it wasn't going to do much, and neither would it fix what had happened. "Elsa… I've got you… I've got you. It's okay, you don't have to try…"

A whimper replied to her, and those thin fingers had begun to grasp Anna's wrist. And only then, only after Anna had held her tighter and closer, Elsa had calmed down. A moment, while short, meant so much to Anna as she felt her girlfriend lean closer… much closer to her. _That's all she needs… _

The fingers that wrapped around her wrist began to wrap around Anna's shoulder. They never pulled away. They never tried. This was the familiar comfort they'd both feel with each other.

And while the silence drifted, she felt Elsa's head against the crook of her neck, only to feel her pull away.

Her gentle teal eyes searched Elsa's, allowing her knuckles to caress her girlfriend's pale cheeks, fingers trapped between the strands of Elsa's hair. "You're okay… you're going to be okay." _Because you helped me be okay once upon a time… _

With confusion and fear written all over her face, Elsa's only question was… "Who are you…? Who are _you_?" Hopelessness was emphasized through her weak voice.

As simple as it should have been to say those three words, Anna's tongue was caught in her throat. Simply, gazing at her lover - the lover that needed much saving and love - Anna couldn't bear a second of seeing extreme fright carried in her deep blue eyes. Flashes of memories rolled through her thoughts like videotapes. The touches of laughter. The smiles. The hugs. The kisses. The sweet nothings whispered in her ears. The way Elsa would look at her… with such desire, such love, such… devotion. _Will I ever have that again? _

With a tight smile, Anna answered in the most vulnerable voice, "I'm a friend, Elsa."


	4. Chapter 4: White Mustang

Chapter 4: White Mustang

* * *

_The single thought never occurred to the beaming redhead that her lover would look this beautiful. Beauty, perhaps, was an understatement of what her pure eyes were staring at right now. Yet, perfection didn't do her much justice either. _

_Though Elsa had simply been pushed down against the couch, Anna restlessly gave her girlfriend the time of her life. Celebrations were often hard to come by… but this was their first anniversary together - and a quite loving, sweet, lavender-scented one as well. They were going to make the very best of it. _

_The scented candles lit dimly in the living room - a few on the table, a few by the sides… but nonetheless, they trailed down their narrow hall to their empty, but warm bedroom. _

_Anna was looking forward to this night. A night filled with peace, warmth, and touches. Gods, the touches… _

_Their spring blossomed with intense love and desire, and if Anna had ever said she was sick of it… she was only lying to herself. _

_With the tree leaves rustling through the slow night and the warmth of the breeze creeping between the gap of their balcony door becoming a gentle reminder of how beautiful the weather was, contentment fed their soul… and Anna was thoroughly content with entertaining her girlfriend. _

_She smiled, placing herself right on her lover's lap. Stretched arms circled around Elsa's neck, fingers dancing through her thick blonde strands trapped in a braid. The music in the background drowned in their giggles, but it had sounded like white noises for a long time. After all, the attention was always on each other. _

_The mirrored expression Elsa had given her was filled with amusement and marvel, but the lingering silence was the most amusing of all. Figuring out those thoughts of hers was always a fun game for Anna. _

_The redhead hummed, tilting her head… and she completely disregarded the cold fingers that had begun to unbutton her collar shirt. One by one, her bosoms were revealed to be constricted and held by a lacy velvet bra._

_Of course, there was no shame between them… and, in fact, Anna quite enjoyed the pleasant surprise shown in Elsa's expressive eyes. _

"_Hm. Interesting," were Elsa's only words._

_Curious, Anna quirked an eyebrow up. Her two free fingers grasped Elsa's sharp chin, forcing her icy eyes to meet her own. "Interesting? You were the one who bought the set for me." Anna charmed a smirk on her face. She figured since it was their anniversary, dressing up wasn't going to do any harm. _

_The pleasant touch of Elsa's hand running up her wrist sent shivers down her arched spine. Oh, everything was indeed… almost too pleasant. Anna couldn't simply have more patience. _

"_I spoil you too much to know what I got you and what I never got you. I'm pretty sure I bought your own person as well," she chortled, her hands tracing all over Anna's thighs, fingers grasping all that they could find. Elsa seemed… more than satisfied with this arrangement - leaning against the couch ever so lazily, hair running along her shoulder freely, her smirk showing her own amusement. There was not a hint of constraint and hesitation between them, and Anna had quickly fallen in love with their own intimacy. _

_The redhead, feeling strands of free copper hair trailing over her eyes, dragged her own fingers to run them back. Her chest jutted out to show off her lingerie, and she did so ever so confidently. Of course… the single thought of her girlfriend being enticed by the sight aroused Anna's deepest desires and addiction. _

"_You have a funny way of telling jokes. You should do that more often," the redhead replied, and her whole body disregarded the feeling of Elsa's wandering hands caressing her stiff thighs and arched back. Her focus was trapped in the blueness of those glowing eyes. _

_Elsa arched a brow up. "Well… they are jokes. Shouldn't they be funny?" _

"_Mm…" Anna sighed, letting her skin scream with pleasure, her eyes gleamed of thirst. She wouldn't even mind that her lover just kept quiet, and allowed her to do her own thing. With her. To her. "It's just… you rarely say funny things. Which is funny because you trying to say anything funny is funny, itself." _

"_Four times. You said 'funny' four times in two sentences." _

"_When your girlfriend is making you short-circuit with that stare, you're bound to say something stupid." _

_In a silent reply, her lover ran her perfect hands up and around Anna's back… fingers grasping the collar of her shirt. Anna was unmoved, waiting in patience, watching with eagerness… and the feeling of fragile fabric fall off her sharp shoulders and small back sent jolts of intense pleasure down her spine. Soon after, she could a hear the snap of the small buckle her bra and feel the straps trailing off her shoulders. _

"_You know… I've decided, this anniversary doesn't seem so bad, after all." Elsa started, voice husked. Anna knew exactly what she desired. _

"_Since when do you get to decide these things?" _

"_Since I became your girlfriend, of course," was her bold answer._

"_And what makes you think that?" _

_Her blue eyes gleamed expectedly, lowering them to Anna's bosom. "Well, when you have a girlfriend this beautiful…" She paused. "But, of course, it's not always about the body." _

_The redhead merely pouted, her patience running short. Despite Elsa's refusal to continue, she wanted to hear her girlfriend compliment her… to treat her like a princess. She always adored that. "Do people really talk this much? It's ruining the mood - " _

_A sudden force of Elsa's hand against her back prompted her to slide forward on her lap, meeting Elsa up close. Thank the Gods, Anna was able to hold back a yelp. Though, as bold as she was before, now she felt her face flare with an intense blush… and her sweet yapping lips had quickly grown quiet._

_She watched those tender blue eyes get drawn into the darkness. _

"_I hope I didn't ruin the mood too much," her lips sang, and it was the most perfect song that Anna had heard among all others. Elsa's gentle hand rose to fit around her chin… thumb brushing against the rosiness of Anna's lips. And no other lips looked so perfect to kiss… to feel with her own than Elsa's. _

_She exhaled a breath of desire, feeling the probing thumb spreading her lips… and Anna felt all the acceptance rushing through her like endorphins. She wanted the attention, she wanted Elsa to throw her down and drown her with pleasure and the addictive pain. _

_Pride filled her bare chest, confidence and need drenching her teal eyes, but the moment Elsa had pressed her finger down on Anna's stuck-out tongue, all Anna did was taste. _

_Her own feather touches wrapped around Elsa's wrist, her own head lowered on purpose, expecting her lover could make an effort to brush those copper fringes off her face. Her own lips wrapped loosely around her thumb, and like a good girl - Elsa would love that - drew her girlfriend in. _

_She hummed, leaning into the hand stroking her hair. The blank face Anna was staring at may seem the way they were… but she knew Elsa. That woman was getting impossibly hot and bothered, weathered down with lust, completely speechless. _

"_You look so beautiful…" a whisper, almost taunting, had drawn the hypnotized redhead in even more._

_With a raised eyebrow, she popped her lips off Elsa's finger… only, like an addiction, she continued to serve her lover's soft palm with slow, drawn wet kisses with her pink lips and tongue. She pushed herself up to kneel, having Elsa right between her legs, her own height finally towering intimidatingly over her woman. Still, obviously, the blonde was more than unfazed by it. She wanted it. _

"_You know you're better than anything in the world that I've ever had…" Anna breathed, their nose brushing, searching eyes carrying much endearment. "You're better than her in all the ways that I thought made her special, but she would never give me this kind of high that you're giving..."_

_The blonde tilted her head. "You will always have me, darling." _

_Anna's lips brushed like a feather against Elsa's… and with her eyes hooded with want, with her hand daringly pushing to place her girlfriend's fingers against her full chest, she whispered, "will you have me now?" _

* * *

The last thing she remembered was the everlasting joy she had experienced during her last day of school. The moments of being up on the stage with her teachers, as Elsa had said, filled her with the ecstasy and pride that she had never experienced before. The graduation ceremony, as she remembered, was filled with such joy, inspiration, and young dreams. She had said she'd worked so hard to become a valedictorian, to become to top of the class…

Only now, what made itself home in Elsa's heart was the thought that all this knowledge and hard work that she had ever had, had been erased just like that. In Elsa's own true words, she felt _stupefied. _

It was only natural that Anna felt bad. Not even a single night of soundless sleep had ever crossed her mind. There were so many things - all these feelings, intimate thoughts, the spritely personalities - that were long gone now. The doctor had said patience was the key, but how was that going to change a thing? Would it miraculously bring Elsa's memories back? Or would they finally be back to being the two lovers they knew in a snap of a finger?

Simplicity drowned in complications, and Anna had learned to accept the world between them was totally different now.

The clock ticked plainly above the rows of blue seats fixed against the boring wall, coupled with a few posters. Sitting there, with arms tightly crossed over her chest, Anna was alone - but she wasn't totally alone. A few doctors and physical therapists scattered through the narrow hall in silence, each disappearing and emerging at different times. In front of her was a sheet of glass spanning through and through - only to be interrupted with a few doors down the hall.

Directly behind that were two people - Elsa and a therapist. Equipment all around them had been left untouched. All but parallel walking bars that spanned for a few feet - but, even for a few feet, it was growing extraordinarily difficult for Elsa to walk. All her weights were challenged by her arm strengths, which, each time, were growing weaker and weaker… and eventually, Elsa would collapse on the ground out of exhaustion.

Anna knew this. Anna wanted to help. How could she though?

It had been a month. Progression was slow, but it was still _progress_ nonetheless. There was a hint of determination shown in Elsa's eyes, laid under by a sheet of frustration. It was understandable. Nobody would agree that this was ever going to be easy, and Anna never said that this was ever going to be easy for herself as well. But, no matter what, she took pride in the fact that Elsa was still Elsa… and that woman was never one to give up so easily.

So she didn't give up at all. Elsa had slowly learned to walk better. Faster. Turning around was often a difficult task and she would collapse to the ground almost instantly, but it was still a breakthrough.

She inhaled, exhaled slowly. Time had ticked by slower than she imagined. Lunchtime was creeping in, and Anna wanted to get Elsa back home for the first time as fast as possible. When she should be feeling excited, all she ever felt was dreadfulness.

For the first ever week that Elsa had woken up, Anna made it her mission to hide everything that was related to Elsa - that was related to their relationship. She honored Elsa's parents wishes to keep this quiet, but all she knew was that she had to do this for the sake of herself as well. Sure, secrecy and intimacy went hand in hand, but if Elsa was _ever_ ready for that, Anna would say anything and everything in a heartbeat. And Elsa wasn't.

Of course, there were tons of memorable things - many that Anna thought about hoarding - but in the back of her head, Elsa's heartbreak would answer her nagging thoughts. She had to get rid of them or hide them. By then, Elsa would be home… with an absolutely fresh start.

The clock had ticked twelve on the dot, and Anna wasted no time to open the door to the therapy room. The sound of the click of the heavy door echoed, and the two people turned. Pursing her lips together in a tight smile, she looked at Elsa. "Hey, how's it going?"

Elsa had been back at the beginning of the bars. Sweats were beginning to form on her forehead, eyebrows pressed together in frustration. Nonetheless, she tried her best to smile. "I'm… still trying to turn." Her eyes were basically burning the carpet the way she was glaring at it.

Of course, sympathetic, Anna slowly came to her, her hand grasping Elsa's arm for support. "Here, let's try again, alright?"

The tired blonde had shut her eyes. "Anna -"

"Come on, one step at a time. One… two… There we go."

Slowly, although knowing Elsa was reluctant, they began walking again. The little grunts and groans with each step taken proved Elsa was trying, and she was trying _hard. _Anna quickly learned that if she was near Elsa and holding her, she would unwind a little more. The redhead's smile came to life once they come across half way down the two bars. She even noticed Elsa had loosened her grip a little as well. "See? It's not so hard right?"

"Anna," she groaned, "If you ever tried doing this, you wouldn't… be saying that."

_Did she really have to say that? _

Completely trapped in thought, Anna remained quiet. This was Elsa… This was Elsa she was looking at, talking to, touching… but, in a way, this _wasn't_ her. The fact was if Elsa had ever said that to her, it would a joke. It would always be a horrible joke just to get on Anna's nerve, but the _tone _she had while saying _that? _It felt… accusative and a little hurtful.

She understood Elsa felt like a seventeen-year-old, but her twenty-five-year-old brain _had_ to be mature. But if this was maturity Anna was seeing, then they had a lot to work on. Of course, if a month wasn't enough to reconcile their relationship, would there be any hope in the first place? There had to be. They had worked so hard.

But brushing it off, she assumed that Elsa was merely frustrated with her situation. Anyone would be if they were in her shoes.

Once they had reached the end of the bars, they paused to take a moment of rest. It was often hard to smile for Elsa at moments like this, but Anna tried her best anyway. It was now that Anna had to be the embodiment of encouragement, but even _that_ was never enough. With one hand, she grasped her friend's arm, firm enough to sense its shakiness.

"Ready? Take a deep breath, I'm here with you."

The movement was not instant, and Anna had come to realize that the blonde had to take the time to think and adjust what she wanted to do. With a few deep breaths drawing in and out, Elsa had been glancing at her bare feet. Often, Anna noticed the woman would contemplate how she wanted to do this, so she was as patient as she allowed herself to be… and that was okay. For someone like Elsa, simply walking… was a _privilege_ to her. For Elsa, a simple task that seemed natural to the brain had become the most difficult task. No amount of studying and burying herself in books would help her bodily.

But, finally, with confidence growing, Elsa… with the help of the redhead, began to turn her body first. Inch by inch, her feet began to turn and twist - and, disappointedly, a third of the way through, she tumbled down to the floor.  
"Damn it…"

Promptly, Anna had gotten down to the floor. "Oh, Elsa -"

"Don't!"

Just as she was about to reach for Elsa, the shout had made her flinch and freeze. _Has she… ever shouted like that to me? _She wasn't about to give up. Ignoring her shout, Anna had grasped her arm. "Elsa, let me help -"

"I don't need your help!" She slammed the side of her fist on the ground, shoving the girl away.

"Elsa -"

"Just get away from me!"

As hurtful as it was to hear that, Anna did as she was told. Never in the two-year relationship they had, had Elsa ever shouted at her like that. Never had Elsa ever told her to beat it. Sure, there were many times where Elsa would yell, but it was to _care _and _love _Anna.

In a pained, agonized silence, she watched Elsa grasp the bars, bearing her knuckles white. Her breathing began to grow rapidly, and tears situated themselves upon Elsa's pupils. The frustration… the anger… the need for wanting to be better, and knowing it hadn't improved in the slightest were all shown through her face. And for Anna, seeing that hurt just as much.

"Ghn…" Elsa gritted her teeth, using her upper body strength to push herself up. It took a couple of tries, but after a few moments, the blonde managed to stand up straight. Because of that fall, Elsa had hugged the bars even tighter with her fingers now.

Biting down the need to say anything, Anna cautiously took a step forward. Her hand, even more cautiously, slid on Elsa's back, prompting the woman to turn to her. For a sudden moment, Anna thought she had seen a flash of anger expressed in her eyes. But, perhaps, anxiety got the best of her. "You alright?" was Anna's start, spoken as kind and softly as possible.

Quietly, Elsa nodded. _At least, she's calm now. _"Are we… headed home?"

"Yeah. Agdar is going to come pick us up in a bit. We can have lunch at home."

Elsa slowly lowered her head down. "Could you help me get across?"

Gladly, Anna smiled, nodding in agreement. No matter what happened, the redhead was always willing to support her as much as possible. "Here, one step at a time. There we go."

* * *

"And here we are, home sweet home. It's about time you guys ate lunch, do you want me to quickly make something for you ladies?" Agdar placed the crutches by the doorway, his key dangling around his finger. Anna slowly pushed the wheelchair occupied by Elsa into their cozy living room - although, already feeling like it was lacking special - bearing an appreciative smile to Elsa's father. While being at home felt absolutely freeing, this was different for Elsa. From behind, she could definitely sense the admiration and mesmerization as Elsa examined every little bit of their apartment. It was kind of cute, honestly.

"No thanks, Agdar. I think I can make something for both of us. Don't you have to still go to the rehab center?"

His eyes drifted up to the ceiling in contemplation. Although, knowing there wouldn't be a lot of paperwork to do, Elsa's parents were always cautious about her current condition and how it could be much improved. On a weekly basis, Agdar and Idunn would take turns to understand Elsa's need in the rehabilitation center or if she was ready to come home. While Elsa still had much to digest, it was Anna that decided this was good enough to bring Elsa home. Besides, staying in the hospital for a month - much less, a week - would make anyone grow crazy. Fortunately, Agdar and Idunn were both open-minded, good-hearted people.

"Well, I guess I should speak to the physician. I doubt Elsa would need to go back there for another month. Maybe I'll convince him," chuckling, he patted Anna's shoulder.

At the sweet sound of those sentences, Elsa turned her head. Her face, looking just as similar as the times she was in here, had softened and lit up a bit. "Father, are you saying I don't have to go anymore?"

He raised his eyebrow. "Honey, may I ask, if you are ready to start walking on your own?"

Her joyous smile, while small, had shrunk even more. "I mean… I have crutches. A wheelchair."

"_And_ Anna isn't going to keep helping you all the time."

_Uh, yeah, I can. _Decidedly, she pursed her lips in silence. She knew Agdar had to give his daughter a bit of a push. She observed the little family gathering as Agdar stalked right next to his daughter, lips pecking her forehead.

"Sweetheart, I know you've been trying… and I'm _proud_ of you. You can walk. I trust you. You just need to walk _without_ any help, and I know you can do it within the next few weeks. We're just… worried about you, that's all. Right, Anna?"

She gulped, feeling as if she had just been dragged into this. Well, in a way, she already was. "Y-Yeah."

Audibly, Elsa let out a sigh, head bobbing up and down in a reluctant agreement. "Sure." She paused. "Is Mother home?"

"Your mother has work. Are you going to be fine with Anna?"

"Of course."

"Good. I must go now." His soft eyes, filled with expectations, were drawn to Anna. "Make sure you call if there's anything, alright?"

Anna had almost rolled her eyes. It was like none of Elsa's parents trusted Anna to take good care of her. But all was well when she noticed Agdar had winked - and, practically, that question was meant to be a joke. "Yeah, I'll call. See ya, Agdar."

"I love both of you." With one last hug to both girls, he was gone. All that was left was the soft click of their door… and the two of them in a living room as white and cold as ever. Of course, while Anna had said she loved the modern design of the home, the fact that - as she had turned, watching as Elsa had rolled her wheelchair to the middle of the living room - Elsa was looking at this with such foreign admiration… well, it just _sucked. _

Everything seemed like it was just fresh out of the box, but it was because Anna had taken up the duty to clean twice a week.

A white classical piano sat on the corner between the balcony and the Smart TV hanging on the wall. Speakers had also been mounted on both sides of the TV. The leather couches sat the opposite of the room with a decently sized coffee glass table resting just a few feet in the front. The balcony… well, it looked the same as always - beautifully entwined with twisty vines of roses and other flowers with the afternoon sun perfectly beating down on them. It was no surprise that anyone would find all of this… charming.

Elsa, especially, was the most charmed.

Surely, this was the first time in a while Anna had seen such an expression, so curious and fascinated, but... _It's just she doesn't know she created this. _

Anna crossed her arms together, a smile crossed her cheeks. It was just too tough. "You like it?"

In silence, Elsa nodded. Her fascinated eyes gleamed like they had struck gold. And only… only when she was close to answering Anna in words, the smile Elsa bared disappeared. Anna couldn't keep her eyes off the woman - having to see how beautiful she was even in a wheelchair. In all honesty, her heart still beat for her… but the beauty she was looking at right now was not the perfection that Elsa once was. While the basking sun had shown a great radiance bouncing off her beautifully snowy skin, shadows covering her whole back, it was just not enough.

Slowly, Elsa strolled towards the piano. Her thin fingers, almost like muscle memories, caressed the white and black keys gingerly. And then… a soft string of melody was played. Though it was just a simple series of notes echoed in the room, Anna could hear how natural this all came to the blonde.

"Anna?"  
"Hm?"

"Who am I?" was her first question, as softly spoken as it was, was infused with heartbreak. Her eyes presented longing and distance altogether. Their eyes hadn't met yet, but Anna would always keep her eyes on her.

And Anna wasn't quite sure how to even answer that. "You are…" _My girlfriend. _"A fantastic interior designer."

At that, Elsa picked her head up. Her lips twisted in a featherly smile, the wonderment of her eyes glancing around her space. "I… am an interior designer? Did I design this? All of this?"

Expectedly, Anna's heart began to tense. _Why can't I be happy to see her smile like that? _"Yeah. You built all of this. You wanted simplicity. Modern. You never wanted something extravagant even though you have enough money to buy a house."

Her cheeks… were immediately flared with such color and joy. Elsa gazed down at her fingers, and all she ever looked… was dreamy. "So I did it. I was able to live my dream… I _am_ living my dream. Right?"

"Yeah."

Slowly, Elsa came towards her, sitting just inches away from the standing redhead. If Anna had ever seen excitement before… well, she had never seen that on Elsa for the past month until now. "Then… I am wealthy then, aren't I? Am a good designer?"

Anna pursed a tight smile for her. It was true, a part of her would always still feel proud of Elsa. "You are the most excellent. Although I don't know much about what you do, you were always talking to clients on the phone, always negotiating, always telling me how your clients never once refused your offers. Everyone wanted you. I am always so proud of you - whoa, Elsa!"

Her eyes peeled wide open the moment Elsa had rested her fingers against the armrests and tried her best to stand. Though, a little shaky with a bit of grunt and groans here and there, Elsa let out a small giggle - one that sounded quite relieved - when the redhead held the woman by her waist, pushing her body weight against the Elsa once she was tumbling over.

"I got you, I got you," Anna reassured.

"That was… harder than I expected," she huffed, shifting much closer to steady herself.

"Here, hold my shoulders. What are you doing?" was Anna's harsh question, but her voice was as tender as it could be. Blue eyes observed the redhead curiously, and Anna could feel it kiss her skin. The grasp on Anna's shoulders tightened.

"You seem to know more about me than I do, myself," Elsa stated.

"Well… yeah, you've missed out eight years of your life because of that car accident."

"I know. You never told me what kind of car I have."

"Care to guess?"

"Lamborghini?" Elsa boldly answered.

Anna nearly burst out into an entertained laughter. The only thing comical about this was the fact that Elsa always _hated_ fancy cars like that. Complaints were often about the fact that they were so small, so little, so _loud, _practically having no space at all to place anything_. _For an especially tall woman like her, sitting in seats that were so close to the floor made her feel like a child. Of course, complaining about it was purely ironic with the fact that she owned a sports car as well.

But Anna entertained her. "You have a pure white mustang... You got it just after you were promoted and got your own office as well. It's not so cheap to fix it back up, you know? Actually… _It almost cost the amount when it was newly purchased…" _she mumbled to herself, wincing at the imprinted price in her head. "And before you get to say anything - _no,_ you don't get to drive yet."

"That wasn't what I was _going_ to ask." The roll of Elsa's eyes confirmed her sarcasm. She could sense her enlarging smile breathing on her skin… only, when Anna turned to look at her, that had all been gone. "I'm sorry."

Curiosity and worry fueled Anna's soul, and all it had left was a bitter taste. Apologies… well, it was rare for both of them. If they ever once heard it, it was just to mock each other… but there were times where things would get serious - and Elsa had always been the most serious type between the two. With the two words ringing in her ears, Anna just made sure she held the blonde close - no excessive squeezing, no kisses… just the need to care for her.

"Why are you sorry?" she questioned. "Is it because of before? Oh, Elsa, that's… perfectly fine. You were aggravated and tired. I wouldn't expect anything from you -"

"_I'm sorry _for not being the person you thought I would be."

Anna took the long silence as a moment to find her own words. Eyeing the balcony blankly, the lively sun drenched her sight… and the touches that hugged her body never felt this heavy before. But, perhaps, it was just her heart that was dragging her down. Words could not describe how longing she was for the woman that had loved her… for the woman that was her rock and support. But Elsa was here, and at the same time… Elsa wasn't here.

"The least I could do is stand for you. I want to be that person that you've known - I want to be your friend again. I'm sorry I couldn't… do any of that."

Anna shifted herself apart from the blonde, their eyes meeting together. Elsa's were convincingly apologetic, and Anna… could never find a way to look away from that icy blueness of hers.

Unable to give up, unable to bear that look on her face, Anna replied, "the accident wasn't _your _fault. You shouldn't be sorry. You _really_ shouldn't," she chuckled, "because you're still Elsa. Sure, you have no memories of me or… everything has happened in the past few years, but you're still you. And I know _you_."

"You'd know me better than anyone else then."

Her eyebrows were raised, but she didn't disagree. "Hey, soon after, you'd know yourself better than anyone else. It's just going to take some time."  
"You're oddly… bearing this extremely well," Elsa replied, hinting a surprise in her voice.

"I mean," she shrugged, "I _have_ been dealing with you for two years."

"That sounds like an insult."

"I promise you it's not. Here," gently, she helped Elsa to the couch, making sure her comfort was Anna's priority, "why don't you sit tight. I'll make lunch, and you can watch some TV to catch up on recent events - er, you _do_ know how to turn on a TV right?"

A gentle nod and a challenged eyebrow raised were Elsa's response. "I may be a bit crippled, Anna, but I'm not stupid." _Ah, there's those snarky comments. _

Placing the remote in Elsa's hand, Anna's face flushed in a gentle shade of pink with the pleasant thought that Elsa… well, would be back to being her Elsa. Of course, it would take time and patience, but it was what Elsa had always liked about their friendship and companionship.

With a gentle grin, her ears perked at the sound of the rerun of that morning's news on the screen. Ah, so even as little as this - Elsa had always kept up with the latest technology in the hospital. In the back of her head, she could clearly catch the moment Elsa would say, "I told you so", but her eyes betrayed the thought. Elsa was completely engrossed to the TV like it was a college lecture to her. _Oh, what can I do? _

She welcomed the sight with acceptance and endearment - one that she was willing to have Elsa see. "I guess… I can tell you all the things I know about you in a bit."

* * *

_a/n: long chapter is long... and i love writing elsa and anna from the past. _


	5. Chapter 5: Ecstasy

Chapter 5: Ecstasy

* * *

"_What the HELL is this?" _

"_Where did you get that?"_

"_Under your damn mattress."_

"_Elsa -" _

"_You tell me what the hell this is right now, or I swear to God, Anna." _

_Light turquoise eyes, completely exhausted and spent from just doing nothing - yes, absolutely nothing - followed the waving small plastic containment filled with nothing but white powder clamped between her girlfriend's fingers. Specks of them were wasted in the air as her girlfriend trembled angrily and fearfully, and all Anna could think was… 'oh, what a waste'. _

_Not, 'oh no, she found out', or 'I've hurt her again', no. Selfishly, she thought about herself, and she thought of her own greed. The wasted white powder was her life - and she didn't want to miss a single dust of it. In exchange for the unhappiness that followed her throughout these past few months, the poisonous small bag had always given her the small dose of happiness that she needed. Only, it would never last very long. _

_More often than not, Anna always relied on it. Her girlfriend knew… and her girlfriend would always, always tried to stop that. In the end, all Anna ever knew was that no matter what, her mind would always take over her soul - and, in the end, she would always waste her life away with that same control-freak of a mind to drift off to La La Land. _

_And so, the trembling never stopped. The addiction never stopped. But she had tried, always tried to make all of this work, only to have done herself more harm than good. The cycle continued to run in repetition - because if trying was __ever_ _enough to cure her own poisonous fixation, then Anna had no point being here. Trying was never enough, and the freckled girl knew it - and knew of the consequences of stop trying. _

_At a certain point, after months of joyful silence and acquainted peace, this was going to be found out. At a certain point, after months of happiness embedded in their relationship, she would have to face her own demon once again… and this time, she would have to pray that her girlfriend would help her. No, not anymore. _

_Perhaps, she had a different definition of help than her girlfriend had. _

_The eyes that stared back at her were full of fiery and impatience. The glistening of sapphire colored orbs was drowned in all the tears that all Anna could see was her pitiful reflection painted there. _

_She wrung her thin fingers together, steps being taken back, while her girlfriend stayed where she was. _

"_Are you going to answer me?" the blonde growled. "What. The. Hell. Is. This?" _

_Anna gulped, even though her throat lacked any moisture, eyes dilated on the white powders again. "I-I'm… I'm sorry -" _

"_Is this why you haven't been eating all week? This is the reason?" She squinted in exasperation. "You're back at it __again_…_? What is wrong with you?" was her question, a whisper. An accusatory tone dripped purposefully, but it was an unintentional attempt to hurt Anna. _

_Naturally, the redhead couldn't respond in time. The guilt was riding on her shoulders like the world depended on it. The thought swirled around her, 'how could I do this to her?' but never once had she reached out for an answer. Her pride was shattered, her own will completely trashed… yet, the blonde that stood in front of her - while yelling - still cared. In her own way, of course._

_For once, when she always wanted to be beside her girlfriend, all she wanted to do was run away from the guilt that always trailed behind her. _

_It was no use - she couldn't control herself because she stupidly depended on the substance in that little pouch. Saying that she would only take a little bit day after day wasn't any better than any other excuses because, in the end, those white dust would do her more harm than good. She knew that. But why couldn't she handle that truth rightfully? God only knows the answer. _

_Anna pursed her tight lips together, running her hand through her limped hair. The heavy thumping of her heart never stopped, but even with all that blood rushing through her thin veins, she was still as pale as death. _

_Her tongue ran dry from any words, and she had completely thrown all of her leftover dignity away. She needed this. Nobody could take this away from her. _

"_G-G-Give it to me, Elsa -" She stuck her hand out. "Give it to me!" Seeing Anna lunge towards the blonde, Elsa quickly took a step back, pulling the small bag back towards her broad shoulder. _

"_Are you serious?" her soft voice questioned. "You have no shame…" _

_"P-Please, Elsa -" _

_In silence, her jaw tightening, Elsa slowly swayed her head in disagreement. "No, we are __not __doing this. You did this to yourself, remember that." Without another word, Elsa rushed towards the bathroom. _

_Knowing exactly what the woman was going to do, Anna quickly followed behind. "S-Stop it. I-I won't do it anymore, don't flush -" _

_A definite growl could be heard from the blonde as she turned, her braid swaying over her shoulder. With two fingers jabbing against Anna's hurt chest, Anna felt… completely useless. Hopeless. She recognized the fact that there were so many chances given by Elsa, only ruining it in just a span of a few days or weeks. No relapse felt more hurtful than to see her girlfriend look at her in such a disgusting way. And Anna… had no control._

_She stared right into Elsa's eyes, silence falling over their tense surroundings. There were so much left to be desired, and she knew Elsa wanted nothing more than a simple answer. Would pleading help as well? Would she have to get down on her knees? _

_But how could she? Her words, shambling in thought, had been caught in her throat in response to the bleeding anger drenched on Elsa's expression. _

"_You… live in __my_ _house," her girlfriend started, "so that means you obey __my_ _rules. I worked hard to get us a place like this… so we can live lavishly. So I could wake up to see your pretty smile in the morning. I give you allowance - thousands of dollars each month - so you spend them on clothes and food, NOT this. If you cannot stop meeting her… If you cannot stop and think how harmful this __shit_ _is to you… If you cannot think twice about how I would feel when one day I have to hold you in my arms because you could not respond to me…" She pointed towards the front door, scowling like a leopard. "You better get yourself out of here." _

"_Elsa -" _

"_I am not your mother. I am not your father. They are gone. I don't give a shit about any of your excuses. But, necessarily, I __will_ _parent you. I __will __make sure you learn." Promptly pulling away, and as Anna became frozen and stunned as she was, Elsa threw the small pouch in the toilet. _

_"NO -" _

_The sound of the toilet flushing rang between the girls like something out of a horror movie. _

_Anna eyed her girlfriend turning around to her in horror. Seeing the satisfaction in Elsa's eyes just felt wrong. Instead of embracing the hopelessness she once had, shamelessly, she embraced anger. "Why did you do that…?" she questioned, shoulders slouched. "Why did you do that?!" _

_Spiraling out of hatred and desperation, she immediately pounded her heavy fists against Elsa's chest repeatedly. "That was mine! You took away what was mine!" _

_The blonde winced, already struggling to stand upright at Anna's purposeful punches. Anna couldn't care less… hitting her girlfriend, spitting out hatred. Her desperation got the better of her, and she knew her girlfriend would always see right through her, as well. _

_It wasn't instant when Elsa had gathered the courage to stop this idiocy. But once she did, with her fingers quickly grasping tightly around Anna's wrists, she pushed the redhead right into the living room once again. "Stop - Stop that." _

"_Let me go!" Anna squeezed her eyes shut in the struggle, this time using her legs to kick her girlfriend. _

"_You're acting like a child, stop it!" _

_Bitter tears, unknowingly, trailed down Anna's cheeks like a waterfall, her heavy breathing growing more rapid by the second. Exhaustion completely overwhelmed her, but she continued to try to no avail. No matter how much she tried, Elsa was still stronger than her. No matter what, Elsa… was always there to right the wrong. _

_A short moment passed, and eventually, Anna was pushed right against the couch, her girlfriend sitting right against her lap, looming over her with anger and intimidation, hands still squeezing Anna's tired wrists by her sides. _

"_You stop that right now, Anna Andersen. You need help. You need a lot of help," the blonde spat. _

_Was Anna ever going to listen though? She would have openly sought for help… and only because Elsa was there, she didn't. She didn't because once upon a time, having to meet Elsa, she swore Elsa would be the reason she would stop. She swore… her capability and willingness to stay strong against a substance that had ultimately made her weak would have to continue to be stronger for Elsa. _

_How many months had it been since she had sworn that oath to herself? Six months? Eight? Oh, the poor girl's mind had been so clouded from any judgment for so long, she had eventually forgotten what it was like to be so determined. _

"_Get off me -" she whimpered, still gathering the strength to wrestle away from Elsa's tight grip. _

"_Anna, stop that right now. You can't keep going like this. I can't see you drown -" _

"_I-It's easier said than done! You threw away the only thing that would make me happy. You did this! I hate you -" _

_Her voice was muffled, her body tensed, and the moment she felt warm lips pressed against her own, all words were at a loss. Sure, Anna could feel the softness, could feel her girlfriend's warm body flushed against her own, but she was too angry to want it. Though, she was too weak against her girlfriend to even push away as well. _

_With cold hands still locked to her wrists, she had no chance of pushing the blonde away. The kiss was sweeter than honey, but all Anna was able to taste was the bitterness hiding behind that sweetness. Whether she liked it or not, didn't matter to her if all she ever thought about was needing that pouch. _

_She whimpered against her lips, eyes closed… but, finally, after seconds of Elsa against her… after drowning in her scent, she relished the fact that Elsa had shut her up with a tender, passionately kiss. _

_Her heart demanded more, but she knew she didn't want more. Emotions spiraled out of control, and all Anna managed to do was bite hard against Elsa's bottom lip. _

_Hissing with hurt, Elsa promptly pulled away in silence. Her light brows met together in a cold glare, long finger swiping the bottom of her lip to find it completely broken and bloodied. It didn't seem to matter at all though. And Anna was not at all apologetic about it. _

_As the hushed atmosphere continued to thrive, their eyes met each other with nothing but both anger and coldness. No words needed to escape. They both knew how furious they were with each other with different reasons… but Anna forgave that. Anna forgave her… because, deep down, she knew she was in the wrong. She knew… she had to try harder. _

_Her hands, while still placed to her sides, tingled to touch her girlfriend. Maybe to slap her… maybe to just feel her… the feeling was conflicting, but she embraced it. Never once had their eyes left each other… and it was always just like before. Like how they always had been. _

_Sweet blood still dripped down Elsa's hurt bottom lip, but still, her girlfriend leaned in once more, and Anna had let her. Rendered speechless, all Anna could feel was her girlfriend's nose brushing against the side of her own and wet, sticky lips caressing her own with tenderness. But in the end… it was all to stop the fuel that lit this fire in the first place. _

_If Anna minded one bit of this, she would have lost more of her mind than she already had. Unmoved, unfazed, Anna felt hands wrapped around her wrists once more. This time, she realized protesting against her girlfriend was no use, and she found her own arms raised above her own head. _

_They never stopped touching each other. They never stopped enjoying the sounds of their kisses drowning their thoughts, never stopped appreciating each other's sweetness - especially, as messed up as Anna was, enjoying the faint sweetness of the copper-tasting blood. Her tongue reached out for more in appreciation, with eagerness, and Elsa had let her. _

_With her precious broken lips widening, with their chest pushed against each other in an attempt to relish the music that was their hastened heartbeat, all Anna ever wanted now was to give Elsa her apology. To make the blonde feel right for the wrongs Anna had done. _

_Her own soft tongue silkily swept across her girlfriend's bottom lip, catching every last drop of blood that she could. Without words of apologies, this was her way of saying it. Her way of making sure that they would be okay… and Anna would continue to work hard to stop her own abuse against herself. _

_Fingers slowly traced the veins on her wrists, as cold as they were… feeling just as warm as well. And only then, with one last kiss, their eyelids fluttered open like butterflies. The sapphire eyes that were once colored red with anger, became a gentle blue for Anna. Once in a while, Anna would be entrapped and entranced by the way Elsa would admire her and do the same (but she wouldn't know that), and this was one of those alluring times. _

_Almost as if they understood each other, they still hadn't said a word. Of course, while the pleasure was just as pleasant as all the times they had wanted to love each other, a suppressed part of them also still had the fire burning inside their chest. _

_Once having to pull away, Elsa looked like she had just been born out of the heavens, fell to the sky, and of course, realistically, hurt as hell. The expression she presented was exactly one that Anna expected to see - sternness… but even that was beautiful. _

_One by one, her own cyan eyes were drawn at the thin pale fingers picking on the buttons of the blonde's shirt. And with button separated from each other from the top… all Anna relished was the bare skin, snowy and white, gifted for her. Her full bosom trapped in a lacy black bra, her sharp and hallow collarbone, her strong shoulders… toned stomach, beautifully thin arms… _

_And the sight was just alluring as the thin fabric danced off Elsa's body. Anna, though, continued to fall in love with those attentive eyes, never moved… and never had blinked. She was more than appreciative that she would do anything in return for the love that Elsa was filled with. _

_Her own upside-down lips slowly submitted to a smile. Expectedly, Elsa didn't react at all. _

_Instead, the woman simply leaned back down… lips pressed upon lips, thumb drumming against her the redhead's chin… and she was okay with that, completely. All they needed was to feel each other… and all she wanted was to understand her girlfriend a little more, and vise versa. And if a kiss wasn't going to do, then it would have to take a lot more than just learning from each other through a simple kiss… _

_It was gentle, it was tender, and it was slow, and it was everything that Anna wished to have in their relationship. This time, keeping Elsa's words in the back of her head, thinking about their future together, she mindlessly promised herself once more for the endless amount of times - 'I can't break her heart again'. _

_Perhaps then, if she kept that promise, she would enjoy these kisses more often. _

* * *

It seemed like it was just yesterday. Their home smelled like lavender and warmth… if warmth ever were a smell. The background noise consisted of the television, the chirping of birds sitting on their balcony, or perhaps, there would be a peal of small laughter whenever someone was talking in the phone with a friend or an acquaintance. Granted, they had quite a big pool of friends - but once upon a time, they were so fixated with each other that none bothered to ask them to hang out.

Oh, pleasantry was really hard to come by, but when it did, they were both basked into it with all their glory.

This time though? Well, the afternoon sun danced into the living room from the balcony window, the wind gently rustling the flowers outside. The afternoon news was on, and once in a while, she would more often than not hear a short attentive response that consisted of 'hm', 'huh', 'mhm' to the reporters. And, of course, it was also a reminiscence of the past. Elsa… always had a knack of doing that whenever she was concentrating on something.

Still, while Elsa occupied herself with learning about recent events, Anna was also making them a mean sandwich. It was quick work, so it would take a special set of skills for someone to really mess up a turkey bacon sandwich - Elsa's favorite, as well.

Ten minutes later, bringing two plates to the coffee table, Anna eyed the television. News of the White House glared on the screen. "Enjoying it?"  
Elsa pursed her lips in concentration. "Mhm."  
"What's interesting to you so far?" She plopped down right beside her, setting her plate on Elsa's lap. "I made you your favorite."

The blonde, still concentrated, pressed a finger against her lips. "Is it really that often that politics are on the news?"

_Ah. _Anna wasn't too smart on politics either. "Well, I guess, nowadays, people just care more about it."

"Both princes got married."

Anna hummed. "One of them is more recent. Like actually a few months ago."

"Ah."

"Come on, eat before it gets cold. Aren't you hungry?"

"I am." The blonde smiled - and it looked absolutely adorable whenever she did smile. Her eyes were still stuck to the television, gleaming with interests like a complete child, as she took a bite of the sandwich… and it was just one bite. She was back to watching the news again.

Though, as much as Anna wanted to roll her eyes, how could she complain about it? She was learning, relaxed, and she was being entertained without even trying so hard to entertain her. At that, the very least Anna could feel was satisfaction. So she remained quiet, allowing Elsa to take everything in just from the TV. _Eventually, she'll ask me questions… _

The past few minutes consisted of Anna eating in silence, mindlessly watching the screen, and answering questions when Elsa needed answers. Though Anna knew she couldn't be a very reliable source, Elsa still listened attentively - even asking for opinions.

With a full slice of the sandwich eaten, eventually, the blonde had let out a sigh, head dropping down. Even from that, Anna realized what was up, so she turned her attentive ears and focus to Elsa. She also grabbed the remote and turned the volume down, her own plate placed on the coffee table.

"Are you ready?" Anna asked, legs crisscrossing together.

The woman nodded, and the once-spritely smile she had was gone.

"Where do you want to start?"

"I…" her fingers wring together in a tight hold with anxiousness, "well, how… how did we meet?"

That was her first question. A great question, but it was something Anna would need time to tell. Still, Anna willingly had to keep the story short and give her all the details at another time. _When she finds out we're more than just friends, of course. _

"Mmm," she eyed the ceiling with a smile, "I guess that's a good starter. We met when I was… I think, a wee sophomore in college. You were in the nearby Starbucks. I kinda didn't have enough money so you were kind enough to help me pay when you saw me arguing with the barista."

"Was I… a designer at the time?"

"You were just starting, actually. You didn't have your own office - I guess you were still buying coffee and retrieving papers," she answered nonchalantly. If memories served, the only time Elsa had ever gotten coffee to others was when she was being tested as an intern. She remembered being told she was never challenged… so she decided to challenge the CEO of the company she was under. Only then, Elsa had earned a name for simply being the most stubborn person in there.

Anna chuckled to herself. "But you were _and_ are smart. You earned a name for yourself rather quickly. I guess you can say you're more stubborn than I'd ever been."

"Mm, that seemed true."

"It _is _true."

"So what then? Did I have many friends?" Elsa questioned. "Did I…" The remaining words trailed off in silence.

Nonetheless, Anna answered the first question with ease. "You had friends. A lot of them. You were very popular… and once you managed to get your own office, you had your very own following. People did what you asked because you were good at what you did. You treated your… 'subordinates' fairly and with kindness. Nobody could beat that."

"I see."

Anna tilted her head in curiosity. The fallen expression was quick to show, and even now, Anna had no idea what the blonde was currently thinking. "What's the matter?" She placed an assuring hand on Elsa's knee.

Suddenly, all Anna got as a response was a tired sigh. "Did I ever have a relationship?"

She froze. She completely froze. She could have expected this, and oddly, she didn't even think of it. The only thing she wanted to say was yes because she knew that was the correct answer. But was it something Elsa wanted to hear? By the looks of it, with those blue eyes gazing at her as if… admitting that she didn't want to hear it, Elsa definitely dreaded that correct answer. And with each word from the question resonating in her head in repetition... well, Anna surely felt a heavy heart toling her down.

The hand on Elsa's leg slowly escaped from the touch, bringing it to herself. And finally, in avoidance, Anna looked away. "No," she answered. "Not that you've ever spoken of it anyway. Is that what's bothering you?"

Elsa nodded, this time breathing out in relief. "I only asked because… I wouldn't know how I'd feel."

"Well… what if you do have someone you love? How would you react now?" Really, it was a question she needed answers from this time around.

Simply, Elsa shook her head. "I… the only thing I'd wish for is for them to break up with me. I mean, look at me. The person they knew… couldn't have been the same person. Would they still love that person? Love me?"

Anna's face was completely stoic. "Nobody would be that shallow to give up on you."

"But I would," was her reply. "How could they be happy… taking care of someone that used to love them, and they don't anymore? How much would that have hurt? Do you know?"

_It hurts. It hurts a lot. _But Anna didn't answer, pursing her lips to prevent the only words she wanted to say from spewing out.

"_If_ I did have a relationship in a state like this, I would want my significant other to part ways with me. They could love someone who wouldn't be a burden to them." Like Elsa was talking directly about her, those blue eyes stared intensely into Anna's.

"I see," the redhead responded, no matter how reluctant she was to say it. With a heavy heart, Anna managed to twist her lips in a smile - wishing it wouldn't look as fake as it had felt. "You've always been the most considerate person. I'm glad that's still in you."

The blonde had her fingers wringing together, her eyebrows crossing with worry. For the two years that Anna had been loving her, every little body language that Elsa would make would always give a hint of how she was currently feeling. This time, she recognized the anxiousness in her eyes… and it was rare that Elsa would feel this stressed out.

Normally, Elsa took things into consideration. Normally, she would be relaxed and controlled, and the only time anxiousness filled her soul was always because of Anna. Sure enough, this time around, that stressed feeling wasn't for Anna.

The moment the blonde had looked away, Anna scooted closer to her. She tilted her body in an attempt to get into Elsa's sight, but the more she did, the harder it was to stay sitting on the couch.

The thing was, even if Elsa ever were to avoid looking at Anna, the redhead was never known to give up. But deciding to hand over some slack, Anna gave themselves a bit of space. Constantly, she had to remind herself they were not like how they were supposed to be anymore, but the thought of it always made her stomach churn.

She tapped Elsa's shoulder, at last, with wariness. "Hey. What did you want to say before?"

The blonde was in contemplation, shown in the blankness of her eyes. "Anna…" her head tilted down, almost out of shame or… disappointment, and Anna had lost her reassuring smile from the sight of it, "I… kept a secret about myself for a while. It was something I… didn't want to admit until I finally came to understood what it was when I was, maybe, fifteen." She paused. "Do you know what that is?"

Curious, not necessarily confused, Anna shook her head.

"Anna… I'm gay."

The redhead froze. Completely. That's right… Elsa never did come out at an age like this. She never once had a girlfriend… but Elsa would always mention the little crushes she would have in high school. For someone like her, as beautiful as her, Anna wouldn't have believed it in the first place. She'd believe it if others would have major crushes on her girlfriend instead.

But the thought never occurred to Anna that now… Elsa really was this seventeen-year-old girl, waiting for a chance to come out of the closet to someone. Anyone. Anyone she'd trust. And now as a twenty-five year old, Elsa was coming out to her as if it had never happened before. Anna was still debating whether she should feel proud or devastated, but then again… neutrality was her best bet.

She smiled, as genuine as it could be. Her hand, while hesitant for a moment, dropped to Elsa's shoulder. "Good job. I'm proud of you."

Elsa, as expected, didn't react. "Did you already know?"

The redhead nodded.

"Did Mother and Father know?"

Again, in the tense silence, Anna agreed once more.

"When did I tell them?"

Anna was waiting for that question. "It was… Pride's Day. You came out when you were twenty-one. I wasn't there… I haven't even met you yet, but you told me many stories, and that one was included. Don't worry, your parents accepted who you are. A lot of people did."

She nodded, and though, her smile was small… it was also filled with relief as she gazed down at her lap. "I just always dreaded telling people. I never had girlfriends. I never reacted to girls physically, but in high school, I was -"

"'I was experimenting all the things that I thought I shouldn't be experimenting, and as it turns out, I'm gay'," Anna finished. She had heard that… as many times as she could count, and seeing Elsa's shocked face slowly soften, all Anna could give back was a clumsy smile for the blonde. Softly, she ran her fingers through the blonde's hair like a mother cat to her kitten. "You're never going to ever let that line go, are you?" she asked… but it was more of a question to the girlfriend she once had.

Elsa giggled - oh, and it was a giggle that Anna didn't even think Elsa would even make - shaking her head. "Well… now that you said that, I guess not."

For a moment, a pause drenched the air, and the only sound in the background, as annoying as it was, was due to a car commercial on the TV. Their eyes met with warmth at each other, but there was something so unfamiliar about the way the blonde had gazed at her. Surely, Anna was completely reminded of the days that they had just fallen in love with each other - and although, Anna had always wanted to experience that again, she realized how increasingly hard it was to see how innocent and pure Elsa was.

Of course, even now, Elsa was similar to the woman that had loved and taken care of her, but Anna just couldn't put a finger on what's so different now. Still… this was Elsa. This was the woman staring at her with no ill will… and Anna still selfishly wanted it.

The redhead pursed a smile, pink dressing across her cheeks with ecstasy. "And now that you know that a lot of people support you, are you still scared?"

Elsa chuckled, arching a brow. "I think I'd be more worried about how I'd interact with others and how they see me now that I've lost all these memories."

"Whoa, such a nonchalant manner of saying stuff like that."

"If you can't joke about it, how else can you live with it?" was Elsa's snarky reply. Thank goodness, Anna always loved Elsa's wit and comedic replies. Although, this wasn't much to garter a laughter - and Elsa knew - Anna shook her head in amusement. "Anna… thank you."

"For what?"

The blonde shifted her attention to her lap. "For taking care of me. I know we're just… roommates, but even for the short while that I have known you, I already consider you as my greatest friend."

Anna wasn't happy about that. But rather than showing how unhappy she was, she merely took Elsa's hand in her own. "Hey… I can't allow you to go on and suffer like that by yourself. I wouldn't be able to bear standing on the side and watch you."

While Elsa wasn't looking at her, she sensed the woman smile with the way her cheeks lifted and blushed. "Your parents must be proud of having a daughter like you."

Almost automatically, Anna tensed. Her heart screeched to a stop, and while all she wished for was to agree… no words would escape from her lips. Simply, looking away, shadows painted below her eyes, Anna nodded. Only then, she had caught Elsa's attention.

"Anna?"

Silence.

"Anna… did I say something wrong?"

Stillness. _Say something. Anything. _But a series of trembling only replied, and in actuality, Anna wasn't sure how she even reply to that. Feeling Elsa's worried gaze all up on her - as adorable as it was to see her tilt her head - Anna only managed a tight smile, shaking her head. "No, you didn't say anything wrong. You're right, my parents would be proud of me."

"Then… why do you look so somber?"

"Do I?" She bit her lip. "Oh, well, it's just I miss them. They're on a vacation now, so… I mean, anyone would miss their parents right?"  
Hesitantly, Elsa nodded. "Yes… I suppose so."

"Now, come on, do you want to take a shower? Look around in your office?" She got up, her fingers falling to Elsa's wrist. "I'm sure there are things that you already have that you really enjoy having."

"Such as?"

"Books. A lot of books. And… well, paintings, as well. I stashed them away so they don't get destroyed," she watched as Elsa grabbed her crutches and placed them under her arms, "I mean, seriously, you paint really well. And, oh, sometimes you also have a few collections of building models that you made for reference. You always yelled at me whenever I even lay a single finger on them. You're really not a woman I'd like to mess around with most of the time..."

Carefully helping Elsa up, she continued on as they entered through the halls, proud of Elsa's attentive ears listening to her… and for once, after a while, Anna felt as if she could let everything go… and cherish what she still had left.


	6. Chapter 6: Canvas

Chapter 6: Canvas

* * *

"_I'll take her coffee. Would you like a muffin as well?" _

_It should have been so easy to say something - anything - to disregard the woman's offer. It would have been so easy to just continue on her own way, having to be turned down by the cashier after several moments of cussing and arguing - finally, managing to even insult the worker. Her poor - literally - mind ultimately went from fusing with anger to gaping at the blonde standing beside her, hand on the counter, another hand placed on her hip. _

_Finally, she had a moment to collect herself, recognizing the full of beauty and grace that was this woman admiring her in confidence. Something Anna would never have described herself. At all. And there, that beauty and grace was, offering to pay for her lunch like they knew each other for years. _

_Oh, but… of course, nothing was ever easy - especially due to the way Anna was at the moment. _

_Her hands began to tingle - perhaps through the sheer will of wanting to punch that cashier… or perhaps something a bit more sinister than that - her breathing beginning to grow heavy, her concentration becoming lacking. Though, it wasn't something she couldn't handle. It could be easily fixed with a small dose of relief in just a moment. _

_She gulped, grasping her own arm with her fingers, attention averted away. Concentrating on one thing was hard enough, and when this beautiful woman was staring right at her… "No thanks." _

_The blonde's eyebrow arched in reaction to the two words. Though, while saying nothing, a heavy sigh became her only response. She turned to the cashier with her debit card between her fingers. "I'll grab her iced coffee, a blueberry muffin… right, and I'll take mine black. Hot." _

_Surely, the cashier must have been completely dumbfounded by the whole situation, and so must be the dozen people lounging about in the cafe. This Starbucks wasn't usually this quiet, after all. _

_Speechlessness had completely caught Anna's throat, and she wasn't sure if she was willing to stay standing here like an idiot with this girl any longer. Sure, she had beauty and grace, but things like that could be so deceiving… especially when Anna could be the most paranoid person living on earth sometimes. _

_In the background, the only noise traveling around were the buttons clicking and receipts pulling from the cashier booth. "That's your total, ma'am." _

"_Thank you very much." She took her card and receipt, at the same time, nodding to Anna towards the pick-up area. "Why don't you grab our stuff? I'll be sitting by the window." _

_In complete quietness, Anna looked over the tall woman's shoulder. By the window, as she had said, was a desk with a laptop and a binder being its occupant for now. Truth be told, she didn't want to sit with her. She didn't even want to talk with her. How could she? With dark rings all under her eyes, her skin as pale as a ghost, her body as frail as a tree branch… well, nobody would even want to approach her. And she didn't want to approach anyone else as well._

_Unless she's approaching me because she knows what this is… _

_Anna didn't feel even the slightest need to answer her, which prompted the woman having to walk back to her desk. What could she do? Her only excuse, if she agreed, was that she would love to have someone to vent how she felt. Only, she just had to find that courage to do so. _

_If Anna couldn't even meet a single appointment to a therapist, how was she expected to say anything that came to her mind to a stranger? But she had decided, what more did she have to lose? What would be so bad about talking with another woman, close to her age? She had lost so much… gained so little, but if this was ever going to do here any good, then… _

_After waiting for the two coffees and muffin to come, she slowly approached the woman - only stopping just across her desk, simply to gawk at her tapping away on her laptop. If she could describe what that woman looked like right now, Anna would have easily said she was… an angel? She was never good at sentimentality, but that woman looked the sort. _

_She cleared her throat. Blue eyes quickly raised up with curiosity, fingers stopped tapping, and the woman smiled attentively. "Go on, sit." _

_Anna shook her head, letting the woman take the objects from her hands and placed them on the table. "I… I should go," her little voice responded. Her eyes - unbeknownst to her - flickered away. _

_Still, even from staring at her own, she could sense the blonde's soft gaze. _

_"Come now, I bought you a coffee and a muffin. The least you could do is have a talk with me. Besides, I need an excuse to take a bit of break from work." _

_She was right. Anna didn't need to feel obligated to sit with her, but at least, right now she knew she needed to have a little bit of courtesy and face people. With wary eyes, she glanced at the girl and slowly sat across from where she was standing. The satisfaction shown on the woman's face as she mirrored the action allowed Anna to relax a bit. _

_Silence, though, took over a good portion of their time together. It was a little awkward, as it turned out. Even a little more awkward when she realized how much the blonde had been staring at her, coffee in hand, but still untouched by her lips. _

_"W-What?" Anna stuttered, unsure and self-conscious. _

_In response was a curious hum before the woman took a sip of her own beverage, taking a seat. Her eyes wandered at their surroundings to admire. Her lips pursed in thought before pressing into an entertained smile. "I should come here more often. I didn't know this Starbucks could cause a ruckus at times." _

_Anna didn't intend for that to happen. She never thought someone would provide her some kind of help, no matter how small. The shame she felt had been ignited even more, drowning the gratefulness she had. Her cheeks flared with embarrassment, but the substance she had been taking didn't allow any color to come to life. Not a lot at least. _

_Anxiously, she began jerking her leg up and down in repetition. Her heart beat like a snare drum, loud enough to drown the sound of her words ready to come out. "S-Sorry. I… Thank you. I-I was just…" _

_"Needed coffee, and you didn't have enough money. I know." _

_"Y-Yeah." Was this small talk? Anna wasn't sure if she was too interested in entertaining these kinds of small talks, and like the introvert - she had become - Anna had her lips sealed tight. Something so small as to say a simple 'yeah' was giving her anxiety. Or, if anything, she could be feeling a bit delirious - _

_"My name's Elsa." _

_Elsa. Elsa? Someone was giving her their name this fast? This easily? Oh, Elsa must have trusted people quite a bit, if that was the case. Though, Anna was able to hear something in Elsa's voice - something so sweet, but mature - that was slowly breaking Anna's flimsy walls down._

_Her eyes had quickly averted to the hand reaching for her own to shake. Only, as if unknowingly, Anna took that hand and shook it. It was a short gesture, but it was a welcoming one… and a very pleasant one when she felt chills riding down her spine at the touch of Elsa's cool skin. "I-I'm Anna." _

_"Anna, I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little too forward," was Elsa's apologetic response. _

_Anna shook her head, taking her hand back. She was never really timid. She was just… weak. For the entirety of their time together, Anna hadn't once taken a detailed look at the woman - merely, mostly staring at her own lap. It took courage to look at someone - anyone - because deep down she felt shame in knowing the fact that her whole face and body showed signs of her addiction. Eyes would crawl all over her, taunting whispers would shame her, so all she could ever do was put her head down. _

_"Anna," Elsa started, clasping her thin fingers in a hold, "I recognize you. Do you come here often?" _

_Anna stayed quiet. _

_"How old are you?" _

_"Nineteen… turning twenty in two weeks." _

_"I know there's a university close by. Is that where you go to school?" _

_Anna twitched, eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance. "Yes," she answered, still. Self-control was never Anna's strongest suit. _

_"Really?" Elsa's pitched voice sounded of surprise. "You know I used to go there. But I'm now in business school and I have an internship in an interior design company, Weselton Corp. I don't know if you've heard of it, but… it's a small company." _

_The silence continued resumed like a disease. _

_"Anna," she sighed, eyeing the table, "back in college, back when I was barely twenty-one, I used to help people. I used to help people come to terms with their sexuality. I prevented suicides. Hurt. I comforted people. Counseling… well, I wouldn't call it counseling. It was never my specialty, but talking - while I never liked talking - I was also very good at." _

_At that, Anna merely tensed and picked her head up. She wasn't sure if she was still here just out of pure interests, needing help, or if this Elsa girl had gone a little coo-coo in the head. Counseling? Anna didn't need to seek for counseling, didn't need any help, so how __dare __that stranger implied that she needed the help? _

_Still, as much as Anna wanted to stand right up and away, she sat where she was like a child on a leash, and listened. She had always kept one saying in mind, and all she would ever do was at least keep an open mind before deciding what she wanted to do, no matter how desperately she wanted to ever say 'yes' or 'no'. In a situation like this, she desperately wanted to pound at the 'no' button so that Elsa wouldn't be able to get too personal. _

_Hearing only impeding silence respond to Anna, the girl bit her lip in serious contemplation. "I… w-what are you implying?" _

_Elsa's gentle smile was completely glued to her thin face. "I'm not implying anything. My intention? Well… it's yours to decide what my intentions are. I simply wanted to talk." _

_"I have a girlfriend." _

_Promptly, Elsa's blue eyes drenched in sternness. "Do you want to talk about it -" _

_"Look, I-I don't know you or… w-what the hell you want from me, but t-this… this is all very personal and you're i-invading my -" _

_"I don't want to invade your privacy. In all honesty…" Elsa continued. "Seeing you around, and after that fiasco with the cashier… I thought we could be friends, no?" _

_"... Friends?" _

_"Unless… you don't want to?" She tilted her head. "It's quite okay if you don't want to. I thought you needed someone to talk to - and I thought wrong. I apologize." _

_The way Elsa's expression drop, looking almost like a sad little puppy, not only made Anna feel guilty, but she was almost completely rid of any suspicion. And quite frankly, while Anna wasn't the best at sentimentality or trying to comfort anyone, but did she even have a choice? A woman, tall and beautiful, paid for her food and even entertained her for a bit even if it was unneeded. What did she get in return? Anna yelling at her in refusal, that's what. _

_Huffing a silent breath, as awkward as it was for Anna, she scratched the back of her neck. She immediately became aware of how much her legs were bobbing up and down on the ground and stopped. For the longest time, she hadn't even figured out the fact that her heart was anxiously drumming against her ribs. Sure, a small conversation between two people wasn't that special, but Anna hadn't really had a conversation with a stranger who was seemingly so eager to be her friend. _

_"I'm… sorry," she uttered in reply. _

_Elsa shook her head. "No, it's… I thought wrong. I'm the one who should be sorry." _

_"N-No, I… I just…" __Calm down. __"I've had a bit of trouble… that's why. I didn't want to interact with a lot of people. I'm sorry if… I gave you the wrong impression." _

_"Oh, well, I would just say you gave me a __different_ _kind of impression. I didn't think you were this timid." _

_"I'm not," she retorted. "Or… I don't think I am." _

_Diamond-looking eyes traveled to Anna's hands, and although, Anna was fully aware of how Elsa was looking at her - in such distance and worry - the redhead barely reacted. _

_"Are you troubled, Anna?" was Elsa's question. _

_Oh, how could she even begin? If Anna refused to answer, Elsa was never going to let it go. These questions that woman was asking her couldn't have appeared out of nowhere, and Anna was fully aware that she was showing signs of her own addiction. What could she do? Stop? No, it was near impossible. _

_In deep thinking, and hopefully, with a start of a peaceful state of mind, Anna sighed. Her pounding heart had grown quiet, only to begin weighing like the world depended on her. Her throat ran dry, unspoken words soaking up every little bit of moisture in there, and it was almost like they were all just pleading to come out. _

_She witnessed Elsa tilting her head, her face much more serious, but still, this wasn't at all comforting to Anna. Knitting her fingers together tightly, Anna wondered if what her heart wanted was really true - that she didn't need any help. _

_In any case… how could she say anything without feeling embarrassment or shame? With that in mind, she shook her head. "No… nothing's wrong." _

_"Hm," was a reply next, "well, I'm not the type to pry something out of someone. I'm not a detective. But I can be a friend." _

_"Right." Anna took a sip of her coffee. "Thank you… for paying for my coffee." _

_Elsa chortled, palm propped against her chin, and she turned to daze towards the window. The people on the streets surely were having a busy day, but in the end, it was a warm and a lovely spring afternoon. "I help people as often as I can. You did amuse me though." _

_Anna couldn't help but pull out a smile. "I… don't often do that to people. Only when I have to." _

_"And caught me by surprise as well. A pleasant surprise. Every day… it's always the same old, but seeing something like that - you being feisty - can quickly make a day better." _

_That smile turned into a fitting giggle, and it was almost like Anna had lost all the sensations and side-effects of the drugs she had ingested just yesterday. Still, the moment she realized she was giggling - oh, the horror of it - she promptly stopped. Her smile didn't lose attraction though, and Anna continued to wear it well. "Yeah, I… I guess, I am… that kind of person. I think." _

_"Well, you should know it, yourself." Elsa mirrored her expression back, twinkling eyes lowering to Anna's hands once more. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but whatever it is that's making you tremble like that… and I know I'm just a nobody, I just want to say this: it gets better." _

_Feeling more self-conscious now, Anna simply tried to hide her shock by looking away like a child. And she was a child - trying to numb herself with whatever that would work whenever she could because her parents' passing was __such_ _a valid reason to do so. But if she was expected to act like an adult and try to get over something that she knew she couldn't - not as fast as anyone else anyway - she had headed to the wrong path. And while nobody cared for her… this stranger was - as if Elsa could see through all her acts in just a few glances between them. _

_Embarrassment and shame shifted to acceptance after a while, and Anna nodded in reluctance to show appreciation. "Thank you," was her response, as softly-spoken as it was. _

_Elsa shook her head. "It's the right thing to do. Are you in a hurry to leave?" _

_She swore she saw a slight disappointment in Elsa's gleaming eyes, and while Anna wanted to stay a little longer, she had people to meet. Things to do. Things… she knew she shouldn't be doing. _

_Slowly, she stood up with her coffee in hand. "Yeah." _

_"Here, take the muffin too." _

_"I'll take half -" _

_"No. Please, take it. You should eat a bit." Elsa handed it to her. "Also… here," she reached into her pocket to pull out her wallet… only to give Anna two twenty dollar bills. _

_"Elsa, you don't have to -" _

_"It's alright. Take it. I help people, remember?" _

_How could Anna refuse when she was staring right at the satisfaction and relief in Elsa's face? The fact was… she realized just having to have someone here that needed help and learning that Elsa could provide it could give the blonde such a rush. And while Anna knew she shouldn't care so much about how people think, she couldn't just destroy what was in front of her by a single 'no'. _

_Slowly taking both objects in hand, she pursed her lips together in consideration. "Will you… be here tomorrow?" _

_Elsa responded with a curious tilt of her head. "Why?" _

_"I…" __What? What the hell do you want to do, Anna? _"_I… want to be your friend. I want to talk." _

_And while the silence between them drew, while all Elsa was doing was staring at her in surprise, Anna could see the waves upon waves of relief and happiness gleamed on Elsa's preciously snowy skin. _

_"Of course, I'll be here tomorrow." _

* * *

If there was a feeling to describe how complex Anna was feeling, she'd gladly take the word for it. A series of guilt, happiness, relief, and great sorrow swooped her off her feet, and never before had Anna ever decided that she didn't have to decide which emotion was the most dominant. Altogether, it seemed like they had mixed themselves well within Anna in just a short while. However, she knew she shouldn't be feeling so complicated. What more could she want?

Standing against the wall of Elsa's office, her eyes followed all the motions and movements of the older woman's awkward shuffling of her feet and the fingers that dusted every part of the surface of the room in awe. Well, perhaps, it wasn't awe that Anna was seeing, but it was pure joy. Pure joy… that Anna had never seen glistening in Elsa's eyes.

She observed how Elsa carefully walked to her wooden desk, her fingers running to just feel the plane of it until she had just managed to stand right behind her leather chair. The sight of it was so familiar - her girlfriend standing or sitting there in all her glory as she did her best work. Except… that girlfriend wasn't there anymore, and Anna continued to mourn about it.

"So? How is it?" Anna first started. It was hard to hide the heartbreak in her own voice and eyes, but this was the very best she could do. At least, as a distraction, she was able to ask about Elsa's interest in everything.

Elsa's smile, while looking as beautiful as always, felt the most foreign. In silence, her eyes wandered once more, looking around at all the bookshelves stacked against the wall - one with just purely books, another filled with binders and paperwork, and another smaller shelf served as a collection of small building sculptures. "I couldn't imagine what I had done... It's… all so surreal."

"Yeah?" Anna strolled towards one of the shelves and pulled out a textbook. "You should probably read a bit if you're interested. I mean, you also written on these books so… you'll get to see your notes."

"May I?" She stretched her hand.

"Here." In response, Anna handed her a lighter book - a few years old - titled, '_Interior Designs for Dummies'. _

While watching Elsa flip through the pages, all Anna could ever see was the concentration on her face that Elsa used to have. Once upon a time, every time Anna would come to her office, those same eyes would be glaring at binders, books, or even her computer without distraction - and it was always Anna that had to break that distraction how ever she could. How ever she wanted.

She wasn't used to seeing the confusion on Elsa's face. She wasn't used to seeing Elsa look at something with such… interest. Almost like she had just started interior designing. Like Elsa had just found out what she wanted to do. Oddly enough, though, it _hurt._

Anna placed a hand against her chest, pursing her lips in a tight line because she just didn't want to be seen crying by the only woman that should have been loving her. Proposing to her. Talking about their future together… talking about the family they would have.

Pages continued to flip, and through a certain one, Elsa started to laugh. _Does she always laugh like that?_

"What's so funny?" Anna questioned.

Promptly, Elsa flipped the book page towards Anna. "Do you see this?"

Curious, Anna tilted her head. There was nothing but scribbles of notes and printed words on it she just couldn't quite understand. "It's just… notes. Neat notes."

"Exactly. I guess I didn't change so much. I write very vigorously. Well, wrote, I suppose. So many notes… different highlights, many of the words completely incomprehensible because I was in such a rush to get things done. Though," Elsa flipped the book back to herself, "it does seem like I've changed my habit and finally decided to take my time on things."

Anna's face could hardly fall any more than it had. "I never knew."

The woman shook her head. "It's the little things. You wouldn't know - only I would."

As harsh as it had sounded, Anna knew that was right. She had only know Elsa for two years, and nearly two years and a half, what could she have known about the little habits of someone who had just started doing interior designing? All she knew was the concentration that Elsa would have, the satisfied smile when she had gotten something done, the quietness… the peacefulness…

She never really knew who Elsa was before the two years that they had been together. Sure, Elsa would have been the same person as a twenty-one-year-old or a twenty-two-year-old compared to the person she knew before at an older age, but a teenager? A mind of a seventeen-year-old teenager in a twenty-five-year-old woman's body? Anything could happen. Anything could be different, and Anna thoroughly despised it.

But if she ever loved Elsa, she would learn to love it, no matter how different everything had come to be. Right now… she just couldn't.

Of course, she shouldn't be thinking so negatively. Elsa was learning about herself… and that was great, because then, eventually, Elsa would be back to her _old self_ again.

Sighing, she smiled, dropping her hand on Elsa's. "Do you want to see your paintings?"

Immediately, Elsa's eyes widened. "Paintings… I… I was not too great at it, I wasn't terrible either but -"

"Come on, I'll show you," she walked towards one of the closets in the room and dragged out the heaviest cardboard box, "I think you've improved a lot. You always do it in your free time right?"

From behind, she heard the little taps of the crutches meeting the floor getting closer. "Yes. Have I commissioned many?"

"Well, some you have," she grunted, and with one last pull, she had gotten every big and small canvas out - some even framed. "A lot of them were worth hundreds. Thousands, even."

"Many bought them?"

"Donated. Charity of your choosing," Anna huffed. "Be my guest -" _Oh shit._ The girl immediately started tensing when she realized there was one piece in there, framed in black and glass, stood out to her. Luckily, the piece was leaning right behind all of the rest, but Anna definitely recognized the colorful auburn… of her own hair… peeking out from the painting. "W-Wait!"

Flushed - and even trying her best not to show her shame and embarrassment - Anna stood right in front of the box.

Naturally, Elsa was looking at her with wide eyes. "What's wrong? Am I not allowed to look?"

She swallowed. "Uh… you will. Just… c-can you close your eyes just for ten seconds. Just ten."

"Why?"

_Damn it. _"I got something in there myself that… you don't want to see."

Elsa was hauntingly quiet for a moment until a small nod responded to her. Suspicion turned into acceptance, and there Elsa was, smiling at her. "Do you have something to hide?"

The girl quickly avoided her amused gaze, but as if that was going to help her answer Elsa's question. "U-Uh… a-a little?"

"What is it?" She squinted. "Is it porn?"

_Oh my god. _Trying to back up, Anna nearly tripped over the heavy box. "J-Just, uh, just close your eyes, Elsa."

Anna was barely able to avoid eye contact with her. If anything, this was one of those moments where Anna wasn't that glad to know that Elsa still had a busy body feature to her.

After a long dreaded silence, Elsa finally did what was asked of her with a sigh. "You don't really have to be so stingy about it - it's just porn. Everybody watches that."

_Yeah, right. _She took the opportunity to quickly pull the painting out, run to her bedroom, and hide the damn thing in her own closet. And perhaps, it wasn't the greatest place to hide it, but it was a place that was kept away from Elsa's sight. Anna didn't even have to even look at it to know what kind of painting it was… and how Elsa just loved to paint her girlfriend once upon a time.

Huffing, she came back to the office to see Elsa still had her eyes closed in the middle of the room. "You can open your eyes now."

"You're not going to tell me what you had there right?"

"Nope."

"Stingy."

Anna rolled her eyes. "Get over it." She wasn't sure what she expected when Elsa did open her eyes and began rummaging through the paintings with care. And luckily, the embarrassed flush shown on Anna's cheeks was nearly gone, and could easily have been mistaken for just the heat of the room. While Elsa was casually looking through her own art pieces, there was a reminder… just a small reminder to herself that Anna had to teach her all the things that she knew about Elsa once upon a time.

Of course, all Anna could see right in front of her, wasn't that girlfriend she had once known, but an innocent little girl who had no idea who Anna meant to her. Those paintings… had always shown Elsa's growth as an adult, but right now, she wouldn't understand. Bundles of flowers became gardens… a single skyscraper became a city… an innocence of a person was painted nude and sensual.

Basking into space, Anna waited in patience and in thought, listening to Elsa hum and laugh in awe. Each time, Elsa had flipped a painting over, she would have something to say as an observation. Anna never knew that woman could be so talkative. "I'm glad you're liking it so far."

Elsa still busied herself, until all at once, she paused, looking at the last portrait - seemingly just a piece of paper. Her eyebrows furrowed once she had picked it up, her smiling lips melted into a frown, and her blue eyes quickly shifted to Anna in shock. "Anna, I… sketched you?"

_What? _The woman blinked in curiosity and confusion. She was never aware of another painting or a drawing of her than the one she had put away. "What are you talking about?"

Elsa quickly flipped the paper over, showing a small pencil sketch of Anna sleeping on her side in bed peacefully. Even without taking another glance, the sketch perfectly captured the freckles beautifully dotted on the paper, the emptiness of the top half of the small canvas representing the sunlight that basked onto Anna's cheeks and how it bounced off Anna's delicate hair. On the lower right-hand corner was Elsa's signature, and a word that titled 'Anna' below it.

She froze in her spot, unable to take her frantic eyes off the sketch… unable to even answer Elsa's questions because she never _knew. _Crossing her arms, Anna tightly wrapped her fingers around her elbows to prevent any distracting trembles. _Control yourself, Anna. _

"I drew you... did you know?"

Instead of shaking her head, after a short pause, all Anna did was laugh. A rather fake laugh, but she hoped Elsa wouldn't notice. "Oh, yeah, I knew," she disregarded. "You do that all the time."

"It looked like you were sleeping -"

"Pretending to," she quickly replied. "I was pretending to. You took a picture of me. Sketched me afterward."

That got Elsa to shut up, her eyes gazing back at the sketch. "I see. I didn't know I was such a big fan of drawing people." _You weren't. _"You know, it was clamped behind this painting." She pointed at the biggest one.

Oh, Anna just wished she would just stop. "Was it? I didn't know. Anyway, uh…" The redhead looked away, sniffling, tears threatening to form. It seemed like Elsa wasn't going to let go of the topic, and Anna really didn't wait it to stay that way. "Do you want to… shower? D-Do anything else? You can look around in a bit later, but… I'm a little tired from today."

"Sure." The wavering in Elsa's voice showed uncertainty, but the woman took her time to stand with the help of the crutches. "Um… Anna, if you don't mind me asking… are you acting like this because of me?"

"What?"

"You always look so… sad. But you try not to be."

Gods, she got found out so fast, Anna could have believed she had developed a migraine from it. Though, still determined to keep their relationship a secret, Anna shook her head. "Nah, it's nothing. Here," she hooked her arm around Elsa's as a guide, "I'll make you a bath, cook dinner tonight… and then maybe, I'll tell you more about the things we do together."

"You're not… lying to me, are you?"

"Of course not, silly. I'm just a bit tired, but we can do something else later if you're up for it."

"May I go to the office again? Library? I… want to learn more about my job. Or… maybe I can go back to college."

Anna chuckled, "Maybe. But library… bookstore, and then, we can discuss college. Not in the near future though."

* * *

a/n: did anything happen in this chapter? idk, yall tell me :)


	7. Chapter 7: Wine

_"We can slow dance to rock music, kiss while we do it, talk till we both turn blue," the background sang, and the only time the gentle music was silenced was the small pause that came accompanied with the ending of the song. The mood had left the two of them longing to hold each other - and their bedroom that had turned into nothing but a small studio that would be painted on the empty canvas - but Elsa was patient enough to not lust after it. _

_All was completely well and wonderful when her girlfriend's freckled skin was baked with the afternoon glow of the sun, serving as light and, for now, serving as art. _

_Wearing only a black blouse over nothing but her underwear, Elsa had been sitting in her chair behind her enormous canvas with various tubes of paint and a glass of water set by the side. A small table serving a plate of fruits and a glass of wine settled beside her as well, and with each passing second ending the day, Elsa felt like she should be enjoying this a bit more. _

_After all, the summer air was the perfect season to do all the things that Elsa wanted to do with her girlfriend, and it was especially perfect to paint a beautiful seasonal summer art. But, of course, while she wanted this for herself, she also knew she should reward her girlfriend a little something - although, she wasn't sure how much Anna would enjoy having a complete painting of her own nude body. _

_As the music settled with a new sound, Elsa curiously rolled her seat to the side for a bit, a wine glass situating in her hand. In front of her, the silky red comforter on the bed was occupied by her bared girlfriend, laying on her side, perfectly auburn hair glowing over her shoulders. The sun did wonders on emphasizing her wonderful freckles doting over her sharp shoulders and face, and merely, Elsa took the chance to admire the beauty of it. As if she had just seen it for the first time, she whistled, eyebrows raised up. _

_"What a beauty," she stated, standing finally, the rim of the wine glass placed on her lips. _

_Anna mirrored her expression, curious, and maybe just a bit offended. "Are you going to paint or is this another way of doing foreplay? It's kinda odd if it is." _

_Elsa chuckled, coming closer with her knuckles running back Anna's hair behind her ear. "Would you prefer it that way?" She pressed her finger against Anna's lips to stop another smart response. "Sorry, sweetheart, I just need you to sit up." _

_It was always fun to play around with Anna like that - especially when the girl could give such brilliant reactions. While she didn't mind seeing the rose-colored cheeks more often on Anna, there were things that she still had to accomplish - and trying to prompt Anna to flush for her could be done any time. Though, considering how beautiful and sexy Anna looked in bed right now, she half-expected this to go a bit further than just 'foreplay'. _

_Stepped back just a foot, she watched her girl take her time sitting up. She stood where she was, hand to her chin in an observant gesture. "Hm… maybe…" _

"_What, are you going to make me pose again?" Anna questions, folding her arms. "This is like the third time, Elsa. Make up your mind." _

_Anna's intuition was always surprising. Smiling in silence, she tapped her knee against the inside of Anna's. "I'm making it up, yes. Just spread your legs a little." _

_The girl in question raised her eyebrows but did as she was told. _

"_A bit more." _

_A little bit more._

"_More." Elsa forcefully pushed Anna's knees apart even further until, of course, Anna was completely exposed. _

_"Elsa." One stern word shifted Elsa's gaze from the exposed area to her girlfriend's exasperated expression with an eyebrow arched. Though, if Elsa had any shame in doing it, she would have been down on her knees to apologize, but there just wasn't a hint of that. Surely, Anna would understand. This was all in good times. _

_"Baby, you're looking good," Elsa complimented, hoping that it would, perhaps, distract Anna from getting more furious than she already was - as little as it seemed at the moment. A break of silence fell between them, and all Anna did was sigh in response. The way she worried her lower lip, the way those eyes glimmered brightly in acceptance quickly halted all of Elsa's concerns. _

_And as if the silence wanted her to continue, she watched her girlfriend lean back a little, elbows holding her weight, and those hands… those gentle hands traveled and grazed all over the freckles that spanned down to her chest. Those eyes that glistened so fondly at Elsa suddenly shifted in the darkness that was desire. Oh, the red colored on the bed went so well with it. _

_Elsa proceeded to guide Anna a bit more. "I want your hand right on your chest. Yes, right there." Unbeknownst to her, suddenly, her voice had lowered and hushed as well. "Your right hand… goes right between your legs." _

_Anna did exactly what she was told, her smirk suggestive and amused. "If you wanted to see me masturbate, you could have just asked."_

_Elsa's face softened, but it wasn't just out of love - it was just simply out of normality because even if it was something as strange as this, for the sake of art, Elsa had always dreamt of a normal relationship where they could say whatever they wanted, do whatever they wanted. _

_Still, though, if she could resist looking at the way Anna's fingers trailed down her soft navel to cup her precious flowers, she wouldn't have suggested painting a person - especially, painting Anna. She barely held down a swallow, almost had forgotten how to breathe, but she quickly remembered what they were supposed to do here. _

_Taking a sip of her wine, her observant eyes went straight to look at Anna. That sultry expression of Anna's was to die for, and Elsa almost hated the fact she would ruin it in seconds. And, of course, in mere seconds, Elsa slowly tilted her wine glass over above Anna's body… letting the crimson-colored drink dribble down her midriff. _

_Naturally, Anna gasped in shock. "ELSA -" _

_Said woman leaned forward, taking Anna's chin in her fingers and forced their eyes to meet close up. "Sorry, sweetheart. It's for the art." _

_"You're gonna regret doing that," she snarled._

_The blonde smirked, gifting Anna a rewarding peck on her lips. "I hope I do." _

_"And I hope you know you're cleaning this mess up." _

_"I know. Don't act like you wouldn't enjoy it though. Look at you pouting. Adorable." _

_Anna rolled her eyes out of playfulness. Meanwhile, after another rewarding kiss placed on Anna's neck, Elsa slowly went back to her designated place behind the canvas. With Anna already in her position, it was much easier to sketch out her outlines and the details that made that woman so incredibly beautiful. _

_Not to mention, this was Elsa's first time painting a woman - especially, a woman in nude. And if the summer wasn't the perfect opportunity to try new things, then she wouldn't know what to do. And what perfect opportunity it was, knowing that Anna had never been painted nude before - though, the idea was icky at first. The fact that they had been dating for a year had opened them to so many things… and the least they could do was try each and every one of them once. _

_For a while, listening to the radio, Elsa had been painting the shade of Anna's smooth skin on the canvas. Even something as this was a bit intimate… but all was just as lovely as the next best thing. And Elsa was absolutely satisfied. _

_"You're going to love this, Anna." _

* * *

She'd really only be lying to herself if she thought this was going to be easy. She didn't want Elsa to feel uncomfortable living in her own home, but even Anna felt uneasy because she just didn't know how she should even _act _towards Elsa. She really had to watch herself. Being too close meant Elsa would find out their relations. Being too distant would make Elsa question what she was hiding. Neither one sounded great, and the middle ground was also especially hard to find.

Standing beside Elsa felt like she was standing beside a stranger - a stranger that she needed to care for… a stranger that she needed to love. And one thing that was for sure… was the fact that trying to love Elsa the way she was was harder than she thought.

In the space that was in the bathroom, Anna leaned against the doorframe as she watched Elsa admire every little speck of details. Although it was just as bland as any other common bathrooms, Elsa was in awe. She twirled around in her space, fingers grasping her crutches. The marbling of every inch of the room shined. Maybe Elsa had never seen something like this… or, perhaps, she was still stunned by what she could do.

Anna, while she enjoyed the fact that her girlfriend had built such a beautiful space for them, almost wanted to vomit. She knew a part of her hated how naive Elsa was, as much as she had pushed her feelings down. Seeing it close up, seeing the innocence in those eyes shine like diamonds, was making Anna's chest hurt.

"Anna?"

The girl in question blinked, loosening her crossed arms to her sides. "Yeah?"

"You've been… blanking out on me quite a bit today." Her smiled drowned in concern, but the two continued to stay a foot apart from each other. "Is something wrong?"

Oh, how she wished she could just simply tell Elsa. Shaking her head in response, Anna tightened her smile. "You wanted a bath right?"

Elsa's cheeks began to form a shade of pink, going well with those blue eyes that were avoiding her. "Yes."

"What's wrong?" The silence prolonged, but after a while, Anna finally understood what that blush meant. She should have felt the same. She should have been awkwardly embarrassed as well, knowing that Elsa would need help taking her clothes off, but she wasn't. Anna knew what Elsa looked like, but that wasn't the issue here. It was Elsa that didn't know that Anna knew… which, of course, made things awkward for Anna, herself.

Scratching the back of her neck, unsure of what to say, Anna cleared her throat. "Uh… it's… it's okay. We're both girls here. But if you're certain that you don't need help -"

"I do," was Elsa's response, as softly spoken as it was. "I-I… It was always Mother… I didn't mind that it was her. I think… it's just awkward now because it's not her."

_Tell me about it. _Anna sighed, thinking in contemplation. "Do you want me to close my eyes?"

"N-No!" Elsa sighed. "That's not… I'll get over it," she seated herself on the edge of the bathtub carefully, one hand clutching on the surface, and another holding the two crutches, "I'm ready."

Still a bit uncertain to know that she really was ready, Anna took the few steps up front to Elsa, getting on her knees. Her fingers slowly - though, not necessarily shaking in nervousness as much as she thought she would - began picking at the buttons to peel her shirt apart.

And while the silence was becoming tenser than ever, without even glancing at Elsa's face, she could see those eyes staring right at the redhead. She hoped Elsa would stop staring at her the way she was, almost like there was an expectation put upon them - only, Anna hoped that that expectation wasn't that Elsa wanted to kiss her. Because that's exactly how Elsa was looking at her right now.

Gulping, keeping her eyes right on Elsa's almost exposed body, she continued to open the shirt to reveal her girlfriend's bra secured on her chest. Having been laid in bed for a month, Anna also noticed the muscles on Elsa's belly were near gone.

"You can take that off right?"

Elsa nodded, their eyes meeting. Especially now, the look of embarrassment was more prominent. The silence was almost deafening as Anna guided her girlfriend to sit up a bit so she could pull those jeans off as well. Though, a little shaky, Elsa managed to bare herself naked after a long while, immediately using her arms to cover up her chest.

Anna knew how she felt, but what could she do? She stood a safe distance from Elsa once she had gotten the bath running the tub. She tried her best not to look at her girlfriend, but it was hard not to when Elsa was just as beautiful as Anna once remembered.

"Please don't laugh at me," Elsa began, meek and ashamed.

Oh, but how could Anna ever laugh? Seeing that there were tears rested on the corner of Elsa's gentle eyes, she realized how serious the woman really was. Wide-eyed, and completely unexpecting Elsa to be this embarrassed, Anna chuckled nervously. "Why would I laugh? It's… it's okay. Look, if you're uncomfortable with me seeing you naked -" She placed her palm over her eyes as a presentation. "I won't look."

Hearing a sigh, Anna spread her fingers to peek through them. Already, Elsa had already managed to stop hugging herself almost as if through the short silence she had convinced herself that it was okay. Anna didn't blame her. Of course a teenager would be embarrassed. Of course Elsa hadn't gotten used to how beautiful her body had grown up to be, and only Anna would notice.

"Sorry… I'm just a bit insecure," was her girlfriend's response. In all the years that Anna had known her, not even once had she thought Elsa would say those words. After all, Elsa's confidence always shined into the spotlight.

"It's okay. I know how it's like." With a gulp, Anna offered Elsa a hand. "Here, let's get you in the tub. Just sit down, alright? You don't have to stand." She didn't care if she got herself wet as she decidedly wrapped her arms under Elsa's armpits and gently pulled her up to place her down over the edge of the tub. Almost immediately, water began to sprinkle over the blonde's head.

"I can wash by myself." Elsa smiled ever so tightly. There was almost a sense of relief, knowing that Elsa was able to do most tasks… but a part of her was oddly disappointed by the fact that she wouldn't be able to help Elsa wash up. Still, Anna made sure all the body wash and shampoos were near Elsa so she could reach them easily.

"Alright," Anna responded. "I'll just leave the door slightly open in case you need anything, okay?"

This should have been so easy. What was so hard about taking off her girlfriend's clothes, making sure that she was able to bathe correctly? No, that part was entirely easy, and the only hard part about this was trying to pretend that this was a common occurrence. Ah, in truth, it just wasn't a common occurrence. She just wasn't sure if she should act like she hadn't seen it all or if she should act like she had seen it all.

But now that it was over, pressing her forehead against the door as she got out, listening to the splashing of water from the other side, Anna found herself in complete relief. It never occurred to her that she would feel getting away from someone she loved would feel so refreshing. She almost hated the thought, but self-care was just as important. She simply needed a break.

Coming to the kitchen, she decided to grab herself a glass of wine. For the moment, she leaned herself against the kitchen counter, sipping on her drink with her phone in her hand. From afar, she could still hear the shower going on, but a small beep sounded through her phone.

She nearly choked, dropped her wine glass, and her phone when she noticed a familiar name calling out to her. Her heart dropped, her face turned pale, but her eyes were unmoved from the name that she hadn't seen for months: Meg.

_What…? What does she want? _Unbeknownst to Anna, she began to tremble like an earthquake as she clicked on the messages. She was at least brave enough to look at her messages - but, sometimes, there were things she couldn't bear seeing. How had she not blocked the number was beyond her, but Anna knew… there was a part of her that would always, _always_ be attracted to those kinds of people. The wrong kinds of crowds.

"I want to see you," the message showed. Her eyes were completely glued to those words, her eyes brimmed with tears, but out of what emotion? Fear? Anger? Or was it regret? Deciding to answer it right away would hurt Anna even more, and the girl knew that better than anyone else. Especially with nobody to support her now… no one to comfort her, Anna needed to grow her spine just a little more. With the courage that she had left, she struggled to shut the screen off, and she did -

Which… had followed by an immediate crash and a yelp in the bathroom.

"Elsa?!" Anna quickly ran with urgency and swung the door open. "Elsa, what -" Her tearful eyes shot wide open, seeing the blonde had sat on the floor, wet, her arm over the bathtub, her head dropped down low. Anna knew immediately what had happened… and from the looks of it, Elsa was absolutely ashamed.

"Sorry… I was just trying to get dressed," Elsa began.

"Oh, Elsa… why didn't you call for me, I could've helped you -"

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!" Her eyes flared with frustration. "I don't need... erg…" Elsa tried again once more, having a firm grip on the sink and the side of the tub. Anna merely froze on her spot, those words replaying in her head again and again, and each time, it just hurt more than the next. But she watched… all she did was watch with eyebrows squeezed together in heartbreak.

The fact that Elsa had raised her voice like that in frustration showed the seventeen-year-old in her, but Anna couldn't see that. All she saw was a complete stranger. But she stood where she was, observing the blonde trying to get up, naked and all. There were so many things that Anna could endure, but seeing the shame in the flush of Elsa's cheeks had completely broken her heart.

Oh, she knew Elsa was always a determined woman, but never would she have thought she would see this side of her determination… so desperate… so aggravating.  
But, after a while, Elsa had given up, plopping herself back down on the ground, her head dropped low, and Anna could barely see her expression with thick dripping hair hanging below Elsa's eyes.

"Elsa…" Just as Anna was about to reach for shoulder, Elsa slapped her hand away. That only made Anna widen her eyes even more, her chest feeling as if a dozen ton stone had been laid there for years.

"You don't think this is embarrassing for me…?" Elsa began, her voice soft, but cracking. "I tried being optimistic. Look at me… butt naked in front of someone who is completely capable of doing anything, unable to even stand without help… unable to undress myself without help. How stupid was I to get in a car crash?"

That's it. That was the end of the line. It didn't matter if this was Elsa now, but the fact that Anna was hearing those words coming out of her mouth infuriated her more than ever. She tried. She had tried her best to be the bigger person - to love Elsa the way she was, and she knew she would have to continue loving her, but Elsa had never been this aggressive nor self-destructive. If anyone had asked Anna what kind of girlfriend Elsa was, she wouldn't be able to answer it with her usual 'she's sarcastic, charismatic, and a little bit infuriating sometimes just to tease me'.

Clenching her fingers into small rounds, Anna felt her eyes blurred with tears. _I miss her… I miss her so much. _

"You're not stupid," Anna mumbled, her words coming out almost angry and short.

She didn't like that Elsa talked about herself that way. As much as she loved to pamper Elsa… to care for her as any girlfriend would, there were some things that should have been said. She understood Elsa was frustrated - anyone would be. But how dare she talk badly about someone - herself - that was the kindest and the smartest person here?

Still, as if Elsa had not acknowledged those words, her face was still soured. "Go ahead… stare all you want. I'm just… a crippled woman who remembered nothing about who I am and what I do."

"I don't want to stand here and stare."

And, though, those words were completely meaningless to Elsa, the blonde looked at her once more before trying again to get up. This time, Anna didn't offer to help - didn't even have the guts to when she had been yelled at like that. Still, as if this was the first of many tries, Elsa managed to stand, holding the wall and her crutches. With her other hand, she grabbed a robe from one of the hangers by the door and wore it around her shoulders.

Those bitter blue eyes didn't even take a single good look at Anna. Rather, Anna was looking at her with nothing but disappointment and hopelessness. She stayed where she was as if wanting to stay out of Elsa's way, watching as the woman opened the door. Even then, their eyes were completely disconnected from each other, and most of all, the hurt shown on Elsa's expression never faded.

"I'm… going to rest a bit. May I use the bedroom?"

Blinking, Anna responded, "y-yeah."

"Anna… I just want to be who I am without feeling like I'm weak. I _am _weak, and that's why I didn't want to ask for your help. Jokes aside, I hate being like this… and if only I hadn't been _stupid _enough to crash, you wouldn't be looking at me like that as well."

Watching Elsa leave the bathroom, her eyes ice cold, even, Anna felt as if she had lost everything. If Elsa would have said that to her back then... they would have easily broken up. But how could they? The fact that Elsa could say these things now - no matter if it was because she was hurt or not - brought Anna so much pain. Pain that she wished she could just reveal... but she couldn't. When she heard Elsa's bedroom door closing, that was the moment of freedom and peace for Anna. The moment where she could let go of this persona she was showing Elsa.

Pressing her fingers against her mouth, her eyes blurred with tears, Anna, almost as if she was just as weak as Elsa had slid down against the bathroom wall, her body curled up in a ball. In the moment of peace, everything that she had endured and thought about was let out in a single session of weeping. Weeping out of hurt. Weeping out of regret. Pain. Torture. "I miss you... God, I miss you so fucking bad..."


	8. Chapter 8: White Leopard

_Chapter 8: White Leopard_

* * *

_The morning sunshine accompanied by the chirping of birds almost felt like a painting coming alive once it seeped through the dark curtains. There was something just so serene and peaceful… having a cup of coffee by the small round table side, wearing nothing but her own pajamas that consisted of nothing but a white collar shirt and her panties, waiting for her girlfriend to wake up. At the very least, in such a blessed morning, Elsa would be the first thing she would be waking up to. Of course, with the comforter being completely hogged by her sleeping girlfriend, her bun of auburn hair draped loosely over her head, Elsa definitely was not going to allow herself to wake up such a beautiful girl in her beautiful slumber. _

_Elsa had always been one to wake up early - not just because work required her to do so, but because she had grown completely fond of the peacefulness shown on Anna's face. She couldn't ever stand waking up after her, knowing there wasn't going to be a thing she'd look forward to seeing immediately. Every day would be a blessed day if she could just see the blissfulness of Anna's face every time she awoke. _

_Sitting by the side, just doing nothing but drinking her coffee, admiring all of her freckles should just be a daily routine now. Though, while it did sound a bit creepy, Elsa wasn't going to stop admiring every little detail, every little imperfection that Anna acquired. _

_She had been doing that for a while with her current hobby being as artistic and creative as she could be. Yes, her job in the office allowed her freedom of creativity to expand, but only to a limit. It was never enough. _

_Painting and sketching during her free time was almost very laxing. And with an idea in her mind, Elsa had already sat by the side with a decently sized drawing pad secured on her lap. Curling herself up, feet propped on the edge of her chair, Elsa caught herself examining all of the details in front of her - from the simple glow of the sun bouncing on her girlfriend's auburn hair to the smallest of freckles dotted on Anna's cheeks. _

_With much practice, Elsa found herself always sketching away at whatever that had caught her eyes - and right now, with the bright sunshine coloring the bedroom, it was exactly one of those situations. Who wouldn't though? With such a beauty in front of her, how could she ever help not drawing it and making it a memory for herself, and only herself?_

_With a gentle smile on her face, Elsa began drawing the outline of her face, sketching the details of her lavishly long hair… and then shading the shadows, glows, and every little imperfect perfection. If she could just do this all day, relaxing with her drawings, watching her girlfriend do her everyday work, she'd do it in a heartbeat. After all, she had always dreamt of having a peaceful, normal life with her lover in their own little home. Right now, she was simply living that dream. _

_Anna had just recovered from all the trauma… all the things that she had done, and while Elsa knew she should at least take half the credit for it - Anna's words, of course - the journey to healing was all Anna's doing. She had never felt so proud, so in love with the determination and effort that Anna had done herself. _

_Rewards were often hard to come by, but no matter what, Elsa had always pampered her with all the things that had distracted her from Anna's own wrongdoing. She had always known how hard it was for Anna to recover from her own poison, but sometimes, the thought of her turning back into that same kid getting into the wrong crowd… scared her. _

_There were things that were better to be left unbothered, and that unwanted thought of Anna drowning was exactly one of them. There were so many things that they would do together in the future, so much love that needed to be exchanged, and Elsa wanted nothing more than to focus on that instead. Having rarely been in relationships, just the task of simply taking care and loving a girl with all her heart… well, it was a promise - and it was a promise she knew she wouldn't even be able to break if she tried. _

_Smiling longingly, she was just about half-way finishing up with the art piece. The chirping of birds acted as an alarm clock, and once Elsa had glanced up to admire her girlfriend once again in repetition, the redhead groaned, limbs stretching… yet, her eyelids still stayed shut. She preferred it that way just for another moment. _

_Still, knowing that her girlfriend was going to stir awake soon, Elsa strode towards the bed and knelt on the floor. Her hand gently swept through Anna's hair. Up close, all Elsa could admire was the way Anna pursed her lips and those dotted freckles bouncing off the dancing sunlight. And with her girlfriend still sleeping in bed, barely staying awake with her arms tucked tightly with the blanket, Elsa simply leaned into peck her forehead. _

_"Good morning, sleepyhead."_

"_Mm… gmmoh…"_

_"Well, you sound quite awake."_

_"Shweep… wih me…" was Anna's lazy response. _

"_Shh…" Her tender fingers crawled through Anna's scalp. "It's okay, honey. You can sleep more." _

"_Wih you… pwease…" She draped her arm lazily over Elsa's shoulder. _

"_In a bit, alright?" Elsa whispered, another kiss drawn on Anna's skin. Simply with that, Anna didn't bother to give another barely-coherent response. Again, that was preferred. And with that, satisfied and so very much in love, Elsa got back in her seat. She stared at her little canvas, then to her girlfriend… only to find her only reference being completely different now that Anna had moved. _

_Well, if it mattered, Elsa would have stopped sketching. But she didn't. While her memories weren't the best of the best, she'd always remember her girlfriend's features. With the tip of her pencil just barely touching her paper, she paused. She didn't need to finish this now. She didn't need to finish this any time soon. It was for her own safekeeping, almost like a small diary. Having to already given so much to Anna already - and many more would come in the future - Elsa wanted to keep this little thing to herself. _

_She realized titling an art piece could be just as difficult as drawing one, but this one? Instantly, all she ever thought about was her lover. So, on a small bottom corner, Elsa slowly wrote 'Anna' and her signature just below it. _

* * *

It scared her - truly scared her, in knowing the fact that she couldn't do anything else but wallow in her own misery. Anna had never been truly like this for a long time - couldn't ever possibly imagine being so _stuck _in life with a person that seemingly had provided nothing but mixed feelings. She understood, really. The sheer frustration of being physically disabled… the sheer will of wanting to be able again, but having to be driven and pushed back to the very start just couldn't be considered a nuisance anymore. It was a barricade, serving to keep Elsa from embracing that will.

How ironic. Or should it be considered a coincidence with both women having to experience such a similar experience of frustration? Anna couldn't be bothered by that complex thought right now. Her only will, no matter how reluctant her heart felt, served just to love Elsa as much as she could. Though, after having to be with Elsa alone in their home for the first time, having to understand how Elsa was feeling… having to care _so much _about Elsa's hurtful words, Anna found it extremely hard to love the person that Elsa had become. Or was it… the Elsa that she had been?

Still, while her thoughts were swallowed by the darkness, her body wasn't giving up on Elsa. Her long session of crying to herself, reflecting on her own thoughts in the bathroom had ended the moment the sun had set, and the evening glow had drenched the living room with its colors. Perhaps… the silence was better, and it was just better this way to stay away from each other for a while.

And throughout the hours that Anna had been by herself, she organized Elsa's room the way the blonde would have liked it, and managed to cook dinner - well, with the best of her abilities, of course. Though, while she had tried her best to push away the nagging thought of what she should say to Elsa, she knew they both wanted things to be normal. It shouldn't have been such a big deal anyway.

But Anna never considered this a small deal either because, no matter what, as far as Anna was concerned, Elsa would never make her cry like this. But how could Anna ever try to blame the girl? They barely knew each other - and, yes, as Elsa continued to process everything that had happened… Anna's only wish was for this process to go faster. Then, perhaps, Anna would be able to tell her the truth.

With food having already been cooked, Anna finally gathered the courage to walk down the hall and knock on Elsa's bedroom door. "Hey, Elsa? Dinner's ready."

After a few seconds of silence, assuming that Elsa was still taking her nap, Anna opened the door. The curtains were joined together, leaving Elsa's room in the dark. A large lump under the blanket on the bed shifted, and a small peek of Elsa's hair over the cover met with Anna's gaze. The girl wasn't sure how she should approach this. Elsa wasn't too much of a heavy sleeper, but sometimes, Elsa would be overcome with exhaustion anyway.

And Anna's excuse was that the blonde had been sleeping for four hours now. With gathered courage, Anna flipped the light switch on, earning more rustling and a groan from Elsa's bed. With a sigh, Anna did nothing more than to just approach her bedside, her hand shaking Elsa's shoulder. "Come on, Elsa. Let's eat. You're hungry."

The moment of silence was filled with dread - that perhaps… Elsa really wasn't feeling well and she needed to go to the hospital. Never would Anna have thought about such a thing, and as soon as she felt a shift of her hand from Elsa's body, she finally relaxed. Her face slowly recovered out from the blanket, blue eyes blinking tiredly on the ceiling. Unsure of what to say, unsure of what to do, all Anna managed to accomplish was gawking at her roommate like an idiot.

"Is it… dinner time?" Elsa's hoarse voice questioned.

"Yeah, do you want me to bring it to you here?"

She shook her head, managing to sit up - at least, she _knew_ she could sit up by herself. Finding that Elsa was also trying to grab her crutches standing next to the nightstand, Anna allowed her. After their little banter hours ago… Anna now knew that she shouldn't get in her way, especially with doing such mundane stuff. Learning how to walk again was hard enough, but even something as simple as trying to grab something from the distance could be just as hard. And Anna had to understand some people prefer to learn on their own - which was so like Elsa.

Of course, in a heartbeat, after trying to gather herself, Elsa finally managed to stand. The silence was just a tad bit awkward, but Elsa's tight smile towards Anna relieved a bit of… well, her worries from earlier. Finally, with the mood being less heavier than before - maybe because Elsa had just finished taking her nap, Anna confidently set herself aside to let Elsa out.

"Sorry, I usually don't cook dinner, but… I hope it suits your taste," Anna began, following Elsa from behind.

"It's okay. I cooked then?"

"Usually, yeah." She smiled, taking Elsa's elbow as she guided them towards the dining table. "And you were a fantastic cook."

Elsa managed a chuckle, sitting just the opposite side from Anna. Her eyes wandered at their simple dinner of pasta and a few side dishes. "Well, I would've thought _you _were the cook with how good this looks."

"Don't flatter me. It's just something simple," Anna stated, pouring the blonde a glass of water. In the moment that they had been together for dinner, Anna knew exactly why Elsa was staring at her. She knew exactly why those eyes glistened, almost too shameful… and as if a rock had been caught up in her throat, Anna voiced out none of her thoughts.

It was quite awkward, really - sitting together, eating dinner in silence with the background noise consisting of the cars honking down the streets and the large party noise that seemed to be going on from the floor above. She missed it - being loud with her girlfriend… talking about random things. Only, what was there to talk about now?

"I'm sorry," two words whispered out of Elsa's lips.

Picking her eyes up from her food, Anna turned her attention to the older woman. _I shouldn't be so cold-hearted… you know why she's like this. Accept it. _

Inhaling deeply, Anna pressed her lips together in a smile, her hands folded on the table. Whatever she wanted to say… well, she simply wasn't sure if she should say it anymore. Deep down, she knew the things what Elsa had said to her shouldn't be taken so seriously. But what was going to stop her from rerunning every single thought in her mind like a tape recorder, thinking that it was her previous self that had said those words? "No, you have nothing to apologize for."

"Anna -"

"You're right in the fact that you should learn how to walk by yourself. I won't help you with that anymore, as long as you ask." Her brows furrowed. "But you're wrong by saying that you're stupid. The accident was never your fault… so never, _ever _insult yourself because of something that you had no control over." It was as calmly as she could say all of this, but under the table, her legs and hands were trembling like an earthquake had taken place. She'd never know what to say in situations like this, but because it was Elsa… because it was someone with the mentality that seemed a lot less mature than her, she was able to say those words without stumbling.

She watched as Elsa continued to hold their gaze together. Unexpectedly, when Anna thought she'd see a frown, Elsa's lips lifted to a joyful smile. Longing, even. "You know… it feels like you're talking to my old self."

The redhead froze. "Does it seem like that?"

"It's like you're scolding me to not talk about myself that way… but I know what you mean. I think I was just… angry with the situation. Not with you, though, even if it seemed that way." She paused. " And I… heard you crying, as well."

_Of course she did. _Anna swiped her hand over her face, waiting for a burst of laughter or… anything while Elsa continued. All she got, as she glanced at the blonde's face again, was a worried expression. And, perhaps, it struck home way too fast because she looked exactly like how she would when there was something bothering her. Eyebrows scrunched together, developing a small valley between them, her nose wrinkling… her eyes reflecting nothing else but Anna. Anna almost hated the sight - hated the reminder. Hated that girl was just a shell of her girlfriend.

Anna quickly shook he head once she gathered herself together. "Don't worry, Elsa. It's… not a big deal -"

"I've… said those mean things. I know it's me. I just don't understand why you care so much. Why, Anna?" _Understand. Please understand. Please understand so I don't have to bear the burden of having to tell you. _

Under the table, Anna's hands gripped tightly on her knees, her jaw clenched together. She really didn't want to say it, because there weren't enough _lies _to cure both of their heartaches. There weren't enough lies to pretend that everything was okay… when in reality, Anna felt like the whole world depended on her and that one lie. Yet, she still took it upon herself to give Elsa some relief.

"I'll be the first to admit…" she finally started. "I felt like I was losing my best friend. She would never say these things. She would… never self-destruct like that."

Elsa glanced down, seemingly shamefully. Oh, it would be a dream come true if Elsa realized how much she had changed for the better these past few years. Even on the very first day that Elsa had woken up, Anna's whole being felt empty of any feeling of love and warmth… because it wasn't _her. _"I changed… that much huh?"

Sadly, there was just so much that Elsa had to learn about herself. While Anna really tried her hardest to believe that Elsa would change, she was now beginning to doubt her very strength to come back to being the person Anna knew. Still, a single belief is belief. It wasn't much, and perhaps, it wouldn't be much help, but it was better and easier of Elsa was shown who she used to be.

"Here," Anna took out her phone out of her pocket, and with a few taps on her buttons, a video started playing. She didn't need to see what was on the screen, all she wanted was to see Elsa's reaction. Her own eyes, showing nothing more than just pure emptiness and exhaustion, stayed completely on the person in question across from her.

On the screen, as Anna placed her phone in front of Elsa, was a shaky scene just when the camera was entering her office, Elsa sitting behind her desk and computer in concentration. The disregard shown on her face as Anna barged into her room, coming across towards her desk was almost… well, it was intimate.

_"And here we have Elsa Arendelle in her natural habitat," _Anna whispered, mimicking a narrator's voice. It immediately caught Elsa's attention, prompting a curious eyebrow to be raised up, yet, she still said nothing. _"Whoa, look out!" _Anna quickly took a few steps to get behind Elsa, the camera pointed completely right at her lover.

_"Anna, what are you doing?" _

_"Shh! Silence! This is her territory… and any sign of life that comes in will be in immediate danger. Anyone who speaks will be ten times more in danger! Only if she finally decides to get her ass off her desk first." _

Elsa giggled in disbelief, shaking her head as she continued to do her work, fingers tapping away on her keyboard. _"Anna, you're impossible." _

_"Oh! The white leopard speaks! Careful… we don't want to taunt her too much." _

_"This white leopard has a lot of things to do, so if this little bunny continues to stay here, she won't have a clue what's going to bite her." _

_"Oh!" _Anna gasped in pretend. _"The white leopard is threatening. What should we do, ranger? Shkk, shkk, you must get closer to the white leopard, soldier!" _

_"You and your ranger should get out of here, or else, in ten seconds -" _

_"Oh shit! Quick! We need to leave this territory before her claws and fangs come biting into us!" _The shaky camera work showed nothing other than Anna's feet scrambling for the door like it was all taken place in a horror story. In the background, other than Anna's heavy breathing, was Elsa's loud laughter sounding down the hall before her phone abruptly shut off.

Deep down, after multiple viewings back then, Anna knew exactly what happened after that scene. The camera, of course, continued to roll. Elsa had come out of the room, tackling the girl down with a hug. Kisses happened. Teasing happened. All the love and joy. Anna could barely watch Elsa's reaction right now, how could she ever show the whole scene to her?

Putting her phone back in her pocket, Anna's only question was, "so… does that take care of some of the things that you've been worried about?"

Of course, she fully expected Elsa to look completely stunned. Her mouth gaped open in shock, her eyes still glancing at the spot where the phone occupied… and her limbs were unmoved. Finally, as if ten minutes of silence had passed, Elsa scoffed at herself, her hands running through her own hair. "That's… that's _me?_" she whispered, emphasizing the last word with heartbreak.

Anna only nodded.

Gulping, Elsa finally gathered herself with another intake of breath, a smile pursed tightly on her face. While it seemed like Elsa was accepting of the fact that was completely different from the woman in the video, Anna could feel her sense of shame. If anything… they really should be sharing that shame and work things out together. But for once, after today, Anna was absolutely exhausted from everything that she didn't have the strength to feel negative or positive.

"You… miss me, don't you?" Elsa questioned, quietly. Oh, it was something that Anna wasn't sure how she should answer. Say yes, and she'd be risking the fact that Elsa would know their true relationship. Say no… and, perhaps, Elsa would be completely heartbroken. In the end, all Anna did was glance at her with pity.

Seemingly, Elsa didn't see to really care. "I always wondered what I was like. To know why you cried like that. I guess I got my answer now. I'm sorry, Anna."

"It's not your fault," was Anna's quiet answer, her arms crossed together loosely around her stomach. "You wouldn't have known. Listen…" she placed her hand on the table, expecting Elsa to hold it, which she did almost immediately, "we're gonna get through this okay? You're going to get a lot of attention from me, and I know you probably wouldn't enjoy that, but it is how it is. Soon enough, you're going to feel so much better."

"I hope I do."

"Tell you what," Anna smiled, her hand squeezing Elsa's. "For the next… week or so, you're going to go on a self-discovery trip. You're going to read your books - because I know you like reading books -" Knowingly, Elsa mirrored her same smile, almost blushing, even. " - You're going to go through your computer files to look at all your… I don't know, your designs or something. And we'll drive to the library or the book store, or whatever you need by the end of it, okay?"

The face that Elsa made, the relief shown glistening in Elsa's eyes quickly filled Anna with the joy that she knew she wouldn't have any idea how to deal with. Right now, it simply felt like she was taking care of a baby kitten, and she was just so tempted to run her fingers through Elsa's hair because there was nothing more precious than to see that girl smiling so happily. At the very least, that smile calmed all of Anna's anxiety and hurt.

"Do I get to drive my car?" Elsa questioned, having already let loose from all the tension today.

"No, you don't get to drive your car."

"Stinker."

"I know."

* * *

a/n; God, she's so cute and wonderful, but even writing this, i'm actually missing the past elsa as well ;-;


	9. Chapter 9: Rose

_Chapter 9: Rose_

* * *

_Elsa was enthusiastic. Maybe a bit too enthusiastic, and she was so much so that she didn't even notice the drastic mood change from her girlfriend when they had sat down for dinner with her parents. She knew anyone would be nervous about meeting their parents, but it seemed like Anna was especially so. She hadn't talked - not nearly as much as Elsa would often see her talk. But being the most excitable person here, Elsa only brushed it off as just a simple nervousness. _

_Evening was creeping in, and dinner was just served when they all sat together - Elsa's parents sitting by each other's side, and the girls sitting across from them. The sun was setting, so the quiet mood in the house seemed almost fitting… but for Elsa, the more silent Anna was, the more uncomfortable it seemed. Never once had Elsa seen her smile during their time with her parents. This was unacceptable, but Elsa knew her girlfriend needed more care and help than anyone else. _

_Turning, while her mother continued to speak about work, the sight of Anna's head lowered, her fork repeatedly tapping on her food, prompted Elsa to frown. She didn't say anything at first, wondering what was wrong. Curious, but mostly concerned, she placed her hand on her girlfriend's knee under the table. "Is the food not fitting for you?" Elsa whispered. _

_Almost as if an eternity had passed when Anna finally stretched out a smile for her. "No," was her reply, shaking her head, "it's perfect." _

_Still, it bothered her that Anna wasn't saying anything else other than that. The forced smile she noticed immediately fell and while Elsa knew she should at least ask what was wrong, she was interrupted by her mother. _

"_So, Anna, I've always known that our little girl would treat anyone so wonderfully, but I really hope she's not a pain to you," Idunn began timidly. "I didn't want her to take after me, but sometimes…"_

_Anna was slow to pick her head up, smiling in silence. All Elsa could do was watch. She'd seen that kind of expression before when Anna was anxious. She supposed that Anna was still recovering from her addiction, but back home, no matter how hard the days were or how hard the situation seemed, Anna would always try her best to put on a smile and tell a few jokes. Right now, just simply responding to Idunn seemed incredibly hard. _

_And being that lovely girlfriend that Elsa was, the woman responded for her, "Mother, I think I treat her fairly well. I promise." _

"_Good, you better," Agdar responded, laughing heartily. "We don't have to worry about anything else. We're old, Elsa. It's wonderful that you have such a beautiful and kind girl sitting with us to eat dinner." _

_Anna bit her lip. "Sir, you don't have to flatter me." _

"_Oh, it's just the truth. And don't call me sir. From now on, we're family. Call me Agdar. Better yet, dad -" _

"_Father!" Elsa felt her cheeks flaring with heat. Never in her life had she thought her own family would be so open about this stuff. They had always been quiet and well, a bit peculiar, but bold was never something the family acquired. Perhaps, the correct definition for them was… they acted rich. Not because they were overwhelmingly filthy rich, but it was the fact that they did kind of act like those kinds of family, except… in a more freeing, accepting way. _

_Her father and mother had always accepted her for who she was, of course. She was their smart, obedient, and talented little girl from the moment she was brought into this world, so anything that Elsa wanted as a reward, they would always give. Right now, the gift of seeing them being this accepting of her girlfriend was truly something she needed to cherish, and it was the greatest gift of all. _

_Hearing her parents laugh at her own embarrassment, Elsa finally relaxed. _

"_We're just kidding, darling. Anna, I do have a question for you though," Idunn stated. "Would you like us to meet your parents?" _

_A beat dropped. A beat that was so heavy, it felt like the air weighed a ton. It almost felt threatening when Elsa turned to see how low her girlfriend's head had dropped, that she could see nothing else but the frown of her lips. Elsa had known. She had always known from the very start when Anna had told her about the things she had experienced. The things she regretted. Of course Anna would be quiet, would darken her expression because the thought of her parents… had always prompted Anna to fear a lot of things, things that she would cherish to be gone again. The things she had lost along the way in the midst of it all. _

_Placing a hand on Anna's back, in the silence, Elsa only wanted to secure her girl in her arms - not to encourage her to talk. Because then… all Anna would think about was how much she was at fault for her parents' death. _

_Finally, while the whole family was silent, Anna had let out a sigh and forced a reluctant smile to appear. "My… parents have passed away, ma'am." _

_Idunn's eyes immediately widened, her grin falling. "Oh my God, Anna -" _

"_May I head to the bathroom please?" Anna didn't even wait for an answer, hurrying to get up and head to the second-floor bathroom. _

_Elsa didn't wait either, watching Anna's poor reaction from the beginning of the dinner worsening from just a simple question. She didn't know. She didn't know her parents would ask something like this. But how could she have known? Consumed by happiness… consumed by her own self, she thought about nothing else but to bring a girl home to make herself and her parents __proud. __She shouldn't have done that. _

_With regret weighing heavily in her heart, Elsa looked at her parents apologetically, and immediately went after her girl. And with each step climbing up the stairs, the heavier the weight on her shoulders became. Never in her life did she ever plan on making Anna feel horrible… to even make her think about something that had consumed her happiness. _

_"Anna?" she announced herself, holding onto the doorknob of the bathroom. "Anna, may I come in?" _

_All that responded back to her was a single sniffle and a quiet sob on the other end. __Fuck._ _Elsa sighed to herself, pressing her forehead against the surface of the door. She never meant for any of this, and even if she thought this wouldn't be such a big deal, she understood how hurt Anna was, how desperately Anna wanted to get away from the situation. The anxiety and depression caused by her addiction… only worsened even more, and Elsa wanted nothing else than to treat her girlfriend as treasure. But right now, she realized she was doing a horrible job at that._

_Slowly, realizing that the door wasn't locked, Elsa opened it… seeing her girlfriend curled up on the floor, her head tucked under her knees, fingers tightly gripping her own hair. Anna still continued to quietly weep, but it wasn't stopping the blonde from getting down on the floor, closing the door… and her hand fell to Anna's head. _

_"Sweetheart… oh, are you okay? Hm?" _

_Anna nodded. _

_I'm sorry. They shouldn't have asked that. I shouldn't have brought you here," Elsa whispered. "I… God, I'm so stupid to do that to you -" _

_"I know you meant well…" Anna slowly peeked her reddened eyes up, having the courage to grasp her hand. "I… I just… seeing you and your parents looking like this… being so happy… I realized that I could never have that with my Mama and Papa." _

_"Anna…" _

_"I realized how much of an ass I've been to them - that I should've treated them better before they... I was so angry with myself that I just -" _

_Enough was enough. Knowing that each word that Anna would say would continuously hurt them more, Elsa immediately hugged her girlfriend. Hushing her, with fingers caressing her hair, arms securely holding her tight, she felt Anna slowly relax into her embrace. There was a sense of security for both of them… knowing how much Anna trusted her. Knowing that Anna could rely on Elsa to comfort her. "Shh… don't say anything else. I'm sorry… I didn't consider how you feel. Now I know, beautiful. I'm so sorry." _

_"It's not your fault," Anna mumbled, her head leaning against Elsa's shoulder. _

_"I should have known anyway. I never wanted to make you feel bad. I'd be a horrible girlfriend to you." _

_At that, Anna said nothing, but the blonde knew how much she longed to have her parents back again. If there was anything that Elsa could do to help her, well, the __only __thing she could do was to support her as much as she could. Other than money, food, and security… Elsa had a lot of love that she knew Anna was too scared to take, but whenever Anna was willing… Elsa would give all her love to her. And, perhaps, right now, when all Anna needed was her arms to hold, her words to listen to - to be comforted by, that was all Elsa had to give. _

_She shut her eyes, running her hand in circles in repetition on Anna's back, lulling her girlfriend to relaxation. There was a promise… a promise to herself that she would do anything to see Anna's smile. She wasn't going to let that go now. _

_"I promise you, Anna…" she whispered. "… I'll do anything for you just to see your beautiful smile. Anything." _

* * *

She didn't understand. She didn't understand a single thing written on her dozen notebooks and textbooks. She had seen what was on her own computer, but she still had no clue what the hell she had been doing these past few years. Playing catch-up had never been so hard. Never had Elsa felt this agitated with herself, frustrated that her brain couldn't remember fuck all about her own work - work that Anna had always told Elsa that her past self was especially proud of and would often brag about. What was there to brag anymore? What was there to show off?

Alone in her very own office with boxes upon boxes of books laid out to her, she stared at the shelves of trophies and precious building models. She leaned against the wall across from it, her eyebrows pressed together, her blue pupils coated in a thick layer of pained tears. She wished she didn't need help so often - even specifically instructed Anna not to be in the office for the afternoon as she sort through her own stuff. What was the point anymore?

Consumed in her own frustration, Elsa immediately kicked a box of books over, and slid herself down onto the floor. She couldn't help it, wrapping herself in her own arms… weeping loudly like a child throwing a tantrum.

It had only been three weeks since she had come home, but those weeks felt like torture for her. She tried so hard to remember so many things, only to be left in the dark whenever Anna tried to remind her all the things that she would always do. And if Anna thought this was going to help jog her memories, she was wrong. As the weeks went by, the more she despised herself - the more she envied the woman that she used to be. But all this time… she would always blame herself for being so careless to get herself hurt and lose a part of herself.

"_Elsa?!" _Anna had immediately barged into the office, swinging the door open, her eyes widened in shock. She scanned through the messy room, but all Elsa could do was cry her misery away. All the books… all the hard work… all the rewards… all gone. "Elsa… what happened…?"

"Go away, Anna."

The redhead, despite being told that, knelt in front of Elsa. She peeked out from her knees to notice Anna had picked up one of the fallen books. The redhead didn't say anything… her teal eyes looking just as hurt, perhaps, longing for _something_. Elsa could see it all - how Anna deeply missed her… how Anna longed to see the person that Elsa used to be, and while Anna hadn't said a thing about it, the blonde knew deep down in her heart, there laid a big empty hole that needed to be filled.

Now this was something that Elsa just didn't understand. How could Anna long for someone so deeply, when they were only friends? Sure, they could be best friends - after all, they were roommates - and, perhaps, Elsa had injured her head enough that she didn't understand what it meant to have a best friend anymore.

Elsa chuckled to herself, almost coming back to the sobbing and despair. "I'm stupid… I'm so fucking stupid -"

"Hey, hey, hey…" Anna placed her hand on Elsa's elbow. The simple touch only annoyed Elsa more. She didn't want to look more handicapped than she already was. "We said we'll take this slow right? It's just books. We'll get you back to college if you want -"

"You don't know what it's like…"

"What?"

Elsa immediately smacked Anna's hand off her, ocean eyes filled with fiery… and, especially, fear. The tears that coated her eyes were drenched in pain, her reddened cheeks filled with shame. What could Anna do about that? "You have no idea what it's like to be so crippled and helpless! You haven't gotten a single clue what I've been thinking… you think you can help me?! You're only making me feel worse about myself! Every day I feel like I've been doing nothing when I know I could do so much, but I can't because I've lost all of this! ALL OF ME! You can't help me, Anna!"

She could see how stunned Anna was. How hurt she was. But the blonde didn't dare stop spewing hate at her. She didn't hate Anna, per se. She only hated how she was often treated - like a helpless animal.

In the silence after Elsa had said everything… seeing the shock on Anna's face, regret immediately had taken its place over anger. Looking away, she didn't even dare to apologize either. She wasn't sure how to. These days… her temper had been running quite short, but neither of them knew how to control it. It wasn't like Elsa wanted this - she just yearned so much to be like her past self again. The envy in her right now acted as poison, and day and night, all she could ever do was damn herself in silence because she wasn't her very own person.

But Anna was quiet, the shock in her face finally calmed. Her eyelids fluttered as they gazed down at her own lap, fingers running along the indented words of the book placed on her lap. She took a deep breath - one that Elsa was too familiar with.

"I know… I can't do much for you, Elsa," Anna stated. "I know I can't bring back the memories that you had. I know something some mundane as to reading your own stuff wouldn't jog your memories back together. These books… awards… accomplishments, I can't deny that I'm proud of the Elsa that you were. That I… miss her. I know you're hurting. I'm just glad you've said everything that you needed to say."  
"But?"

Anna smiled, shaking her head. "There's no 'but' in this situation, Elsa. Just know that if you ever think that you're alone in this, you're not," she placed her hand atop of Elsa's, her longing gaze filled with nothing more than grief and love, and that was all Elsa could see.

Perhaps, it was a fortunate thing… or maybe it really wasn't. Once upon a time, it was someone else who would say something like this, as Anna had told her, so it was only fair that Anna would return the favor. The anxiousness… the insecurity that Elsa felt made her realize how much more they needed each other, no matter how hard it was to keep each other together when all the wanted to do was to… separate.

The silence was almost overbearing until Elsa's expression softened, her own confusion and curiosity turning into… maybe it was regret that she was feeling now. It had always taken her a long time to realize Anna only wanted what's best for her. And she knew she'd never had a greater friend than the woman that was kneeling in front of her. She really didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve those nice words said to her. Didn't deserve the kindness shown to her. Didn't deserve any of that… and yet, here they were.

She gulped, breaking through the stubbornness, looking away with shame. Of course she felt shame - she was practically throwing a little kid tantrum. "Thank you," was all she ended up saying, mentally slapping herself when she couldn't say those two simple words, 'I'm sorry'.

Yet, the kindness that Anna had shown continued to flourish like a rose. "Hey, you'll always have me here, okay? You can scream and yell, but I'm at least here to listen. Right?"

"Yeah."

"Now what do you say we go clean this all up, and we can go to the library now, yeah?"

_Library. _It had been the only place she'd been looking forward to going all week, and Anna knew exactly what she wanted to cheer her up. "I'd like that."

"Alrighty then -"

"Can we take my car?" Elsa raised her hand up the moment she knew Anna would refuse. "You're driving, I meant."

Although, seemingly reluctant - obviously, Anna probably didn't want to drive it, seeing that she didn't want to wreck it - the redhead sighed, nodding. Which, even got Elsa to smile with glee. "Sure, we'll take your car. Only you're taking your crutches too okay?"

"But -"

"No 'but's. I don't wanna see you walking around and end up falling when nobody's watching."

Elsa quirked an eyebrow up. "You're… not staying in the library with me?"

Anna tapped her foot on the ground, fidgeting uncomfortably. "Elsa, I… God, I should've told you this earlier, but… I wanted to go back to school… finish my degree this summer, okay? So, I'll just be in the office, meet my counselor, and then, I'll come and fetch you. It'll be like I never even left."

Elsa wasn't really sure about that since they hadn't been able to separate from each other all this time that Elsa had been home. Still, it was reasonable… and Elsa had always wanted to explore the neighborhood alone anyway. Insecure, but not really opposing to the idea, she slowly nodded. "Alright, let's go then."

* * *

She shouldn't have been this excited to enter her own car, but she was - even if she was sitting on the passenger seat with her large crutches sitting in the backseat where she could see it staring back at her from the rear mirror. She was fascinated, really, curious with the interiors, all the buttons and mechanics. She was acting like she hadn't seen a car before - much less, her own car… which she had bought herself with her own money. In awe, she continued to look around as Anna came to the driver's side, slamming the door close. _God, it really smells like a new car here. _

"Phew, ready?" Anna asked, looking over to make sure Elsa's seatbelt was secured around her before securing her own.

Excited, but trying to keep herself calm, she nodded. "Let's go."

The engine had a nice rumble to it as Anna drove out of the parking lot and into the crowded streets.

"Have you ever driven my car before?" she questioned, looking around the familiar street. Concentrating on the road, Anna shrugged as she made a right turn to the main road. The GPS quickly signaled the direction that she needed to be headed to.

"Mm, just a bit," she answered, eyes flicking on the road and the little device. "You know, you had me learn to drive in your car when you first bought it. Obviously, I was scared shitless because it was a brand new car, right? But you were like, 'no, no, Anna, it's okay, I'll be sitting by your side'." Anna rolled her eyes. "Not that it made it any easier for me to drive around the crowded road for the first time."

"I never bought you a car?" Elsa turned, eyeing the woman curiously. "With what I was doing… I should've bought you a car."

"Why should you?" Anna raised an eyebrow, watching carefully as she made a stop to let the few cars pass before she made another turn. "Your money, you use it for yourself. I have no say in what you want to do with it… but you did offer. I just refused."

"Why?"

"I have my own car."

"Seems pretty broken down."

"Yeah, well," Anna chuckled, her face quickly falling, "it's a hand-me-down gift. A family heirloom, I suppose. From Papa."

_Papa… _Now that she had mentioned it, Anna never really talked about her parents. But noticing the way that Anna had quickly quieted down, she realized… perhaps, it was a good idea that they'd just change subjects. She wasn't sure what had happened - perhaps the fact that her family was on a vacation... or they didn't have a very good relationship with each other - but either way, Anna was definitely feeling some type of way. Gulping, Elsa turned away to look at the front.

"You should… drive me around more often," Elsa began, a little quieter this time.

Anna chuckled, nodding. "Yeah, I should. Seems like you're getting better at walking anyway, so… mm, I guess, I can take you to the beach in the next few days. The water feels amazing - Whoa!"

_HONKKK!_

Anna quickly pressed down on the brake, the car screeching to a stop as a fast-moving truck came flying pass across the street. Still, it didn't stop the two women from jerking forward for a long moment before slamming themselves back in the car seat.

Heart pounding. Breathing racing. Skin tingling. Every part of her muscles ached. Her ears rang as she felt Anna grab her shoulder… and was she calling her name? The tears in her eyes began to weep, and all Elsa could do was stare into space on her lap with widened eyes, shaking without stop… because there was something in her… something that was so familiar -

_"... your parents are always nice to me. I wonder if they would be great friends with Mama and Papa."_

_"I'm fine! Elsa, why don't you come, and play with the water with me?!"_

_"You make this sound all like a dream, Elsa…"_

_"... because I do want to marry you."_

_"... that you won't be hurt because of you would put up a brave face… for everyone. That if you ever see her, you think of me."_

"_Elsa… Elsa, please… make love to me, fuck me… I'm yours." _

Elsa…

Elsa…

_ELSA!_

The woman immediately hitched her breath, slowly turning to see the fear in Anna's eyes. She swallowed, whimpered, and almost pushed Anna away from her sudden touch, but the redhead held her hands tightly in her own to keep her secure.

"Hey, hey, hey, are you okay? I'm so sorry, Elsa… oh my God…"

_What just happened? These memories… Anna… _

The blonde blinked, slowly gathering herself as she switched her frantic gaze to her lap. They were so… fractured… so fractured that Elsa could remember nothing else than those words. Yet, she couldn't forget about them either, as much as she wanted to. She bit her lip in wonder as she completely tuned out from Anna who repeatedly asked if she was okay.

For once, Elsa made the decision to look at Anna closely in silence, her eyebrows furrowed as if she was in study mode. _Who are you…?_

"Elsa? Hey." The redhead waved her hand, snapped her fingers in front of her. "You there? I braked too hard, right? I'm sorry. Startled you, didn't it?"

Elsa reluctantly nodded. "Yeah."

"Do you wanna go back?"

With a straight face, thinking to herself, Elsa shook her head. "No… Let's go. We came all this way after all."

"Well…" she sighed, slowly up speed with the car. "Tell me if you wanna go back, alright? I just wanna make sure you're safe. Are you sure you're fine?"

At that, Elsa didn't answer, but only nodded. Once in a while she would look at Anna and then to the side of her window in repetition. For the whole way, they had kept themselves pretty quiet as well… and Elsa was certain it was because Anna thought she'd be mad. Only, she was just thinking about those words… knowing exactly who had said what… but not knowing how. She had given it a benefit of the thought, thinking that it all came from a dream… and a stupid dream, really, but what were the chances?

Elsa bumped her head against her window, shutting her eyes. _It's nothing, you fool. It's nothing. _

* * *

The last thing that Anna had said to her was to be careful and just have fun in the library. Though, while most people wouldn't actually associate 'fun' with a place like this, Elsa was definitely going to make the best of it, especially when she finally was able to do something by herself without Anna by her side. While being with Anna ensured her own safety and comfort, Elsa had always wanted to explore places by herself without her help… and, really, at least Anna understood that much.

Looking around, all she could hear were books rustling, the air conditioners blasting, people whispering in the hollow space. Shelves stacked amongst each other like dominos, filled with books that were more up to date mixed with some dusty old ones. There was just so much going on even if she knew she didn't have to be so overwhelmed.

Where was she supposed to begin? Standing in between the shelves of books and long wooden tables was making her feel like an idiot. She supposed she could just ask the information desk, but she wasn't a little kid anymore.

Sighing, she began limping away with her crutches, looking at the signs that categorized the books in their genres.

_Fiction… Non-fiction… mystery… history… where are the study books? _

Elsa sighed, continuing on her journey as she wandered around for a short while until she found a small section in the very back. Seemingly, there weren't a lot of people around the area, which meant… well, not a lot of people seemed to really wander around here. She pursed her lips together, fingers brushing on each and every book that at least had something to do with interior designs. _Maybe it's just better if I just shop on Amazon… _

It took her a few moments to find what she was looking for amongst the many other books that she had in her arms. With her hands completely full, she tried to place another large textbook in her arms, only to quickly have dropped them all on the floor. Her crutches fell from the side of the shelves to the ground upon impact.

"God damn it…" Elsa grunted, gripping onto the cabinet as she tried to bend down. She knew it was no use, but she still wanted to try her best. Eventually, the more she continued to stretch her arms down on the floor to grab her crutches, the more frustrated she was getting. The only thing stopping her, was the fact that she didn't want to fall again - especially without Anna here to help her -  
"Need a hand?" a voice called to her, a pair of hands that weren't hers taking her crutches in front of her.

The blonde blinked, looking up to see a brunette handing the crutches back, her smile as gentle as the light shined for her. "Ah…"

"Sorry, I just heard all the ruckus from back here, and I actually thought some rat came scrambling about. But it's just you," she raised her eyebrows, "didn't mean to startle you either."

If there could be anything that made Elsa freeze and blank out like that, well, that only thing would be the woman in front of her. Still, even if she didn't know who she was, Elsa could still appreciate her kindness… but most of all, _she's beautiful. _

The stranger tilted her head. "You got it?"

Which immediately snapped Elsa out of it, taking the crutches right under her armpits. "Yes… That's sweet of you."

"Don't mention it. Hm… 'Love Your Home: A Beginner's Guide to Interior Design'..." She picked the few books that had dropped on the floor in her hands and examined it. The woman chuckled, raising an eyebrow as she stood up, and while Elsa expected her to return those books to her arms, the brunette had kept it securely to herself. "You do interior designing? This wouldn't be the right floor for you - go up a floor, there are tons of these books."

Still, in complete awe, Elsa didn't answer her right away. "Oh, I see…" She realized how idiotic she was sounding right now and shook her head. "Um, sorry, I didn't say - I mean, thank you… for helping me. Second floor huh?"

"Yup. A lot of students study up there anyway. Are you new here?"

"No… yes… I don't know." Elsa demonstrated her lack of confidence by waving her crutches. "I had an accident, memories a bit all over the place." _Understatement of the year, huh? _

"Ah. Well, you know, if you have questions about these books or… in general, about interior designs, I'm open to answering."

"Are you a librarian?"  
"Volunteer." She patted the book cart that was sitting right behind her. "I was organizing some stuff, but I should have been on the second floor anyway."

"I see."

The woman hummed in contemplation for a moment, their eyes meeting… and for that exact moment, all Elsa could notice was how _brown _those eyes were. "You know I've studied a bit interior designing back in college anyway, and I thought you probably won't be going anywhere anytime soon with how many books you're going to borrow. So if you want to know more…"

_Well, she's… odd. _While Elsa wanted badly to refuse, she couldn't do it when she was staring at those brightly brown eyes. She smiled, her ears listening attentively. And, honestly, she couldn't deny the fact that she probably did need a little extra help anyway. There had to be a lot more details than she had expected that she needed to know. What was the harm?

Nodding slowly, Elsa's smile slowly crept wider. "Yes, that… that would be lovely. I'm Elsa. I didn't catch your name..."

The woman mirrored her expression and nodded. "The name is Belle. Nice to meet you, Elsa."

* * *

_a/n: DRAMA_


	10. Chapter 10: Darling

_Chapter 10: Darling_

* * *

_There wasn't a thing that Anna didn't like and want from her girlfriend, but the moment she felt soft white skin brushing against her arched back… felt the hands that she had held just hours ago now caressing her gently, twisting in her hair, the other holding her waist, felt the chest that she had leaned against hours ago pressing against her, and the lips that had smiled for her breathing down her neck… she knew exactly what she needed. _

_When the night was still, and the sky was colored in a deep blue scattered with stars, Anna dreamt of feeling her girlfriend's warmth drenched all over her. The evening had already been special because they had just come back from a beautiful dinner in a high-end restaurant and had gone to the beach to admire the stars staring down on them. _

_In bed now though, with their clothes scattered on their floor, Anna was purring with delight, purring over the kindness that was being lavished on her. Those gentle hands groomed her hair ever so lovingly, those lips whispering sweet soft nothings to her made her sink deeper into their mattress. There was a moment when Anna thought this was all a dream - and, even if it was, it was a wonderful dream - but she remembered so clearly how her girlfriend had stripped her down… each touch rewarded with hot kisses, every fabric of cloth drifting off her impatient body followed by gentle and encouraging smiles and giggles. There was something so soft about her… felt so sexy to Anna, but as soon as their bodies hit their queen-sized mattress, all Anna could feel was heat.  
Her heat. Her love. _

_Laying on her bare stomach, fingers tightly clutching her pillow, Anna whined against her arm as she felt kisses peppered around her freckled shoulders. Her eyelids fluttered shut, but when she felt lips kissing the shell of her ear, she managed to relax… and those fingers running up and down the small of her back greeted her with love._

"_Darling, are you alright?" Elsa whispered, her soft front laying against Anna's back, prompting her to open her eyes. _

_She nodded, a small smile spreading across her face. A glimpse of Elsa's worried face threatened to ruin the mood, but she wasn't going to let it happen. Immediately, boldly, Anna arched her back, her hips rolling, prompting her wetness to grind against the toy that was strapped around Elsa's hip… listening to the way her girlfriend hissed in pleasure even from the slightest touch that was pushing against her crotch. _

"_Mm…" Anna's head swam with possibilities… swam with lust… and the feeling of the head of the plastic phallus rubbing against the heat between her legs was enough to get her going. Her hand gently reached back to grab Elsa's waist, her front pushed back, her lower half lifted up in the air… and all she wanted was for Elsa to come closer to her. To drown her with pleasure. _

_She knew Elsa was careful… the most loving person who wouldn't dream of hurting Anna, but for one night… for tonight, Anna wished for all of that to be forgotten. _

_Biting her lip, she looked back to her girlfriend in desire, her loose hair, gleaming in the moonlight, draped over her shoulder. _

_"Anna…" the blonde breathed, lips pressed against her ear, and all Anna could hear was her heavy breathing… so slow, yet so deep. She could barely handle the heat… could barely handle the ache between her legs. She adored the way Elsa was gazing at her so attentively, knowing that Anna's needs were way above hers. _

_Swallowing, Anna wrapped her hand around Elsa's, guiding them to press flat against her toned stomach. "Take me…" Anna started, her lips parting just to feel Elsa's sweet, honeyed kiss. "Love me… I want you…" _

_And it was slow… so loving, feeling kisses peppering her neck… Elsa's sharp nose nudging the back of her ear, and from below, she could feel her girlfriend's hip grinding at her little by little, teasing her, not yet pushing her phallus into Anna's heated core. Oh, but it felt __good_… _so good, that Anna couldn't help but lay still, wrapping an arm around to caress her luscious blonde hair. _

_She listened to the kisses on her skin, sounding like music… she listened to the bed creak as they danced in the night, and she listened to the way their heated skin rubbed against each other. It was the only way to keep her grounded from the intense pleasure. _

_She bit her lip, moaning into her arm as she felt Elsa's hand touching her stomach, taking her waist… and the body that was pressed against her began to rock, filling her with anticipation. Anna braced herself, feeling her muscles tense… feeling Elsa's kisses trying to loosen those muscles. And Gods, Anna felt like she was on cloud nine, greedy for Elsa's care… greedy to demand everything she desired. _

_Her mouth parted in a silent moan, and her face flushed when she felt a slow push of the phallus parting her lower lips, forcing her to open… forcing her to take it all in. She clutched her pillow tighter, feeling now that Elsa wouldn't stop. _

_"Elsaaa…" she moaned against her arm, her head guided upwards when Elsa's fingers drummed around her throat and jaw, gentle lips and sweet tongue snaking up the back of her ear. The distraction left her in a puddled mess, her little whines and moans turning into gasps… and every sense was heightened before she realized Elsa had stopped pushing herself in. It felt good… She felt __full. __When was there going to be another time that Elsa would make love to her like this? She was often quite vanilla when it came to lovemaking__. So when Anna introduced her to the many ways they could make love Elsa had to venture out of her comfort zone, and it would take a bit of convincing when they had first dated. _

_Now two years into their relationship, while Elsa still loved the idea of just fingers and mouth doing all the work, her next best thing had been a strap-on… and, perhaps, a blindfold every now and then. _

_With one more kiss pecked on the shell of her ear, one last time, Elsa's fingers ran down her red strands in repetition. "Are you okay?" she asked, and even now, the care in that husked whisper prompted Anna to smile. _

"_Yeah…" the redhead shifted, draping her arms above her head, the moonlight sprinkled upon her prominent freckles, "oh, baby…" _

_Another kiss pecked on her shoulder. "I'm going to start moving, okay? Tell me if it hurts…" _

_Well, perhaps, sometimes her kindness could be a bit infuriating when Anna wanted to just be taken. Though, without saying a word, she nodded, grunting with reluctance, her eyes peeking over her shoulder to see her girlfriend's face… the face she'd make as she began to slowly move. _

"_Gods…" Elsa moaned, her hip slowly grinding in pleasure, coaxing Anna's legs to spread just a bit more. Her hand moved quickly to take Anna's wrist, the other lowering to palm at her rear. Anna could live with that forever, and that was what made Elsa so sexy and hot to begin with… because that woman could be so bold and intimate when she wanted to. That woman… would do whatever she wanted as long as they were together alone. _

_And even something like this… as Anna laid on her stomach, hip raised up in the air to allow Elsa to have her way with her made her realize how this was all she wanted at this moment, and nothing else. And with the night so cold and lonesome, their bed that was filled with their warmth… was a comfort to them both. _

_Feeling Elsa move in her, her own walls clenching tightly around her, Anna moaned into her arm like it was their first time together. Gods, it felt like heaven on earth. Like drugs. And it didn't hurt because Elsa made sure Anna was getting the best of everything. And even feeling good meant Anna could be as open and intimate as possible. She reached out to hold Elsa's hand, entwining their fingers, taking comfort in feeling Elsa's hot breath kissing her ear. "Fuck… Elsa…" she whined, teeth biting against the woman's knuckle. _

"_I love you," her girlfriend breathed, "I'll always be there for you… always be yours…" _

_That's it. That just wasn't enough. And with Elsa's words resonating in her head, she knew she needed more than just loving. She wrapped her hand around Elsa's hair, moaning into the high heavens, her head tilted up. "Fuck me… take me… make me yours, Elsa…" _

_Elsa didn't even need to say anything, when the only response needed was a small grunt and a slight squeeze of her fingers on Anna's ass. Sensing what Anna needed, Elsa separated from Anna's back, prompting her to brace herself for what's to come. A hand securely wrapped around Anna's hip, and another gently pushed down on the small of Anna's back. Gladly, Anna silently sunk herself even more into her pillow, glassy eyes gazing out in space. Her core throbbed at the heat, her wetness pooled between her trembling thighs… just from the silent commands that Elsa was giving her. She needed this. She needed the harshness… the intense love. The fucking. _

_And without a word, Elsa had started harshly pushing her phallus in and out of her heat in repetition._

_Anna didn't expect it when she knew she should've. Her mouth gaped open in a silent yelp, but other than that, her body, feeling nothing but sweat drenching her skin, wasn't moving. She could feel it… the hands pushing her down, the member rubbing against the tightness of her walls in a hurried pace… the way her wetness would meet against Elsa's pelvis. _

_She moaned like a depraved woman, crying out in pleasure, her muscles tensing… and her skin felt like it would burst into flames if it weren't for Elsa's cool hand relaxing her back muscles, her fingers running through her hair. _

_"Anna… baby," Elsa gritted her teeth, her one free hand automatically landing a playful 'smack!' on Anna's round ass. "My love, you're so hot…" _

_Rather than acting surprised, Anna merely smiled at the harsh contact, her skin buzzing with a pleasant hurt. The only time that Elsa would ever call her hot, rather than beautiful were moments like this, and Anna thoroughly enjoyed this side of her girlfriend. _

_She bit her lip as the feeling of Elsa's hand grasping her hip urged her to back up closer against the blonde's body. Every part of herself drowned in the most electrifying pleasure because, fuck, Elsa really knew how to make her walls squeeze around that toy. Suddenly Anna's eyebrows furrowed, her eyes rolling back as she felt Elsa's front bent against her back, her hip still moving harshly to pleasantly torture her heated core.  
_"_Oh, fuck…" Anna whined, her knuckles turning white from the tight grip on her pillow. Her moans quickly turned into whines, and she knew she was almost at the breaking point. The sound of their skin slapping against each other and Elsa's heavy panting in her ear… no, she really was done for. "G-God, Elsa… a-ah -"_

"_Shh… shh…" Thin fingers slowly trailed down Anna's flat stomach, their soft pad gently massaging the small engorged button that peeked out of its small hood. There wasn't a thing that Anna could do now, other than to quickly place a hand on Elsa's wrist, but failing to make any attempt to make her stop caressing it. "It's okay… come, baby…" _

_She wasn't sure what had gotten into her when tears started spilling, and her whimpers had transformed into choked sobs. As if on command though, listening to Elsa's voice… listening to her steady breathing, feeling those kisses painting her skin with love, Anna's muscles tightened and tensed up. With a gasp, her hip met with Elsa's in repetition and desperation, her legs and arms writhing and jerking, but Elsa was strong enough to pin her down from her blissful escape. Her screams were silent, being nothing other than breathy whispers as she rode out her bliss. _

_She couldn't be more thankful when she felt Elsa still holding her… still grinding slowly inside of her. When Elsa did stop, all Anna could feel were her loving hands grooming her hair, her lips warmly pecking her flushed skin, but for once, when all Anna wanted to do was return the favor or giggle and thrash around with her girlfriend in bed, all she did was lay still on her stomach. _

_Tears spilled out of her eyes, which she quickly covered with her arms, her sobs grew even louder. Alarmed, Elsa quickly pulled herself out, and after a few seconds, Anna heard a slight 'thud' as the strap-on fell to the floor, and arms suddenly replaced the pillow that she had been laying on, hugging her tightly. Still, it didn't help her at all - not when she was feeling overwhelmed with emotions, and they were emotions that she just couldn't describe. _

_After all, there had been so many things that had been crossing Anna's mind… things she wished hadn't crossed her mind - especially when they were making love. But one thing was for sure… the moment she had let a tear out, it was because of disbelief. Disbelief that someone as kind and gentle as Elsa would love and share her burden with Anna when the redhead was at her lowest point, unwilling to feel any love and… any desire, refusing the accept the help that she needed. Disbelief that there was someone that would be beside her no matter what… no matter how dire or light the situation seemed. _

_She sobbed in Elsa's arms, listening to her girlfriend's heartbeat… relishing the little strokes of her fingers running along the small of Anna's back. _

"_Darling, what's wrong?" Elsa simply asked. "Was I too harsh? Did I hurt you?" _

_Anna shook her head, her arms quickly wrapping around Elsa's thin waist. Listening to her soft voice was soothing. _

"_Then what is it, hm? Take your time… I'm right here with you." _

_With a deep breath, shaky and all, she answered, "I've just… I've never been this loved by anyone… I feel so lucky to have you. Thank you so much… for everything that you've done for me." _

_The silence after that was a little intimidating. Perhaps, a bit endearing as well, because in the end… she knew Elsa wouldn't fault her for anything. It was a bit comforting as well because as the two of them remained silent, all Anna could think about was her girlfriend's kind response. In a way, she knew anything that Elsa would say wouldn't be filled with empty words, no. While there were times that Elsa would be harsh and strict, all the redhead would be reminded of was her Mama. That the woman she loves… __cares._

_After what seemed like just a few minutes, Elsa slowly placed her hand on Anna's shoulder, prompting the redhead to gaze up. The tears that stained her cheeks were quickly dried by her thumbs, her ocean eyes searching her somber expression. _

_"You don't need to thank me," Elsa finally responded, her knuckles running along Anna's freckles, trailing through the strands of her hair. Naked and all, Elsa shifted herself up in a sitting position against the headboard, urging Anna to lay on her chest. With a sigh, the woman wrapped her arms tightly around Anna's waist, rewarding her with a long peck on the side of her forehead. "No matter what…" she continued, "I'll always put you on top. If anything, I'm the one who's lucky to have met you." _

_"How can that be?" _

_Smiling, her fingers tapped the redhead's chin playfully. "If it weren't for you… we wouldn't be living in an apartment that I designed like this. I probably would still be living in a small studio. I wouldn't be motivated… wouldn't have a reason to push forward, to push past my limit, for you. Anna… I know you've had some hard times, but I've kept my promise to make up for those times with you, right?" _

_Anna slowly nodded. _

_"So don't cry, beautiful. Don't think of me as someone special just because I made you smile. I'm just your girlfriend who wants you to be the very best of yourself. I promise." _

_And she was right. So many times Anna thought of her girlfriend as a blessing, like an angel had finally fallen from the sky to heal her wounds. In all honesty, Elsa was really her cure… really was the one to set her down the correct path. If it hadn't been for her, Anna would have still been that lost soul, getting with the wrong people… suffering from addictions that she knew she wouldn't escape. Only she did, and although she knew it was something she should be proud of, Anna knew that she wouldn't have been able to quit that lifestyle if she hadn't met the love of her life. _

_Smiling, feeling a gentle finger running along her freckled cheeks, Anna leaned in for a mere kiss on her jaw. Her tender touch held onto Elsa's cheek, and from there, she could feel those little muscles and nerves lifting up with a smile. _

_"I love you so much, you know that?" Anna began. _

_The blonde shrugged, letting Anna run her hair back with her fingers. "Well, if you keep repeating it, I might end up believing that," she winked, giggling when Anna had lightly smacked her in the arm. _

_"Geez…" Though, through the playfulness between them, Anna knew especially that no matter what, no matter how many times she would tell Elsa that she loved her… Anna still wouldn't be able to truly convey how much she loved her girl. Seeing her smile, seeing those soft eyes glimmer at Anna, and only at her, made her really cherish the fact that this woman truly had adoration and love for her… that even if they weren't for her kind words, it still showed how genuine Elsa had always been. _

_With a grin, she pushed her tears away, and Anna mouthed those three words at her. Elsa didn't need to say a thing… didn't need to even look to know Anna loved her this deeply. But in response, Elsa had shut her eyes, her arms tightly hugging Anna. _

_"I love you too, darling." _

* * *

Things could've gone better in all honesty. Things could've gone the way she wanted with Elsa - treating her like how she used to treat her. But the world was out to get her it seemed, and Anna felt like she was treating her like a child. And while what happened back in the office wasn't really much of a tantrum - rather, it was just a burst of frustration - Anna couldn't help but treat it as such.

She felt guilty for feeling the way she did. Things were just… never the same. Call her selfish or whatever for believing that one day the Elsa that she knew would come back sooner, but being a twenty-two-year-old woman that was taking all responsibility for Elsa… well, it was a tow. As much as she wanted to carry this weight, to take on the burden of Elsa's frustrations and weakness… it could only go on for so long.

Truth be told, Anna loved her so deeply that her own feelings just… didn't quite matter. Not yet, at least. Oh, how she wished she could just tell Elsa what their relationship was like. How Elsa had changed so much. It wouldn't change a thing, would it? All it would affect is how Elsa saw Anna. As a selfish pathetic liar.

So as she wandered around her empty campus on this summer day, after having picked up her class schedule for the semester, all she could think about was the slight mishap in the car. The fear on Elsa's face was so evident… the trembling of her hands, the way Elsa gasped when their eyes met. How those then-excitable blue eyes darkened with anxiety and trauma.

Anna knew that look long enough to know that Elsa… must have remembered something. Of course, back then… Elsa would have fear engraved in her eyes, but it wasn't because she had been in a trauma herself. It was out of concern for Anna. And she only confirmed that fear with how quiet Elsa had gotten immediately after. She knew not to pry herself in. Actually, she'd rather have Elsa pick up the pieces one step at a time.

Having left Elsa in the library for the last two hours by herself was making Anna fidget as she drove back to pick her up. It was the first time since the accident that Anna had ever left the blonde in an unknown place for this long, so it was natural that her mind started fantasizing about bad situations that could have happened. But she couldn't think of all that many scenarios honestly - Elsa was in a library after all, with just books and silence.

_God, as if traffic couldn't get any slower… _Anna rolled her eyes, tapping her finger against the steering wheel as the column of cars waited for the green light to turn on. Her eyes quickly turned to the phone attached to the dashboard as it vibrated with a message.

Her face quickly turned from frustration to coldness… and for a moment, anger. She didn't need to even see the name to know that it was Meg that was messaging her.

"'Why aren't you replying to my message?'" Anna repeated the text in a whisper, growling below her breath as she pressed her foot down on the accelerator. "_Why the hell do you fucking think, you asshole…" _

After all this time… after all the fights, the apologies, the stupid arguments, and the fucking manipulation, Anna still couldn't believe that woman was still texting her. Once upon a time she had thought Meg would do her so good… would treat her so well… would actually be _the _one. Oh, how badly she had mistaken it all. She didn't ever want to remember, but perhaps if it wasn't for her manipulation, she wouldn't have fallen for Elsa so quickly.

But in a way… maybe Anna just didn't want to forget. Didn't want to pull away from her grasp… just like everything else that she had done in the past, she was still addicted. She didn't want to think about it.

When she finally arrived at the library, she searched the first floor for a few minutes but didn't find a particular blonde searching for books or sitting in one of those wooden desks. Anna had specifically asked her to stay on one floor, but… well, who was she to dictate what Elsa wanted to learn anyway?

Fair enough. Arriving at the second floor on the elevator, she immediately saw a familiar blonde braid sitting by the window with her crutches leaning against a table. Anna smiled when she noticed how many books were in front of her… and how focused Elsa seemed to be. _Glad to know she still enjoys learning. _

"Elsa -"

"So then I asked him if he wanted me to read to the children, which - I know - I just politely declined and gave him a poor excuse when he said yes. I love kids, but I work better with books by myself." A woman's voice with a slight French accent sounded just across from Elsa.

Laughter - no, _giggles_ \- quickly erupted. One that sounded too much like Elsa, and just as Anna walked past the bookshelves that had blocked her view of the other person speaking, she stayed silent, watching the exchange. Her eyes were quick to fall upon the brunette, and the smile Anna wore fell.

"Then, I appreciate you for helping me study. I know it must have been a huge hassle," Elsa said, twiddling her pen between her fingers.

The foreign woman widened her eyes in shock, her cheeks flustered red. "Oh, no, no! That's not what I meant at all. You're not a child! I-I would never have felt -"

"I know, Belle. I was just pulling your leg. Relax, okay?"

The girl Elsa had called 'Belle' arched an eyebrow after a long pause. "Ooh, so a girl _can_ tell some jokes after all."

"Elsa?" Anna slowly came up to them, her hand resting on the blonde's shoulder. The two women turned, the new girl gazing at her for a moment with her brown eyes, before turning to Elsa. Anna wasn't sure how she felt, but one thing she was certain about was the weight in her heart growing heavier with each passing second. There was so much she wanted to ask… so much she wanted to say, but being the bigger person, Anna kept her cool. But instead of asking if Elsa wanted to go home, she questioned her, "who's this?"

While Anna's face was as hard as a stone, on the inside, she acted with confusion, frustration… anger… _fear. _

"Oh, Anna, this is Belle," the blonde answered. "She was helping with my studying."

"Really? Did it go well?"

"I think so, I feel pretty good about it."

Belle stretched out her hand. "Hi, it's nice to meet you. Anna, was it?"

She didn't particularly want to shake her hand, but she thought she might as well disguise her unease by being nice for now. Although reluctant, Anna made sure to give her a firm grip as they shook. "Very nice to meet you," she replied. "Thank you for… um, teaching her."

The brunette shook her head. "Oh, not a problem. I didn't think she'd learn things so quickly, must be in her genes." Belle winked.

"Belle, just because I was in an accident, doesn't mean I forgot _everything_ I knew," Elsa answered instead, letting out a tired sigh. But that wasn't what caught Anna's attention as she whipped her head to Elsa in shock, eyes widening. Disbelief quickly overcame her, and honestly, she felt like crying with the inside of her throat tightening.

"What…? You _told _her?" Anna whispered, her own teeth grinding against each other. She knew it shouldn't have been such a big deal if Elsa wanted to tell someone about the accident, but if she hadn't remembered a single thing yet if Elsa wasn't _ready _at all… as her girlfriend, how was Anna supposed to feel? It was no secret that Elsa would have been a completely different person, but she knew, at least, the Elsa she knew would have had the decency to be discreet, at least for the time being. In the ensuing silence she knew that Elsa had sensed the anger in her voice.

The blonde turned to look at her. "Was it wrong -"

She couldn't handle this. She grabbed Elsa's arm and pulled her up. "Come on, let's go home."

"Anna, wait -"

The crutches now. "It was very nice to meet you, Belle. Sorry for the suddenness."

"Oh, I -"

She knew she was being harsh, maybe a bit too harsh, but she didn't care that Elsa was whining for her to stop. She didn't care if Elsa tried to pull her away, but she made sure that Elsa was walking with her side by side as fast as they could. She was fuming with anger… and no way in hell was she ever, _ever_ going to let Elsa go back to that library again. Jealous? No. Disappointed, perhaps. After all, having to be Elsa's caretaker for these past few weeks… having Elsa by her side at all times made her wary of other people communicating with her.  
Perhaps, this was as toxic as things could get… but with Elsa being as naive and stubborn as she had been, Anna didn't even know what would happen.

In the blink of an eye - not even sure if she knew what had happened - they sat beside each other in the car, slamming the door closed. Anna ran her fingers through her hair, her eyes blurred with aggravated tears.

"What the hell was that back there?!" Elsa snapped, drawing Anna out of her train of thought. "You didn't even let me say goodbye!"

She didn't reply. Didn't have the strength to, really. Quickly putting her seatbelt on, Anna finally drove off, still staying stubbornly silent. How ironic. Now she was the one acting like a child without hearing Elsa's perspective. _But do I really need to? She seemed so happy. _

"Who was she?" was Anna's first question among many others she wanted to ask, her voice barely audible. Her eyes strayed from the street to the girl for a moment, seeing her blue eyes staring right at her. Still, Anna persisted with the questions. "Do you know her?"

"No, I don't know her. We just met," Elsa replied with the same quiet tone. "She wanted to help me study… and I accepted her help. Isn't that what you want? Why are you so angry?"

_Endure. Just endure it. _Her fingers gripped the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles turned white as paper. Taking a deep breath, Anna answered but disregarded Elsa's questions, "here's what we're going to do - we're not going to that library anymore -"

"What -"

"We're not going to go to _any _library any time soon. We're going to buy your books instead, and then when you're ready, you're going back to work. Your assistant says you have a lot to do, and he'll teach you everything along the way. In a few days time, or weeks, you'll be able to walk without crutches so you'll have an easier time getting around, and then you can drive -"

"Anna, what is wrong with you -"

"I'M TRYING MY FUCKING BEST HERE, ALRIGHT?!"

Silence. Anna had slammed her hand against the steering wheel, and all Anna could hear was her heavy breathing… her tears dripped down her cheeks to her lap. "I'm trying…" she sounded, her voice cracking, her hand ruffling her own hair, "but why… why would you ever do this…?"

She could barely fathom the thought, drowning in her own silence, as the same question kept running through her head. She had been the one taking care of Elsa, she had been the one to listen to Elsa's every plea, every exasperated word. _Am I ever enough? _

* * *

The way back home was spent in heavy silence. Even as they rode up the elevator… even when she had grasped Elsa's arms to help her walk, the atmosphere between them was just dead. Anna wasn't sure who was angrier, but she had to admit her own feelings got the best of her. Her own feelings made her burst into pity party tears and screams that she knew Elsa didn't want to hear. After all, while Elsa had been in shock… she had quickly recovered and hadn't said a word since.

Anna could apologize. Anna could just say something, but she really didn't know what to say or how to say it.

As they entered the apartment, Anna thought about what she needed to say to ease the tension between them. As she closed the door she was just about to apologize when she noticed in the corner of her eye that Elsa had thrown the crutches on the ground and stood still in the middle of the room.

"Elsa -"

"You come back from your college to pick me up just so you could start screaming at me when I have done nothing but try to remember everything I knew, so I can get back to work soon. You think this is easy for me? At least _someone_ tried to help."

_You mean her? _Just from that one word, Anna had almost pushed all of her sympathies away, but she didn't because a small part of her just wanted this to be _over_ and done with. She wanted her Elsa back. Truth be told, just seeing her stand there like that with her arms crossed was a perfect reminder that there was still a remnant of Elsa in there. She would be so twisted in wanting to just come up to the woman and kiss her… and she did want it. Just… it wasn't the Elsa that she wanted to have that with.

"Elsa…" she sighed. "I'm sorry I snapped… you're right. You deserve to be there. You deserve to learn. My feelings got the better of me."

"What about _my_ feelings? Have you considered that?" Elsa growled back. "I couldn't even have a friend without you freaking out about me!"

Anna clenched her jaw. "It's for the best, Elsa."

"Why?! Why is it for the best? How do you know what's best for me? Why do you care about who I talk to?! Who are you to me, Anna?!"

Anna kept her mouth shut. _My girlfriend. My fucking girlfriend. My girlfriend who I don't want to lose because she doesn't know better. _

"You know…" Elsa began once more, slowly walking up to her. "I remembered something between us in the car when that truck passed us…"

Everything that had surrounded her, that was moving around her was lost as Anna's heart had dropped like a rock tossed into the ocean. Her eyes widened, and the tears that she had held back had re-emerged. This wasn't happening… but at the same time, Anna badly wanted this to happen.

"W-What -"

"I didn't want to believe it. We were on a beach. You were dancing. You had a dress on, and you were so sweet. But right now… you're anything but." Grabbing the wall, Elsa slowly made her way down the hall to her bedroom, ignoring Anna even as she whispered her name. "Forget it… I've been a burden to you. _I'm sorry._ Now you don't have to try anymore."

* * *

A/N: so... who's right on this matter?


	11. Chapter 11: Love

_Trying to buy her girlfriend a gift was easier than she thought. Sure, often, Elsa in her leisure times would think about what she should gift Anna in return for her beautiful smile, but it wasn't always something that would last forever. Food, sure. Books… well, Anna didn't particularly enjoy reading books on her off time. A few earrings and piercings here and there… but they were barely noticeable if people only paid close attention. In all honesty, not many of the gifts Elsa would buy her were remotely useful anyway. _

_During the afternoon that she had finished eating her lunch, having another hour on her own to hang around, Elsa decided to go to a jewelry shop. It was just in time as well when Elsa's boss had increased her pay because of how much she had to offer for the company… even discussing whether she wanted a newer position with a bigger room - one that gave more executive directions for the company. Elsa had to think about. _

_Still though, with the new paycheck that she had gotten just last week that she had excitedly told Anna about, including the new opportunities - which, not surprisingly, Anna had cried out tears of happiness - Elsa made a… well, a less __mindful_ _decision to get Anna a watch. That girl was always late for her classes even when Elsa made sure to call her every time at work to check if she made it. _

_But that was what made Elsa enjoy so much about her - she had become the sole reason why Elsa didn't always have to focus on work and exhaust herself. Every now and then, during a break, she'd always enjoy the little time that she'd have with Anna, even if it was just a few minutes call, no matter what it was about. _

_Staring at the selection of watches under the glass display, she sensed a worker walking down behind the aisle to help. Tiffany's usually wasn't too crowded, and there was always some gentle background music from the speakers, but Elsa couldn't help seeing how many workers were looking at her. Especially when there were only a few customers, including her, here. _

_"Hi there, how can I help you?" announced said worker in a suit. _

_Elsa continued to scan her eyes through the series of watches. __No, that one's too small. That one's black… too much leather…_ _She sighed, having in mind already what she wanted. "Do you have anything that's not too flashy?" _

_"Well, what are you looking for?" _

_Elsa clapped her hands together. "Something simple. Steel, perhaps. Let's see… white, maybe?" _

_The clerk nodded and slowly took out a watch that fit her description from the display. Elsa simply stared at it, even boldly taking it from his hand to examine. "This is stainless steel, not too flashy at all. The dials are fit in gold poudré with diamond set on the case." _

_Elsa raised her eyebrow curiously, eyeing the man first and then the watch, letting it shine in the light. "Diamond?" Not that she minded. "Let me guess, it's around ten grand." _

_"Ahh," he chuckled, "close actually. Seven grand." _

_Elsa squinted and placed the watch on the glass display as if it dirtied her hand. "You're showing me a watch that is worth seven grand and sound so proud when you say it out loud. I thought Tiffany's customer services are always on the customer's side." _

_"Well, yes, but -" _

_"Lower the price," Elsa demanded, her face stoic, and she made sure her cold blue eyes never stray away from the worker. _

_And as if on cue, he quickly stumbled to grab a calculator, punching in numbers and sighed. "The best I could do is five grand, Miss." _

_Five grand. Five grand, that she could do. It was always fun bargaining with workers, and while she wanted to say yes she'd buy that for that amount, she wasn't the type to give up entirely yet. "Lower." _

_"But Miss -" _

_Elsa slowly slid the watch back to him, and was just about to demand him to lower the price to at least four-point five grand… her eyes, as if meeting with the shine of a small reflected light, slowly turned to the display next to the watches, showing dozens of rings paired with each other. For a moment, she stayed silent, and as if automatic, her steps strode towards that display. And as soon as she had caught a glance of a beautiful diamond ring glaring in the light, her expression softened… and all thoughts of any bargaining were abandoned. She hadn't even noticed the worker had taken the ring out of the display to show her directly. _

_"Does this interest you, ma'am?" _

_Elsa blinked, prompted away from her dream and looked at the man. Oh, this dream… well, she had been thinking about it lately. There wouldn't be any happier places than with Anna… and during those two years together, having been enduring their ups and downs, still coming back to each other's arms with love, Elsa honestly just… never felt happier. _

_There were so many things that Anna had taught her - love, fear, comfort… and, especially, Anna taught her what it was like to lose. And although, Elsa hadn't lost anything… she always feared of losing Anna. And that fear was manifested from her own love and care. Ultimately, Elsa wanted to do everything she could to keep Anna in her own arms. Marrying her was one thing, and it was a plus, but all Elsa wanted was to give Anna her heart more than ever. _

_And while they were still young, knowing that there was no rush on getting married - especially when Anna was still in school and Elsa having her plans to start her own company - what was the harm to get ready early on? They both knew how important they were to each other… and even in the two years they had been together, every day felt like it was their first time being in love. _

_She took the box that was seating a diamond ring in her hand and swallowed. _

_"Do you like it, ma'am?" _

_Elsa looked at the worker, her expression softened warmly before she turned back to be entranced with the ring once more. "It's beautiful." _

_"Yes, it is. I'm sure your boyfriend would enjoy buying one?" _

_That made Elsa giggle, still observing the ring with care. "Girlfriend, actually." _

_"Ah… my bad. Well, I'm sure your girlfriend would love it very much. t's a very beautiful ring, ma'am, though on a more expensive side." _

_"Yes, I'm seeing that it is -" Before she could continue, her phone rang in her pocket. Usually, she disliked the fact someone would call her during her break, but knowing that sometimes it was Anna, she would have to answer it every time. Which meant right now. With a smile on her face, she answered, "Hi, babe." _

_"Is that your girlfriend?" The worker mouthed, prompting Elsa to just wink at him before turning her back towards him, leaning against the display. _

_"_Heyyy, I just got off class. It ended early. Thought I should call you to see if you ate lunch."

_"I just ate, don't worry. Are you going straight home? You should get something to eat." _

_"_Yep. I guess I can order take-out once I'm home… unless there are leftovers from yesterday so I can finish that for lunch_," Anna yawned. _

_"Oh, don't go eating leftovers. Have something a bit nicer." She turned back, unable to even take her eyesight off the single jewelry for another second. "I'll come back home a bit earlier to make dinner. And you should take a nap if you're tired, baby." _

_"_Yeah, I should… ooh, you know, I'm kinda craving steak and mashed potatoes. I think we still have a few potatoes in the kitchen, I'll peel them later."

_The girl always gets what she wants, huh?_ _"Alright, I'll go buy some steak on the way home."_

_"_Anyway, are you gonna get back to work? I don't wanna bother you for too long_." _

_"Oh, never." She sighed, wishing she could just get to the other side of the phone and hug her girlfriend. Even if it was just for a few hours, Elsa couldn't help but crave wanting to be next to her, talk about nothing, laugh about nothing… and just be together. "I'll see you back home then? Text me if you need anything." _

_"_Yup! Love you."

_"I love you too, darling." Without another beat, she didn't even have to wait until Anna had hung up. As much as Elsa wanted to stay on the phone as long as she could with Anna, the redhead would always be the first to hang up every time without hesitation. Which was fantastic in a way because Elsa was never really the type to play 'who can hang up first' like any other typical couples. But in a way, they never really were a typical cute couple. They had matured… and Elsa had been thinking about their future together for a while now. _

_"Wow, you must love your girlfriend a lot. Been together long?" the worker asked. Right now, she loved for people to pry and ask. Elsa always prided herself with having such a beautiful woman by her side after all, and she always wanted to brag about it. _

_"Two years actually." _

_"That's not too long then. You must really love her if you're considering an engagement ring right now." _

_Elsa nodded, her expression showing nothing gratitude and pride, her eyes glistening with all the fondness and happiness that she would always have with Anna. But as much as she could feel all of that on the surface, deep down… there was also so much hurt and pain. It was nothing she could ever describe, and really, she didn't ever want to describe it. It was hard to imagine a life without Anna now. Couldn't even imagine the torment she would feel when everything that had worked hard to have was gone. Truth be told, every day, Elsa feared all the things that Anna… that Anna would do to herself… to both of them. One slip-up would mean the end of the world, and Elsa couldn't afford to make any mistakes. Ever. _

_"She's… been through a rough patch," she nodded, feeling her chest tighten, "I love her too much to make her go through so many hardships in life by herself. I can't lose her… so I thought this would make her very happy. It'd make me happy." _

_"I'm sorry, ma'am. There are always some bumps in a relationship, and yours surely is no different." _

_She shook her head. "Clearly it isn't. But… I know I can't lose her. She is the one, after all." _

_He smiled. "And you think marrying her is the right choice?" _

_"The only and the right choice. Always." She pauses, chuckling. "Right so… yes, I want that watch and I want this ring. Do you do engraving?" _

_"Yes, we do! We can engrave it right now if you'd like?" _

_"Fantastic." _

_"And the price? This ring is 12k, ma'am." _

_Elsa shook her head as she pulled out her debit card from her wallet. "It's alright. I want it. Love has no price." _

* * *

It felt like days had passed with each second that ticked by. Anna wasn't used to how quiet the house was, especially after everything that had happened, which, during those hours of being by herself, made her reflect on what she did wrong. In a way, she didn't think she did anything wrong, and it was only for a short while that she thought of that. After all… as Elsa had gone back to her room without the crutches, it made Anna realize, perhaps, Elsa didn't need her as much as Anna thought she did.

And for the time that Anna had tried to preoccupy herself with cleaning up the office for the hours that she had been alone, she couldn't help but think that maybe Elsa was right. In all the ways that Anna could've treated her, she didn't have to treat her like Elsa was chained to her. But if she hadn't done what she had done, Elsa would have been taken away by someone else. The way she smiled… the way she giggled… oh, Anna _remembered _exactly how she was with Belle… and she remembered how Elsa would always be the one - the _only _one - that would look this full of joy. Used to, anyway.

Now, Anna rarely saw that sunshine smile and spritely laughter in this household. She missed it. Craved for it. Perhaps, she even regretted treating Elsa like she was her own _property_.

Standing in the kitchen after having to clean out the office, she was just about to make dinner when her phone rang. It had only been a few days since Idunn had called, so of course, Anna was expecting one soon, and she was right.

"Hello?" Anna greeted, exhaling with exhaustion, her eyes gazing down at the dripping faucet.

_"Anna? What's wrong, sweetheart? Everything alright?" _Her sweet concerned voice was about to make Anna break down.

She shook her head and chuckled bitterly. "I'm fine, don't worry. Sorry I haven't been messaging."

_"Is Elsa causing you trouble? God, that girl…" _

"N-No, not at all! She's…" she looked down to the hall where Elsa's bedroom door was closed. "She's fine. She's great actually. We're great. Uh, she's taking a nap right now, but if you want her to talk -"

_"Oh, that's alright. I just wanted to ask if you wanted to come home to have dinner with us, that's all. There's a wonderful roast chicken in the oven right now. Your favorite~" _Idunn singsonged.

Anna could only smile at that. After all, when nobody else cared, Elsa's parents had officially become her wonderful parents as well. "Sure. I'd love to come to dinner."

_"Good, good. Then go wake Elsa up and come by in about an hour, alright? Love you, Anna." _

"Yeah, I love you too."

As soon as the mother hung up, Anna dropped her head and let out a sigh. Now here was the most difficult part: waking up Elsa after that fight they just had.

She wasn't even sure if Elsa had even slept with how angry she had been before. Still, the woman couldn't hide in her room forever. Looking at the clock, it was about seven already, so it was just in time.

Coming to open Elsa's door, of course, the first time she saw was darkness with the curtains closed and a small lump on the right side of the bed. Breathing in a courageous breath, Anna slowly walked to the bedside and shook Elsa's shoulder.

"Elsa… time to get up," she whispered. "Your mom wants us to come home to eat dinner."

Elsa's eyebrows scrunched together. "Mm…"

Anna shook her a bit harder. "Come on, I know you want to continue sleeping but I don't want you to go hungry. It's already seven."

"Okayyy…" the blonde groaned back like a teenager. She slowly sat up as Anna turned the bedside lights on, observing carefully at the way Elsa yawned and stretched. She must have had such a good dream if, for a few moments, that Elsa looked so in peace. Until she turned to see Anna that her expression had darkened. "Get out."

"Elsa -"

"Get out of my room. We can go to dinner but I don't want to talk to you right now. Get out!"

Anna clenched her fingers into fists, her eyes widened in hurt and anger, surprised by the sudden change in mood. But, perhaps, it shouldn't have been too much of a shock to know that Elsa was still mad at her. Still, Anna knew doing what she had done was in the past, and she could do nothing else to fix that. Although, she could apologize… admit that she had done wrong, but she was only going to kid herself.

Silently, with tears already coating her pupils, Anna's lips moved to say something, anything, really, but she just couldn't.

"What are you doing?" Elsa started again. "I told you to get out."

Right now, Anna could just feel her whole being trembling. "I just want what's best for you…" she whispered, her head dropping low, and for a short moment, while the tears fell from her face, Anna felt like something had been lifted off her shoulders. A burden. This whole weight. Saying that one sentence was coated in pain and hurt, but it was the truth.

She didn't wait for Elsa to respond as she got out of her room as fast as she could, door slamming shut. And only then when Anna was by herself right in front of Elsa's bedroom, she covered her mouth to prevent her cries from escaping. But she knew she couldn't just always wallow in pain… drowning herself, thinking that Elsa would suddenly wake up and be the sweetheart she always knew.

Soon enough, Anna had wiped her tears away and led herself to the living room, grabbing whatever she needed to the car. It didn't take long for Elsa to get out of her room as well, dressing simply in a shirt and jeans, her hair in her usual braid. But the whole atmosphere between them was just so incredibly dense and incredibly tiring. As Elsa slowly made her way out to the front door with her crutches that laid by her door when she slept, they were both giving each other the silent treatment.

Elsa didn't look at her… and neither did Anna. But that was all they could do to keep calm.

Especially as Anna started the car after trying her best to help Elsa get in, especially when they were driving down the street, the thickened atmosphere never really left between them. Anna knew she should at least say something, but she was afraid that she would get yelled at once again.

In the silence, Anna took a glimpse at her to see that Elsa was looking out at the side window. _Say something. Just say it. _But she couldn't. For the first time, she really feared Elsa… she really feared what Elsa would say to her. She felt desperate. She felt hopeless. But she knew the very least she could be glad about was the fact that Elsa was still _alive_, even if different.

So instead of saying anything, she clenched her fingers tightly on the steering wheel, and for the rest of the time, she kept her eyes forward without a single word escaping.

* * *

"Oh, darling Anna, I'm so glad to see you." Idunn slowly wrapped her arms around the redhead as soon as the two girls had stepped through the front door. While Anna tried her best to smile, it just seemed more awkward than usual when she knew Elsa was lurking behind her with such a… well, disgruntled look on her face. _Like a child even. _

The redhead nervously chuckled, soon having to pull away from the embrace. "Yeah, it smells good in there."

Idunn rolled her eyes. "Oh, of course it's going to smell good, it's your favorite. Elsa, come on in, you must be hungry, right? Your father made some delicious chicken soup. Very hearty."

The two entered the house, and while the living space was just huge, nothing felt more like home than to hear jazz music in the background with the smell of delicious aroma wafting in the air. Anna could even hear the boiling pot of soup that was just about ready, looking over to see Agdar stirring the pot. For now, all she wanted to do was ignore Elsa.

"Anna!" Agdar called out from the kitchen. "I'm glad you could come home for dinner. It would be a waste if you decided against it," Anna slowly came up to the man, letting him embrace her just for a moment, "you must be hungry, right? It'll be done soon."

The girl peeked over, and just from the first intake of breath in of the soup, she could feel her whole body getting warmer inside. "Yeah, uh… you need any help?"  
"Oh, no, no. Just sit. We already set the tables up. Elsa, darling, are you hungry?!"

Anna turned to see Elsa wandering around the house looking at pictures. Though, while there weren't any with Anna and Elsa together in it, she could see how attentive Elsa was to the details of all the pictures that she was in with her parents and even without her parents.

Elsa slowly turned and nodded. "Yes, father." Yet, Elsa hadn't even met eye contact with Anna along the way.

"Alright, why don't you two go have a seat," Agdar placed his hand on Anna's shoulder, urging her to go be beside his daughter, "It'll be done soon."

"But -"

"Anna, darling," Idunn started, already having to open the oven door and out came the roasted chicken. "Go on, wash your hands. Go sit with Elsa."

And that was what she most dreaded. She heard the chair squeaking against the floor, knowing that it was Elsa who would be sitting down. The fact that she noticed how Elsa's face fell the moment she had sat down… the moment Elsa realized they would be sitting next to each other, it wasn't just the mere sadness that Anna was noticing. It was the complete anger that she had witnessed earlier on today, but all Anna could do was stay silent once again as she sat down next to Elsa.

_Awkward… this is awkward… _

She looked over to the blonde, but no matter how much she wished to see Elsa doing the same to her, the woman seemed to want none of it.

Luckily, Anna didn't have to sit in silence for long before Elsa's parents joined them both, sharing their dishes together. Perhaps, it was just the silence… or perhaps, it was just the fact that she was sitting next to Elsa, but her appetite wasn't as great as she thought it'd be. Of course, don't get her wrong, Idunn could make the most amazing dinner for her, but the feeling of her heart dropping constantly each second couldn't make that dinner any more delicious.

It wasn't always like this. They were happy. And as much as Anna knew how difficult it was for Elsa to accept who she was, as much as Anna knew how saddened and frustrated Elsa would be, they would never have gone to this length without talking for hours. The pressure that Anna was feeling right now was crushing her, and all she wanted was to make things work… only, she was as helpless as she could ever be.

Perhaps, Idunn and Agdar had already noticed the change in atmosphere, especially with how quiet it had gotten for the past few minutes, how Anna had been staring at her plate, taking slow bites when Anna had always been a fast eater. She didn't want to react to any of it.

"So… how are things between you two?" Anna slowly picked her head up to the mother's chirpy voice. _Now I guess I have to react to it. _ "It does seem like Elsa's been able to walk a lot better huh? Thank you for taking care of her, Anna, we appreciate it so much…"

She looked over to the side to see that Elsa hadn't picked her head up from her plate either. _Will she even say anything to me? _"Oh, u-uh… it's… it's cool. I mean, it's really nothing. Elsa… Elsa's smart, you already know that. It's no surprise she can probably walk pretty well in the next couple of weeks. I mean… she's already trying to do it without her crutches."

"Oh really?" Agdar raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Elsa, you have to be careful, you know that, right? Have you fallen?"

"No father," was her deadpan tone.

"Have you two been doing alright on your own?" he asked, the two parents turning to either of them for an answer. "I know you two wanted to keep things on your own but -"

"We're fine, don't worry," Anna responded, her cheerful smile just as fake as the words that had come out of her lips. "I'm trying to get back to school again, Elsa's working pretty well with her studies. You don't need to worry, we're just… kinda getting things together."  
"Are you sure?" Idunn questioned, "It's stressful, isn't it, for both of you?"

"Um… yeah, but we're working on it together -"

"_Maybe if you'd stop controlling me, we'd be more than just good." _

The two parents turned to the soft voice that spoke… seeing that Elsa had finally turned to look right up, but Anna didn't dare to look. All she could do… all she knew she had to do was shut the hell up. All the pent-up anger… the frustration… at least now, Anna knew Elsa could let it out in front of her parents.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Idunn started.

Elsa quickly took a deep breath in, still gazing at nowhere but her parents. That was ideal. Anna didn't want to see the anger… and she knew Elsa didn't want to see her own shame. "I know you think you've done what's good for me. But today… I just see _control. _You don't own me. I may be crippled… but I know my own feelings, and I know when I'm happy and when I'm not."

"Elsa…?" Agdar crossed his brows and then turned to the redhead. "Anna, what's going on? Have you two been having problems?"  
"You treat me like I'm not normal… all I wanted was a friend. A friend that I met in the library that _you_ took me to. It was a new start. I was happy. She understood me. She understood what I needed… and you _took _that away because _you _didn't think I was ready to make _friends?_" The blonde finally turned, her expression as hard and angered as it was just hours ago during their argument.

Anna didn't move. Couldn't move. Couldn't even react. She was so consumed by her thoughts… she could barely hear what Elsa was saying, but she understood how much she _wronged_ Elsa. All that blood, sweat, and tears… resulted in all that despair, but what was it all worth?

Elsa continued, "I've had friends. I thought you were my friend. I thought you were there for me. But you don't even consider how I feel… just doing what you thought was best for _yourself. _Selfishness. _I hope your parents are proud of you_."

Idunn's eyes immediately widened, and for the first time in a while, the woman banged her fist on the table. "Elsa! Why did you say that?!"

Tears coated the older woman's eyes as she turned to Anna. And those words… those words were just resonating over and over Anna's mind, and while Elsa's mother was crying for her, all Anna felt was shock and guilt. So. Much. Guilt.

She trembled, but she stayed in her seat, eyeing her plate. She clenched her jaw, her fingers on her knees… and over and over again, she felt her own heart shattering like glass. Perhaps, this was a nightmare… and if was, she wanted this to end.

Agdar slowly stood from his seat, eyeing Elsa with such calmness… but even Anna could feel his anger. "Elsa… darling." He shook his head, pinching his fingers on the bridge of his nose. "You can't just say that -"

"It's okay," Anna whispered, finally picking her head up. Her throat was caught in an unescaped sob, but she had to stay strong. "It's fine, guys. It's true. What she said is true. You don't need to defend me. You don't need to say anything. I'm in the wrong."

Idunn's face softened, shaking her head, "Anna, please, I -"

"No, it's okay." She wiped her nose, looking down as she stood from her seat. "I'm just gonna head to the bathroom real quick. Sorry."

Anna didn't even hear Idunn calling her to come back as she raced up the stairs, immediately closing the door. She didn't want to hear it. She needed to be alone… needed the time for herself to think, to just… be herself without any one person to see her being weak and pity her. And just immediately after entering, Anna had collapsed on the ground, curled herself up in a ball and broke down. Tears that she had held back wept like a waterfall, the cries that she tried to hold back sounded against the back of her hand, and every single muscle she had been tensing up had started tingling from massive anxiety.

She didn't care if anyone out there heard her cry. All she had in mind… was Elsa. Not her… but _Elsa. _

That woman understood her. That woman sympathized with Anna and made her feel so much better if Anna felt alone or felt guilty of something. She would never blame her… because they'd always get through it together. She missed that. All of that.

It took a while, but when she realized the bathroom door had opened, Anna whimpered, trying to back against the corner of the bathroom, not knowing who it was until Idunn had gotten on her knees and held her wrists. "Oh, baby, baby, it's me. It's me. Shh…"

"I-Idun -"

"Shh…" Idunn slowly put her in her arms, like her own mother, patting the redhead's back, her lips pressed against her forehead. "It's okay, it's okay. I"m sorry, Anna. I'm so sorry… She didn't know. I told her everything about your parents. She wants to apologize. She feels sorry, she made a mistake. Okay? It was a huge mistake."

She didn't think she could cry in Idunn's arms, but she did, clutching onto the mother's shirt, her tears leaving stains. What could Anna say? They both knew… the whole family knew how much regret Anna had after her parents died. How much Anna wished to have treated them better… how much Anna thought of them every day for the past two years, unable to get over it for months on end. Elsa knew it all… and now?

Anna shook her head, her shoulders trembling. "That's not her… _That's not her… _She's not _Elsa…" _

"Baby, it's her. It's always been her. It'll always be her. Please don't think that."

"She doesn't know me… and I don't know her! _I DON'T KNOW HER!_" Anna screamed, and she knew pulling away was in vain because Idunn was holding her as tightly as possible. She could scream and she could shout, but she knew Idunn would never even attempt to agree with her. While Elsa couldn't ever be Anna's shoulder to cry on anymore, and while Idunn wasn't always here for her, right now… she was desperate enough to take any sort of comfort from someone that had given life to Anna's favorite person. After all… Idunn did look quite like Elsa.

Clinging onto Idunn didn't give her the sense of comfort and relief that Elsa would often give her, and being held by the mother's arms didn't exactly give her that sense of security either, but Anna, for all those weeks, had no one else to turn to… and finally, just like that, she had to break down.

It took a few minutes before Anna finally calmed down, unable to escape from Idunn's embrace, and neither did she want to anyway. She leaned her head against the woman's shoulder, feeling a calming hand circle on her back… feeling her own tears dribble down her wet cheeks. She sniffled, feeling as if she had gotten all of her thoughts and emotions together, and as she was just about to speak, Idunn sighed.

"Anna, would you like to stay here tonight? Agdar could bring Elsa home. I fear you don't want to see her at the moment," her gentle voice offered. Despite wanting to do that, Anna slowly shook her head and pulled away. Between the two of them… right now, it was Anna that had to take care of Elsa, that had to burden all that pain and suffering.

"No, I'm gonna…" she wiped her own tears off her face, knowing full well that her face was completely swollen and red. Though, she was thankful that Idunn was kind enough to come in to comfort her. "Um… thanks, Idunn. I… I think I'm gonna go home with her."

"Are you sure?" Idunn asked worriedly. "Agdar is… telling her about what happened, is that okay? As I said, she didn't know -"

"It's fine," Anna interrupted, slowly standing with the mother. "We'll talk about it on the way home. Thanks for helping out."

"Anna," she sighed, taking the redhead's wrist. "I'm sorry. She may not have been the person you've known - that we've known… but we need to help her out, and you need to understand that."

Unsure if she was still bitter or just didn't feel like having anyone touch her, Anna slowly pulled away from her hold, her own gaze glued to the ground. "I know. Of course I know. Um… let's just head down."

And, of course, heading down the stairs in such a quiet atmosphere got Anna more anxious than ever, especially with Idunn behind her… and the silhouette of Elsa and Agdar's body crept into her view. It seemed like the two hadn't realized Anna had come down as Adgar was still speaking, but it took a moment before two pairs of focused eyes turned around to look at Anna.

The first thing that Anna had caught on was exactly what she expected - an apologetic expression from Elsa. Oddly enough, even though Anna felt a wave of relief that Elsa wasn't mad at anymore, she really didn't Elsa to look at her like that.

Standing by the stairs, she sighed. "Sorry, Adgar… I think it's time for us to leave."

The man stood up with a gentle smile and nodded. "Oh, of course. But you didn't eat much… do you want to have a bit of food to go home with?"

Anna shook her head, her eyes unmoved from Elsa. "It's fine," she replied, almost seemingly disinterested, "I'm not hungry anyway."

Agdar turned to his daughter in concern. "Elsa, do you want to stay here for tonight?" Only then, the blonde had slowly got up from her seat, supporting herself with the crutches. It came to Anna's surprise that Elsa would even consider coming home with Anna after what happened - surely, the girl could see those red swollen skin below Anna's eyes from all that crying - and not at all feeling guilty and needing the space. To be quite honest, it wasn't space that Anna needed between them… but just more _togetherness _would suffice.

In a blink, Elsa had come to the front door and opened it in silence, and Anna had watched Elsa's pursed lips loosening in a small smile. "Sorry, Mother, Father. I think I should leave with Anna." A small beat passed. "We have a lot to talk about."

* * *

It was quite the opposite, really, being in the car together… driving through the night where the sky even began drizzling as well. Streetlights and cars passed them with ease, droplets of rain whipping on the surface of the car, and the silence between them was oddly filled with peace and warmth… and, maybe, it was because Anna had opened up and Elsa had been opened up to, but the anger that Anna had felt… that simple heartbreak was near gone.

Still, even if it was warm, there was a lingering loneliness that Anna was feeling… and when she thought turning on the radio would help her ease her feelings, she knew it could never be enough. With one hand on the steering wheel, her other just laid on her lap, there was a sense of need and longing beside that loneliness to wanting to hold Elsa's hand. And as the car halted in front of the red light, Anna took the chance to look at the blonde to see she had been staring out her passenger window the entirety of the ride.

Her eyes wandered, lowered to the pale tender hands that laid on Elsa's laps. She swallowed, and before she could allow her own stupid reflex take over, Anna managed to look away.

"I'm sorry," Elsa started immediately, and as if she wasn't allowing Anna to divert her attention, their eyes slowly met. But why? Staring at Elsa's face right now was going to break Anna more… and it wasn't the same expression she'd always have whenever Elsa was disappointed or frustrated with something. It looked cold… but Anna didn't feel cold. With no smile… with almost no emotions in Elsa's eyes, yet… Anna could still feel the guilt and sympathy that Elsa seemingly tried to emphasize through those two words.

Almost as if… in a way, Anna could see the Elsa that she always longed to have for so long. And at the moment, after those two simple words, of silence… Anna really thought she could go ahead and hold Elsa's hand and tell her that it was alright, but she couldn't. She just couldn't.

Still, Anna offered her a small smile and a nod before turning her attention away. Right now, a simple sorry was enough because at least… Anna knew Elsa still had a heart for her.

* * *

The moment that they had entered back home, as soon as they had both settled down… as soon as Anna had managed to take a shower, it was still awfully quiet. Without a doubt, they both had a lot in mind, so it was understandable that they still hadn't been talking to each other much. But Anna planned to. Anna planned to just start telling her about the truth… even if it hurt.

With wet hair and her pajamas consisting of a random shirt and shorts, she looked around to see that Elsa was nowhere in sight. Slowly, she strolled into Elsa's bedroom, but it was just as empty… only, she found the blonde sitting on the bed of her bedroom, the lamp turned on. Frozen in front of her own door, Anna stared blankly at the older woman… finding that Elsa's expression softened. "Elsa -"

"Come here, can we talk?" she questioned with a worried arched eyebrow, her hand patting on the comforter. Though Anna wasn't quite used to Elsa initiating these talks, it was almost like she knew she had to sit beside Elsa. Almost like she knew it was her old Elsa doing the talking… and never once did Anna ever question it.

Settling down beside Elsa, they stared into each other's eyes for a moment before Elsa broke eye contact, and her hand reached to hold Anna's. At the moment, Anna felt nothing but pure warmth between the two… and even the simple gesture of hand-holding didn't even phase the girl.

"Anna…" she started. "Is there… a reason why you didn't tell me? About your parents?"

_So that's what we're starting with huh? _The least Anna could do was tell the truth… how she really felt. Sure it was Idunn's plan not to tell her little girl anything, but even Anna felt like it was the best choice in not trying to give Elsa more stress than she already had.

"You just had a lot to go through… I couldn't let another thing bother you."

Seemingly, as Anna continued to stare, she knew Elsa didn't take that as an answer with how stern the woman looked.

"Is that really it?" Elsa shook her head. "Tell me the truth."

_The truth. The real truth. _But in a way, it was simply too hard to say it. After all, in general, Anna found herself at fault for her parents' death, so how could she tell the truth to someone that had completely forgotten?

Taking a deep breath, Anna chokingly replied, "I used to… really get anxious about talking about them to others." Her fingers wrung into tight fists, even in Elsa's hold as she remembered why she never really did talk about them. Her head lowered to her lap, feeling heavy like a boulder. "I just… everything that I did… I did a lot of bad things in the past. They loved me so much, but I never once appreciated t-them, and by the time I-I realized I was in the wrong, t-they… they're..."

"Anna -"

"T-They're _gone_." Her stutters turned into quiet sobs, covered by her own hand. And it didn't help when the moment they heard the first wet gasp, Elsa had quickly embraced her. Feeling her warm chest against her face… feeling those hands soothing her back… feeling the soft breathing against her forehead… felt like the most foreign thing in the world. And then at the moment, it felt like everything was okay in the world. Everything.

And while she was hesitant to hold Elsa back, her arms felt the need to reach behind Elsa… her nose brushing against Elsa's soft chest where the woman had placed her on, and with the soft whisper that spelled, 'it's okay, I'm here', Anna managed to let out the loudest sob for them both to hear. To her, even at a moment of just pretend, being right in Elsa's arms was the most real thing, the closest thing to being with _her._

* * *

_a/n: happy F2 day! I hope everyone's enjoying the movie (I haven't watched it yet), and sorry for the long pause on updates, life has kinda shifted, but I was finally able to finish this. Don't come at me with all your rage O_O_


	12. Chapter 12: Blood

_a/n: hey yall! did you guys miss me? its been a while, I am sorry for the lack of update... i hope everyone is doing well during these hard times. _

* * *

_It had been a horrible month. Not always, of course. She had been sleeping half as much as she had been previously… maybe less than that. Work was less of a priority than anything, but there had been more work than the previous week. The times that Elsa had cried and yelled, only having to get herself back up on her feet just moments later? Countless. _

_She knew what she had gotten herself into when she got together with the girl she loved so much. Elsa always thought of herself as strong, confident, albeit, one of the quieter kids in her early years of education. As much as her brain had told her that she couldn't handle a relationship like this, her heart told her if this was what she wanted… if this was who she wanted, then she must keep going. _

_But the month hadn't been mostly horrible. June was the month of Anna's birthday, and Elsa had saved enough money to take them on a trip to Disneyland. It was expensive, but it was always worth it whenever she noticed how much fun Anna was having. During those times, Elsa didn't quite have to worry so much - in fact, she barely had to pretend she was worried at all. _

_But then came July… and things were back to the way they had always been. Elsa was exhausted: mentally, physically and emotionally. But she kept going. She had to. _

_On a late July Friday night, with the prospect of the next two days off with nothing planned, Elsa decided to bring Anna a special surprise. Anna had always had a sweet tooth, so Elsa bought her a small chocolate cake from her favorite bakery, Oaken's Palace? That would cheer her up, at least a little. It had been weeks since Elsa had seen the girl crack a genuine smile. _

_Elsa couldn't blame her; it had just been her parents' one year anniversary of their passing yesterday. _

_As she rode up the apartment elevator, she fidgeted with nervousness, but she knew Anna would feel thankful. Sometimes, all Anna needed time alone, but that was something Elsa rarely gave her. Nobody could blame Elsa; she was just worried for Anna's well-being. She needed to keep an eye on her favorite girl. _

_Smiling, she unlocked the apartment door. "Anna?" she chirped, opening the door. "Anna, I'm home with a surprise! Come -" _

_Drip. Drop. Splash. _

_Her eyes dropped to the floor and a large puddle of water coming from the hall… the bathroom. But it wasn't just regular water - it was tinged red. And everything from her breath to her heart stopped in an instant. Her muscles gave way, dropping the boxed cake on the floor. Instinct took over her body, her feet picked up their pace and courage, running towards the source of the water, fearing the worst. _

"_ANNA!" She shoved the door open and her eyes widened in shock and horror at the sight. "What... the fuck - ANNA, WHAT DID YOU DO?!" _

_The girl, despite being screamed at, laid limp in the filled, running bathtub, covered in nothing but bloody water Her arm laid on the rim of the tub, her wrist cut open deeply. Rivulets of crimson blood stained the skin of her arm, leaving thick contrails on the side of the tub._

_Elsa reached into the cold water, splashing it everywhere and she cradled the unconscious redhead in her arms, grabbing a towel and pressing it over the injured arm. _

_"Come on, come on… wake up… you're so fucking cold," Elsa mumbled to herself, her free hand shaking Anna's shoulders, willing her to wake. _

_Elsa, despite the stress and fear, pushed her feelings aside to slap Anna's face multiple times to rouse her. She didn't respond. Didn't even flinch._

_Elsa didn't think this would ever happen. Anna's deep depression had always made Elsa wary, but never would she have thought a suicide attempt would happen so soon. She hadn't considered whether Anna would take such a drastic step at all._

"_Anna…" she grunted, as she reached an arm across the unconscious girl's back to pull her naked body out of the tub and in her arms. Gods, was she always this heavy? Or was Elsa just weak? "Anna, what the… fuck…" she sobbed, rubbing the redhead's back as if the girl could feel the small comfort - the trust - that Elsa was here. "Don't fucking leave me, you idiot -"_

* * *

The rhythm was the only thing keeping Elsa together - the ticking sound of the alarm clock by her bedside drawer, her hand gently tracing circles on the smooth, freckled back of the redhead on top of her. In the back of her head, Elsa always knew there was always something holding her back, but she never knew _what. Or rather, who._

But she knew now. She wasn't really sure why it had to be _now_.

The moonlight gleamed behind the closed curtains, no sound in the dry air of her room. A gentle, cold breeze drifted in from the open window; the same girl that was crying earlier kept her warm in her arms like the world's most perfect weighted blanket.

Anna never let go, despite falling asleep on top of Elsa. Elsa relished the sense of peacefulness behind Anna's swollen eyes. In a way, it was the only thing that truly made Elsa smile.

Elsa wasn't sure how long she had been in this position, but she didn't mind it. If there was someone she could care for… despite being the one that needed care for the past few months, she would gladly take that opportunity. Or... that was what she thought she needed.

But Anna's peaceful,sleeping face didn't absolve Elsa's guilt about how horribly Elsa had treated her, how thoughtless she'd behaved towards Anna… how careless and unnecessarily vexed she had acted. With Anna laying on her chest, Elsa could only take short glances of the fluttering eyelids and the twitching lips - though quite cute - that said nothing but unidentifiable mumbles. Perhaps, without saying a word, this was how Elsa would finally try to mend their supposed friendship back together.

But she knew it had to take more than just a crying girl asleep on her to really strengthen and better the relationship they have now. She sighed, thumping her head lightly against her wooden white headboard, pressing the back of her wrist against her eyes, and swallowing dryly. Nobody understood how difficult it was for her to _be nice. _Why couldn't she have just been _nice_? Pent up frustration, anger, depression… she understood those feelings. She accepted them, accepted that she struggled with them. But her feelings were no excuse to abuse poor Anna. She had no excuse, no reason to say all of _those_ things, period.

She understood herself now, at least. And for a little while, she understood Anna. But it was too late to feel bad about what she'd said. What happened before was the lowest Elsa could go to hurt someone. Right? Could it?

They were friends, after all. Friends forgive each other. Friends rely on each other.

After what felt like hours had dragged on with half a person laying on her, Elsa was ready to move. She didn't know what to say when Anna would wake up, or when the time came to apologize to both Anna's and her own parents. Elsa wanted to look around the house and get to know Anna a little better. Sure, she had looked at the books and her works in her field of study, but she wanted to know what it would be like to live with someone who seemingly adored her.

Luckily, Anna was such a heavy sleeper that Elsa was able to extricate herself carefully. She gently laid Anna down on the mattress and tucked her in.

Elsa grabbed her crutches. She didn't need the crutches much (or so she always told herself) but walking without them just felt so much more freeing. She knew Anna would get worried and give her an earful if she didn't take them just in case.

Quietly, she made her way down the hall with the crutches she resented so much and stared at her office door. The last time she went in there… well, books collapsed on her, and all she had done was embarrass herself in front of her roommate/friend. She hesitated, but her fingers twitched and trembled with urgency to grab the black knob, almost taunting her to open up to the treasures beyond. Elsa knew that she had determination and confidence in herself; that was who Anna always mentioned Elsa used to be. _It shouldn't be that hard to open the door_, Elsa thought, but it was, knowing the only thing that stopping her was the memories of that afternoon - a mistake, really.

Pursing her lips and mentally counting to ten, she finally made her way inside the dark space.

Elsa fumbled against the wall to flip the light switch, only to find the room was almost all cleaned up from this afternoon. She froze, her eyes scanning from object to object, seeing the clean bookshelf and the empty desk against the window. _How is she so patient with me? _

Stepping into the middle of the room, she propped her crutches against the wall and closed the door. Her legs felt weak, but it was nothing she couldn't handle as she walked to the bookshelf, her fingers tracing every book's spine with delicacy. _She even dusted everything and put them in order… God, what is wrong with me?_ She asked herself this throughout the whole night they had come home. She asked herself while Anna had laid soft in her arms, watching tears trickle down her freckles while she slept like a log, but the only answer that came forth was that she was just a piece of shit. Anna would've much preferred if her idiot self was more careful and faster to dodge the falling items. Hell, everyone would have preferred that. Who would have known, though?

She knew. She knew that she'd become the worst version of herself, and right now, she could only hope to become better. Maybe then she wouldn't have to make life so hard for everyone else.

And yet, the only thing that could make Elsa recognize who she really was would be in this room. She had seen everything, even ventured into that closet of hers briefly with Anna. She squinted, knowingly remembering how Anna seemed a tad bit suspicious when it came to… whatever it was that was in there. But whatever Anna was hiding, definitely couldn't have been in that closet anymore and had been hidden somewhere else - not like this apartment was too big anyway, how hard could it be to find it?

Opening the closet for a confirmation, nothing seemed to really stand out. Stacks of boxes were tidied up against one another, and on the other side were the familiar paintings laid on top of one another like dominos. Looking back, Elsa realized, there was actually something that had gone amiss. There was… another painting. A huge one. _And that sketch she took from my hands… _

Was it really just a sketch? Or was there something going on a lot more than that? She felt dazed, staring into the void of the dark closet, and the more she stood where she was, the colder she felt, the less confident she was in wanting to know what kind of person she really truly was to herself.

To Anna.

But she was determined. She had to know what that painting was, even if it hurt her… even if it meant her relationship with Anna was completely different. Slowly, Elsa got out of her office and began searching through the few closets that were scattered around the house. One was filled with just Tupperware, another was filled with bathroom supplies, and by the time she was at the end of the hall where Anna's bedroom is… a rush of adrenaline crashed through her. Rarely had she been in Anna's room - not because the girl didn't let her - but because she never felt too comfortable with being in there. As oddly as it sounded, it felt like her body screamed for her to know where her place was. To just be completely oblivious and live this life anew.

Enough was enough.

Coming into Anna's room, the first thing she laid her hands on was the closet. It wasn't like Anna's space was overwhelmingly messy, and it wasn't like she had a lot of stuff lying around anyway. But the closet was all Elsa was paying attention to, and the moment she had slid the plastic door open… there it was.

That painting with the black frames hugging the sides, laying against the wall with its back facing Elsa. She hurriedly began shuffling the clothes to the side and grabbed the canvas, turning it towards her… and for a moment, when she saw what she saw, all she wanted to do was drop the piece in her hand. Her stomach churned, and the heat that was already splattered across her face grew stronger.

Silence. Awestruck silence. And it was a dense, heavy one where she could almost hear her own blood run through her blue veins, her own heart thumping without mercy to fill her with another quick shot of adrenaline. Yet, she stood there, looking at the painting… almost glued to it, and all two of her cerulean eyes reflected the image of the familiar face of her roommate, auburn hair splayed in a dark red pillow, the raised toned arm over her own head, the gleaming indigo eyes hidden behind hooded lids…

This was wrong, and she was focusing on the wrong thing, but really, there was so much to focus on. It was the body… the bared body, those perked breasts detailed with painted freckles. Those widened legs. And it was the hand between said legs, another laid between Anna's bare painted breasts. It was… something out of a picture - not even a painting… how could she call it that now? No, this was _wrong_. Elsa didn't know this person who drew, painted, colored this with vibrant shades, and yet… for some reason, she could see it. And unbeknownst to herself, her own limbs were shaking, and whether it was out of exhaustion or shock, she wasn't quite ready to care. Holding onto this in her hand, all she could feel was a moment of confusion. She pressed her hand against her mouth, still looking at the painted Anna like she could never keep an eye off the woman.

They were roommates, they were friends. Were they so close that this painting actually existed? _Or were we… _

_Thump!_ "Fuck -" With that amount of shaking and trembling, Elsa unsurprisingly dropped the painting on the ground. She was quick to get down on her knees to pick it up, only to feel something crumbling and paper-like stuffed behind the canvas. Surprises, surprises… oh, she was not ready for another one.

But of course, curiosity killed the cat, and she turned the painting over to confirm that there was a crumpled up paper folded against the bottom corner of the canvas. Taking it out, she stood up and unfolded it carefully. It was the same one that Anna had said her past self would always draw Anna. The same one that Anna had tried to change topics about.

There was no doubt about it. She squeezed the paper in her hand, her mind burned with the painted nude body of her roommate - and it was all it took to get her heart beating faster and faster, to feel the blood rushing through her brain -

_"I want your hand right on your chest. Yes, right there… Your right hand… goes right between your legs."_

_"If you wanted to see me masturbate, you could have just asked - ELSA!" _

_"Sorry, sweetheart. It's for the art."_

Everything felt like flashes behind her eyes. Red. A naked body. Wine. Her room. The smiles on their face. The warmth… she could feel that warmth in that room at that time, and she remembered… it was that summer. She gasped to herself, her breathing becoming more shallow the more it replayed in her head. She wasn't dumb - she knew what this meant. She knew what all of this meant, but before she could even complete that thought, the door to Elsa's room opened.

She rushed to close the closet door when footsteps started to grow closer, and just in time, Anna came peeking into her room as she stuffed her paper drawing down her pocket.

"Hey," the redhead smiled. All Elsa could see was the swollen pink skin beneath Anna's tired eyes. "What are you doing?"

Elsa wasn't quite sure how to answer that, knowing what she had seen… knowing her view on Anna had changed completely. Those words from the past kept drowning her every thought, every single feeling rounded in a bubble of confusion, and all she could muster out was, "just looking around".

Seemingly suspicious, Anna nodded with her eyes roaming around the room. _Thank god, I didn't touch anything else. _

"Are you hungry?" Anna pursed a smile. "I could make a little something for you. I don't think you ate much back home."

"Uh…" Awkward. How does one make things less awkward? "No, it's… it's alright."

Really, she felt quite the opposite. She felt like she was going to throw up. She felt like she had swallowed the whole world, and everything was against her… and the one person that she could rely on had betrayed her. The words that were caught in her throat, cried for an escape… cried to only ask her, 'why?' But with the crumpled paper in her pocket, her hand holding onto it tight, she let out a tight smile. "Did I wake you up?"

The redhead shook her head and entered her room. She leisurely tapped her fingers against the corner of her desk, looking away to her window. "No, but… I was worried you kinda ran off, but you're here." A heavy pause passed, and the two gazed at each other… and Elsa knew they had two different intents in their very stare. "Hey, look… thank you."

Elsa bit her lip. _Why can't I call her out? Elsa… don't you want that? To be angry? _"For?"

The girl chuckled, leaning her weight against her desk now. Those gleaming eyes, so full of hope and grace… not even a hint of guilt-filled that gleeful void. How? "Listening to me, of course. Otherwise… I'd really have nobody to hold me in their arms while I sobbed, telling my story. Really, I haven't even told the rest of it, but when the time comes…" She nodded. "You know."

That only left Elsa even more speechless, but her face was as soft as ever… and, well, while her eyebrows were furrowed in heartbreak, while her lips trembled ever so gently out of red hot anger, deep down, she knew a part of her pitied Anna. That poor girl. Yet, there was no justification. There couldn't have been… for hiding their relationship like this - like it was something to be ashamed of, and even if it were, Elsa would've still liked to know. And for what? The simple wrong gesture to lessen this pain that Elsa was already feeling? This just hurt even more. But she clutched onto that sketch like it was her own last hope, and all she could see in front of her was that painting of her body, her peaceful face over the one that was so exhausted, so _worn. _

"I -"

As if God didn't want her to say the wrong words, Elsa's phone began to buzz in her pocket. And really, it felt like a relief, hearing something was going to stop her from saying the harshest words she could. Apologizing Anna with her eyes, she took her phone out.

"Who is it?" Anna asked curiously.

It was surprising. She never had anyone else call her, except for Anna or her parents, but… Belle. Right, they did exchange numbers in their time in the library. Without answering Anna, the woman quickly stepped out of the room and into the living room where she answered the call.

" _Hello? Is this Elsa?"_

"Hey, Belle?"

"_Hii, yes, that's me. Sorry for the sudden call. But I thought since we exchanged numbers, I thought… why not?" _

"Ah right… how are you doing?"

"_I'm great! Just doing some reading before going to bed."  
_"Is there something you need?"

"_Oh, right! Silly me, just thought I'd ask… are you busy?" _

Elsa turned to see Anna was just right in the kitchen, and that hopeful and relieved face she had, had fallen. And as if thinking Elsa wouldn't notice, she averted her eyes. _Such a painful look on her face… _"No, I…" she trailed off, "I'm free. Why?"

"_Oh, huh, I was just going to ask if you wanted to go out and have coffee with me tomorrow?" _

"Oh." Why was her hand sweaty now?

"_If not, that's alright. I just thought we connected pretty well last time. Next time -" _

"No, no, I meant…" Elsa sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. She slowly strode towards the balcony and looked out and up to the stars. Tonight was clearer than any other night. "I meant, yes. Yes, I'm free tomorrow."

"_Oh, that's awesome. And look, this morning… whatever happened… are you alright?" _

Elsa almost forgot this morning even happened. Gods, seconds really felt like days, and days felt like years. "Oh, right, this morning. I'm fine. It was just a misunderstanding, and my roommate gets worried, that's all. Really."

"_I see. Yeah, I was a bit shocked to be left hanging over there. Oh, and hey, I also got the books you were studying in the library, so that makes a good excuse to hang out with you." _

_She really went all that out? _Elsa doubted she had smiled this much for the past few hours, but just that simple gesture caused her to crack a small grin. "Thanks. Is… tomorrow afternoon alright with you?"

"_Tomorrow afternoon is perfect. I'll send you the place - it's a fantastic coffee shop, you'll love it. I'll see you then!" _

"Sure thing, I'll see you tomorrow." Hanging up, Elsa let out a deep breath and all she could feel was just the pure… excitement. No, was it nervousness? She really hadn't interacted long with Belle, but most of it was quite enjoyable. But that dread that she had completely familiarized herself with was coming back. As soon as she turned around… Anna had already been walking towards her with her two crutches in her hands. Something about this was off, way off, in the way Anna was so quiet. And the first thing that she muttered out was, "was that the girl in the library?"

Elsa took the crutches in her hands and nodded. "Yes, it is." For a moment, she could feel Anna's fingers twitch when she took the object off the girl's hand.

"Are you two… friends?"

Again, the blonde nodded, but the moment Anna had looked up to face her, all Elsa wished she hadn't just said yes. This was a change, and change was hard to live by, Elsa knew that at least. But she wasn't the same person anymore. She wasn't… in love. And at this point, staring at Anna was like staring at a solid wall, trying to hold itself up from its cracks, and not break down by simple words.

"Just friends," Elsa responded. But perhaps, it was too much to ask of the girl, but no matter what this tension may be, the blonde knew it wasn't exactly time to ask of their relationship. Not yet. "Just… one more thing, could you drive me to a cafe tomorrow?"

It was like this silence was an answer - the only answer to her question that Anna just didn't want to answer. Better yet, she knew in Anna's eyes, the girl wanted to say no. For the split moment that Elsa was looking at the girl, all there was to it was a sense of disappointment, and yet, it was like it never happened when Anna broke into a smile. It didn't seem like Anna was too good at hiding how she truly felt, masking that with just the idea of wanting to make Elsa happy after all that had happened, but that little act of smiling Anna had put on was much too real. For a split second, Elsa really thought the redhead was happy for her, but once her own palm was met with a firm, shaky grasp of Anna's warm fingers… she knew that was only the opposite.

_Say something. Just say it. _Her lips were pursed shut.

"Of course I'll drive you," Anna replied instead, and her eyes gleamed not out of happiness, but in tears. And as much as Elsa dared to say something, to ask if that was wrong, she stood her ground, because deep down, she didn't want to cater to Anna. She wanted something for herself: freedom and will. That's how it was going to be.


End file.
